z

Young Writers Society


12+ Violence

Belinda Cabbotry: A Different Perspective (PART 5)

by WillowCutz


Belinda sat across the table slowly picking mushrooms off of her pizza just like Emily had done when she sat down. Emily tried not to be angry about that change in Belinda, but it frustrated her that Belinda didn't stay on one position for more than a second. She didn't know what Belinda liked at any given moment and it annoyed her that she didn't know something.

Belinda looked up, and paused. She looked back down and picked up her pizza. Then she set it down again, her mouth still open to bite the pizza that was not there.

Emily watched her impatiently. She sighed and leaned back in her chair as she waited for Belinda to make up her mind.

As Belinda looked down again for the fifth time she managed to eat her pizza and Emily was satisfied with her decision. Emily turned her attention back to her rapidly cooling pizza slice.

The pizza grease that she tried desperately to keep on the pizza and off her hands, found it's way into the crevices of her fingers, painting them fluorescent orange. The pizza sauce migrated to the last bite as she bit the cheese into a wall around it. And it was delicious.

She salivated over the last bite, full of five times the flavor the previous bites held. She opened her mouth greedily to swallow it-

"About your interests!" Belinda suddenly yelled, her eyes looking down and her cheeks red with embarrassment as Emily's pizza went sailing down on the plate in front of her and sauce slid the cheese off of the bread.

Emily squealed a shriek and gasped as she figured out what had happened. Emily looked up angrily, then saw that Belinda had turned quite a bright shade of red. Belinda's mouth was small again and her eyes lowered. She looked like a puppy in those SPCA commercials.

Inside her head Belinda was cursing herself for they way she was. It was exactly that yelling problem that drove people away and made her nervous to talk. Sometimes she was a ticking time bomb of words waiting to burst out of her. And she had just exploded.

"What?" Emily asked, her voice portraying a suppressed anger. Belinda looked up, she was smearing sauce off of her hand a little harder than necessary.

"Tell me about yourself." Belinda squeaked.

Emily frowned. "What about me? You seem to have a pretty good idea."

"I can't tell everything by looking at you." Belinda said in a soft voice.

Emily let silence crawl back in the room for a moment.

"What do you want to know?"

Belinda smiled slightly.

"What you like, what your friends are like, what do you like to read. I want you to tell me about yourself." Emily stared at Belinda, her expression blank and her mind processing what Belinda was asking of her. Belinda smiled gently at her, her eyes giving off an eerily child-like curiosity.

"I don't know." Emily said, picking up her mug of tea.

"Favorite color?" Belinda asked. Emily paused.

"Orange."

"Favorite song?"

Emily paused, wondering if Belinda was going to keep asking questions like this.

"A Thousand Miles."

"Favorite word."

"Prestidigitation."

"Favorite food."

"Ice cream."

Belinda glared at her, as if saying "That's not a food."

"Fine. Chicken Wings."

"Favorite book?"

"Ten Thousand Wonders."

Belinda's mouth went wide into a smile, and her hands squeezed together in excitement. "Oh my god! I love that series too!"

"Really?" Emily asked blandly to disguise her own enthusiasm.

"Yes!" Belinda squealed. "I must have read it twenty times, and that part where Marlene gets stabbed in the back by Jodie at the dance still surprising me."

"Me too, what'd you think of that Shadow Bender at the end?"

"The one with the dragon tattoo? I think he's Marlene in disguise, like Mulan but cooler." Belinda took a large bite of pizza.

"You really think she would betray Fairy Melody for that slime ball shade Keller?"

"No I think she's smart enough to make them think she would long enough to bring them down from the inside. Like Mulan!"

"That is only slightly like Mulan." Emily said, finishing her slice of pizza and reaching in the box for another slice.

"Wasn't it Mulan you built that giant horse and hid inside it until night when all the huns were sleeping and burned their camp?"

"That's the Trojans." Emily told her.

"No, the Trojans were Greeks, they wouldn't be fighting the Huns in the first place."

"So you really think it's Marlene?" Emily asked, changing the subject before she got mad again.

