Here I stand,
a child born of light,
on a narrow paved road,
like those before I.
Sister of stars and moons,
children of the night,
far from perfection or innocence
I hide behind a mask of day.
But a mask of the day
is not all that it seems.
For a mask is but a mask,
a thing that hides so much,
yet so little.
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I love the imagery here. The timing seems a bit erratic and kind of distracts from the metaphor, and the last line leaves the reader wanting. It makes it hard to solve the riddle (I assume it's a riddle from the title) because the brain expects another clue.
From a non riddle standpoint, the uneven lines make for interesting contemplation. It leaves an open end, that encourages interpretation. I like how the last line isn't left on it's own, too. It makes the 'not all it seems' line more ominous.
Thanks for the advice!!!! =^_^= just out of curiosity, though, what's your guess?
Humans. XD
Good guess, but no. Do you give up?
Yeah. XD
hi there its Rituparna for a review,
your poem was very interesting, unconventional and original. this is somewhat the best poem i saw in days. so you completely earned my liking and my pressing of the follow button.
the only doubt i face in this poem is that it too is like a mask- exposing some yet too little to reveal what you signified. the first part of the poem seemed quite disconnected to the rest, i would like to know what the first to stanza's mean.
keep posting your excellent poems and i would love to review them.
happy YWSing,
Rituparna
Thank you for the tip! I'll try to be careful of that from now on. As for the first stanza, I meant the thing gives off light, but it has both a light and a dark side. If you put those two sides together it's where you get your "path".
wonderful thought. keep up
Thanks! Actually I just posted a new one if you'd like to check it out.
Hello there Mark On The World, The Silent Bagpipe here to do a quick review of your work!
First off let me just say that I thought this poem was very well written, and it looked like you put some work into it. Good job on it, its very good! I don't have much to say, just that I enjoyed this poem and I thought it was unique in its own way =)
The structure of the poem was okay, but a little off in some places. Sometimes you needed a comma, others capitalization. Other than those few little things, it was all together a very well done poem.
My favorite part of it all was this -
"Sister of stars and moons,
children of the night,
far from perfection or innocence"
Anyways - keep writing, you are quite talented. I look forward to seeing more of your work. Tag me if you ever post anything new =)
~Selina
Thank you!!! =^_^=