Hi!
Thanks for requesting a review I don't have much to say because this is so short, but here are the few things I think you can work on:
First let me say, I think you have fabulous ideas, and if they were drawn out some and explained a bit more than you would have some really great pieces of poetry here. I think making them so short leaves the reader feeling empty, like they missed it. For example: Who are trannys? Why does society hate them so? Are they hurling themselves from windows landing in the streets of the free, heart broken and shattered? Are they silently suffering in their own skin, pinching themselves off an inch at a time? You don't have to answer these per betum (word for word), you can be artistic, but try showing us some great details about why you feel so strongly about these issues.
Also, try studying some on punctuation and capitalization in the resource forums. It makes your work more formal and understandable.
I know you can do it! You have wonderful ideas, and I am so glad you let me read your pieces! If you have any questions feel free to ask!
xoxo,
Rascalover
Points: 368
Reviews: 456
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