"One Hundred percent, who else would Keller allow to decorate their Shade suit?" "Hmm..." Emily took a but of her pizza and thought over Belinda's theory.

***

It was about midnight, or that's what his watch said. It was hard to tell in the dark. Fredrick Avana plugged his ears again, he'd broken into many people's houses. Many of these houses held people some people with very strange habits, but this was the weirdest. He'd seen men break into tears watching the Bachelor, and others dancing to Taylor Swift. Belinda Cabbotry shattered all previous records.

Bagpipes. She listened to bagpipes before she went to bed.

Bagpipes playing pop music. Pop bagpipes, at top volume. He almost wanted to jump out of her closet now and tell her to knock it off, but then where would he be?

In jail, that's where, he told himself.

It was still an easy break-in though. Heaven forbid he get arrested for something so easy. Belinda, he had discovered, the girl who was choking in front of his house, was not kidding. He just needed to break into her house and plug her nose for twenty seconds and he'd be done. Well, until he crossed the hall and smothered her friend. Then he could retire, maybe to Mexico with a nice little house.

He could barely hear a knock at the door.

Outside the locked room, Emily rubbed her ears irritably. "Belinda, could you turn that off?" She yelled.

Belinda stopped what she was doing and turned the bagpipes down a smidge. "It soothes me." She said.

How? Emily and Avana thought.

"Well, quiet soothes me." Emily told her through the door.

"I'll be just a minute, then I can go to bed, it's my ritual."

Emily groaned and a door slammed outside the room. Then Belinda turned the bagpipes up for another few minutes then the light went out in the room and the bagpipes stopped assaulting their ears. Fredrick held his breath as the bed creaked.

About an hour later, the closet creaked open, and Fredrick winced as he stepped out and a bell rang.

***

Emily woke with a start. She jumped two inches and tried to figure out why. Within a millisecond she knew. There was someone screaming, but not a female screaming, a male scream. Emily crumpled the dusty sheets off of her and leaped up. She ran out into the hallway and tried to figure out which door it was coming from.

The locked door. Of course it was the locked door.

"Belinda!" Emily yelled banging on the door. Her stomach went into knots as she listened to this mysterious man scream.

"What?" Belinda yawned from behind her. Emily spun around. Belinda was hobbling over on a little cane with a cobra head on it. She was wearing thick wooly pajama pants and a sweatshirt despite it being over eighty degrees.

"What the heck is going on?" Emily asked.

"Why don't you open the door and see?" Belinda said, pointing to the door weakly and then yawning.

"It's locked." Emily said, listening to the desperate screams of pain of this mysterious visitor.

"You assume it's locked." Belinda pointed at the door knob again and Emily pushed the door open. Inside was Mr. Avana, lying face down with his eyes squeezed shut and his arms failing about. There were scratches along his face and arms, all of which were bleeding at the moment.

"What the-?" Emily asked, her eyes shifting to the silver barbed wire and golden bells creating a web across about a foot above the floor.

"Watch the wires." Belinda told her. "I'm going to call the police. Belinda stepped surprisingly gracefully through the wholes in the wire web to the bed. Belinda pushed a lump off the bed and sat down. She grabbed a cell phone off the bedside table where it was charging and dialed the numbers 911. "Hello? Yes this is Melanie, we're in the middle of a break-in..."

***

Emily sat down next to Melanie/Belinda. Melanie looked up from her dummy that she was busy drawing a face on with an expo marker. She smiled and sat the dummy up next to her.

"And props to our leading lady, Celeste, take a bow." She made the mannequin bow her head and the long black wig on it's head shifted forward a bit and Belinda fixed it before setting her down over her legs again, and she returned to drawing her face. "I think that went well."

Emily looked down at "Celeste", she was wearing a nice purple tank-top and thin pajama pants with cupcakes on them. Tattooed on her shoulder was a caution symbol and a target that told Emily that in her past life she had been a crash test dummy.

"What exactly went well?" Emily asked.

"Personally I thought he'd hide in your room first. Gotta love dumb luck-"

"Belinda?"

