AN:All right I learned this the hard way. Read A tree and A tree(2) first!!! Enjoy! =^_^=
I'm sick,
thirsty,
practically dead,
barely hanging in there.
It's dark,
and cold,
and now I just wanna be wrapped in it,
but I don't,
not really,
but I'm tired,
and it's too troublesome to fight,
it's annoying though,
to know that if I tried leaving my hole
I'd find light.
Strong as my fear to dig
is MY Hope to climb,
to fly.
One step,
Two steps,
Three steps,
Fear drags me down two steps
into suffocation.
It's no use though!
I see a light,
no more than a spec,
but it's enough.
Despite its size the spec radiates
brightly,
forcefully surrounding me,
protecting me in warm kindness,
a Savior in the night.
I hear Fear hissing in agony,
its claws scraping a long my throat
in attempt to halt its retreat.
The warm light dissipates slowly,
enveloping my very existence,
and an unbreakable will to never give up ignites in my veins
along side MY Hope;
they incinerate Fear.
I'm free now,
free to breathe,
free to move,
free to climb,
and free to fly;
a warm summer breeze on my wings.
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137,690 Literary Works • 672,059 Reviews
I'm back Markontheworld!
I like it! A moth? Butterfly? Not exactly sure. But this is just as imaginative as the others, and you made a cocoon with the words this time. I quite like it, I'm not that good at poetry. I hope I can read more of your work... Oh wait... There's another thing in this folder! I shall read that too!
~Kelpies
Hello again!
That has its own line like it's super important, but I can't see the reason for it. I say ditch it!Okay, so this one was more... abstract I guess. I feel like a lot of things are repeated in a way that doesn't help the progression. I say, comb through this, and if you think a line is unnecessary, delete it.
For example:
I also missed a lot of the descriptive words that you had in the other two poems. You mainly used common words, and I just wanted some of the same prettiness that you had before.
I also don't understand why you had MY capitalized. I read it with emphasis, but it just didn't fit in either place. Is there some extra emphasis it needs? Because I didn't see it.
A lot of the images you did have were cliche. Just something I noticed.
I've never seen "speck" spelled "spec." Perhaps that's cultural differences though.
As a whole, I didn't feel like this one was as strong as the others.
Great job, Keep writing!
~fortis
Oh! I didn't even realize I spelled that wrong, thanks! By the way the MY was supposed to symbolize Melinda's new independence.
Yesh! Yesh! KatyaElefant here to review once more! Now I get it! It's a fanfiction of Speak! Okay, let's move on Katya....Everyone gets the point...
NITPICK:
Spoiler
You need to combine along and side to make alongside. Just a typing error and a small grammar error. No biggy!
Okay! I have to point out something! I just have to!
Right here(and in other areas), I feel that MY should not be capitalized but it should be bold and italicized. I feel like the capitalization is a violation of grammar and it just isn't the right effect for this part...
I really like this poem. It as usual, has really good imagery. I can close my eyes(and somehow telepathically read it and imagine how this is happening...). You description(with adjectives and adverbs) are superb! This helps support that imagery that you have here! I really like how you organized the stanzas. I don't know how you did but it seems fitting. The theme of finally breaking out.
That part I just adore! Anyways! Great job with this piece! You could make a 4th one in which other people realize what happened to the main person in this piece. You could use some sort of analogy and call them crows or ravens. Good job! Keep Writing!
Hmmmm....maybe I will. Thanks for the tips and idea! =^_^=