"I don't know what I would have done if he decided you were the real target-"

"Belinda!" Emily insisted.

"Well I guess I would have laughed first-"

"BELINDA!"

Melanie stopped, "What?"

"What the heck just happened?" Emily asked, looking straight into Melanie's eyes so that she couldn't help but to stay focused.

"Oh..." Melanie paused, "We caught the 'BigBoss'."

"When? How? What just happened?"

Melanie looked at her quietly. "Are you in shock, or just stupid?"

"Belinda!" Emily said glaring.

"It's a legitimate question. I thought it was obvious." Emily stared at her blankly. "Obviously not. Well, I took you out for pizza to give him time to sneak in, when we got back I used my powers of observation to discover which room he was in, which wasn't hard because he was rushed, there was still mud on his shoes from all the rain the other day. Then after we ate I set up a trap, which he sprung."

"But what was with the bagpipes?" Emily asked.

"Bagpipes?" Belinda looked up incredulously.

"Yes the bagpipes, was that to disguise the sound of you setting up the trap?"

"I don't know, I don't really remember setting up the trap."

"How do you not remember the bagpipes-"

"Belinda!" David yelled, running from his car to the girls sitting on the porch.

Belinda suddenly sat up as straight as she could and tucked a loose hair behind her ears again. David frowned as he watched her.

"Melanie, hi." He said less enthusiastically.

"Oh come on," Melanie said, moving the dummy to the side and standing up. "So disappointed to see me?"

"No, it's just..." He rolled his shoulders nervously.

"I've just had a terrible shock David," she stood uncomfortably close to David, or at least uncomfortable for him it seemed as he stepped back slowly. "I could use a hug." She smiled softly.

"Yeah, no, you're fine." He inched farther back from her.

"Just a hug, David, and it's not like you're girlfriend is here to see." Emily raised an eyebrow incredulously. David glanced over at Emily for support then when he saw her face he gave her the one second signal.

"Melanie, can I just speak to Emily for a second?" Melanie sighed and sat down. She motioned for Emily to follow David.

"She's all yours."

Emily got up, looked at Melanie who was engulfed in her drawing again, then back to David who was leading her his police car where Melanie couldn't hear them.

"Your girlfriend?" Emily asked in a hushed tone.

"Emily please, it's not at all what you think." He said, glancing over at Melanie.

Emily followed his gaze and put her hands on her hips judgingly. "You told me the first day we met that you weren't cheating on your wife. Very swiftly I might add."

"I'm not!" He insisted, "My son's mom, left me a few months after he was born. I've been dating Belinda for the last two years-"

"Then what girlfriend is she talking about!" Emily pointed to Belinda.

"Belinda." And then he quickly added, "That's not Bells over there. Not the one that you first met." Emily's inquisitive glare dared him to make sense. "That's Melanie, Belinda's alter." Emily's hands fell to her side and her glare retreated.

"Wait, you mean..."

"Belinda has Dissociative Personality Disorder."

"Split personality disorder..." Emily said distantly as she glanced over at Melanie/Belinda. Emily and David were quiet for a second before Emily continued. "Well I guess that explains a lot."

"The Amnesia, the voice change, the confidence, taste differences, it's all part of the switching personalities."

Emily watched her draw for a few more seconds in quiet wonder. "Does she know?"

"Of course not." David said earning him another glare from Emily. "Belinda has enough to deal with without a second personality."

"But she already has a second personality!" Emily said angrily, "Shouldn't she be getting help to deal with that?"

"You can't tell her." David said, suddenly realizing how much taller Emily was than him. It had to be at least an inch and a half.

"Don't you think she deserves to know this?" Emily growled. David frowned.

"You know how she gets about people thinking she needs 'help', She would never agree to that kind of therapy." David's eyes didn't quite meet up with Emily's. When did my feet get so interesting? He wondered.

"You're afraid, aren't you!"

David's mouth dropped as he stuttered an excuse. "I am not!"

"You're afraid she'll break up with you!" Emily yanked at a part if her lip with her teeth in anger. "Are you kidding me!"

David opened up his mouth to deny her accusation, but-

"Hey!" Belinda yelled, Emily could tell it was her by the slight lisp she had when she yelled.

The two of them walked over to greet her. David and her both exchanging an argument with their eyes. Belinda didn't seem to notice as she shivered in her thick pajamas and rubbed a nose ring off of Celeste's expo face. Split personality. Starting to see it now, Emily thought.

"I take it whatever I did worked." Belinda said, smiling gently and letting her hair fall in front of her face again."

"Yes." David sighed, rubbing his forehead.

"Should I be expecting an Alkali-"

"Metal." Emily corrected almost on impulse.

"Thank you. A medal in the mail soon?"

"Yeah, no." David told her.

"Worth a try." She smiled and continued to erase a flower tattoo on her dummy's arm.

David looked to Emily, who was biting her lip again. David shook his head as she looked to him in her peripheral vision. She glared at him and shut her mouth.


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1634 Reviews


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Tue Jul 01, 2014 1:02 am
Deanie wrote a review...



Heya Willow!

Sorry I couldn't get here sooner, but I'm here now! As always, looking forwards to reading the last parts to this case and seeing it wrapped up. What I liked so much in this chapter was that we got to see Belinda and Emily hanging out and just being friends, and also got the reason behind this whole Melanie/Belinda thing. I think it makes sense the way you put it, and it's going to be interesting to see how this affects future chapters as well. I can't believe David and Belinda are together, but then he doesn't like it when she's Melanie at all, but the sound of it.

Belinda sat across the table slowly picking mushrooms off of her pizza just like Emily had done when she sat down.


Minor nitpick, but comma after the word 'table'.

Belinda sat across the table slowly picking mushrooms off of her pizza just like Emily had done when she sat down. Emily tried not to be angry about that change in Belinda, but it frustrated her that Belinda didn't stay on one position for more than a second. She didn't know what Belinda liked at any given moment and it annoyed her that she didn't know something.


Sorry for pulling such a huge bit out. But as I was reading, I noticed you have a tendency to say the name Belinda a lot, like the four times her in one paragraph. Don't be afraid to use 'she' a bit more instead. Likewise, at the beginning part, although spread over a few paragraphs, you do use Emily's name a lot. Again, where it's appropriate, do use she instead. ^^

full of five times the flavor the previous bites held.


I think you are missing the word 'than' between flavor and the here.

Ooh nice choices. Orange is my fave colour. Chicken wings are awesome, and A Thousand Miles is a decent song. :)

Hm. One thing that bothered me was their long conversation of the book they both like. It didn't add anything but only showed us their relationship was developing. Maybe you could find a way to mention the whole Trojan war horse mistake amongst the conversation, because that just showed more of Belinda's personality, but apart from that, we don't really need the talk of the book at all. I would say cut it out and just summarise a bit instead, saying Emily and Belinda discussed the book, puzzling over the mystery and sharing ideas. Because otherwise, to those who haven't read it (that is, if it is a real book) the conversation is pretty boring. We have no clue what they're talking about and I felt like skimming over that part...

Emily took a but of her pizza and thought over Belinda's theory.


Typo! *bite

I wanted a bit more info on what the trap entailed! Yes, you did mention it was a lot of wire and led to many small cuts, that probably burned. But, maybe have Belinda going on about the genius of her plan and not stopping so Emily has to cut in or something, just so we get to see what the trap was ourselves, as readers. I was curious!

Other than that, I can't really find much to say that hasn't already been covered. I am going to cross over and read the next part. Keep up the good work ^^ This story just keeps growing on me chapter by chapter!

Deanie x




WillowCutz says...


Actually it isn't a real book (just to mention because people have mentioned it before) I'll get to the importance of it later, but it's sort of Belinda's absurd obsession. This mythical non existant book that I sort of just wanted to mention.
Anywho, I will have to desciribe this trap better. Basically it was a huge net of barbed wire and bells that's hard to get out of. You know the basic stuff.



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Sun Jun 29, 2014 3:42 pm
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Hannah wrote a review...



Hey, Willow! I've read about Belinda before, and I thought this was the next chapter... did you write a different story about Belinda and I'm hopping into a "different perspective" that I've never read before. I distinctly remember reading about them at a pizza shop where Belinda talked about this astronomer guy after he left the table...

Anyway, the first thing I have to say is "PIZZA"!!! Those first few paragraphs are basically half made up of the word pizza. Too much repetition of the word pizza and other pizza related pizzas make a pizza seem very pizza!

One thing that I noticed more than once was that you have a tendency to spend time describing things that don't drive the story forward and also don't really reveal too much more about the characters, which makes the reader feel like they're reading something for no reason. Why do we have to read ALL about the eating of pizza, movement by movement? And when the two character gush about the plot of a book we've never read? Did you describe this scene with an intention? To reveal that they maybe had something in common after all and were getting a bit closer over a shared preference? I'm wondering if it could be done with more care to an audience that might tune out when they start getting reference after reference that they don't understand.

David's mouth dropped as he stuttered an excuse. "I am not!"


Maybe this is just personal preference, but I feel strange whenever characters catch other characters out in ridiculous plain-faced lies. I feel like it also makes the liar feel like less of a true character, and more like a "hey this is a ridiculous lying character, and this other character is smarter". I would like to see somebody lie for real -- it would make the whole story feel more genuine, I think!


In any case, I love this twist that you've thrown yourself to work with. I think I mentioned enjoying it in previous chapters: the split personality. I love how you deal with it in the narration text as well as the characters' actions!

I hope these thoughts are helpful to you as I move on the next chapter~

PM or reply to the review with questions or comments, yeah~

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Sun Jun 29, 2014 4:19 am
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tgirly wrote a review...



Hello and Happy Review Day!
The first paragraph: I like the detail about picking the mushroom off the pizza, but the rest of the paragraph could be spruced up a bit; a writer needs to reveal a character's emotions, but your maybe a bit too obvious about it in this paragraph; just stating what a character feels isn't that interesting to read. Just a simple, easily fixable thing. You do a much better job of showing us Belinda's emotions without telling, with the putting down and picking up of the pizza, though, maybe I'm just missing something because I haven't read the other chapters, but you say that Emily was "satisfied" with Belinda's decision to eat her pizza, which seems a bit weird to me. It's none of Emily's business if Belinda decides to take a bite of her pizza or not. Just a little thing.
"The pizza grease that she tried desperately to keep on the pizza and off her hands, found it's way into" it's should be its.
"Emily squealed a shriek and gasped as she figured out what had happened. Emily looked up angrily, then saw that Belinda had turned quite a bright shade of red." Both girls' reactions to Belinda's sudden outburst are a bit over done. I'm not sure you can squeal a shriek either. But I love the detail about Belinda looking like a puppy in the SPCA commercials. I love that a lot.

" "I don't know." Emily said, picking up her mug of tea.

"Favorite color?" Belinda asked. Emily paused. " You don't need neither the Emily said nor the Belinda asked here; you didn't change the order of the person talking so the reader will already assume that Emily is the first one to talk and Belinda the second.
I don't know if Ten Thousand Wonders is a real book, but if it is, you should be careful not to spoil a book for people reading your book. Also I might cut some of the stuff around this part since it feels a lot like basic chitchat which isn't that interesting to the readers; we don't find a list of her favorite things particularly interesting.
You say 'So-and-so frowned.' a lot. I think you can think of a more interesting way to say this; I might cut a few of those out.

Overall, I think you've got some good instincts here; there are lots of really interesting, unique, awesome details, but I think at some points the dialogue stretches on a bit too long and I might try to cut it back a little bit. I wish I could comment on the plot a bit more, but it's a bit confusing without having read the other chapters, which it should be, though I feel it's a little late for Emily, who's a pretty main character by the looks of it, to be finding out about Belinda's split personality.

Really good piece. I hope this review helped you in your quest to be the best writer you can be. Happy Review Day!
-tgirly





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