Miles watched, heart beating, and pained, as Kalan slowly limped forward. His father rushed for him, as did Marshall Deston. The guards followed in suit. As His father reached him, Kalan completely collapsed. Mister Greene just caught him before he hit the ground.
“Kalan! What happened! Who did this!” he said, anger swelling in his chest.
Miles was having a hard time breathing, and it didn’t have to do with the fact that he had been running for several miles. He muttered to himself: “Castor couldn’t have done this. Could she? Could she really have been this angry at him?”
Deston helped Greene carry Kalan to the horses. He cried out in pain as he was practically dragged. Miles could see that he didn’t even attempt to walk. Miles stepped forward now. He looked over Kalan.
The twisted arm was the biggest concern. Miles un-intentionally shivered as he looked at the grotesque wound. Kalan’s wrist was majorly higher than his hand. It was obviously broken.
“Shattered clear through, I’m guessing. Let me see if his legs are injured badly.” Miles said, squatting down.
Although the pants were torn and dusty, not to mention splotched with dried blood, there didn’t look to be any breaks or fractures.“Lots of cuts and bruises. They should fine though.”
Deston nodded to the guards. “Get him up on a horse. He needs to see the doctor quickly.”
Together, so as not to hurt him, the soldiers lifted Kalan’s battered body on the horse. He moaned loudly when they placed him on the saddle, as his broken wrist bumped against the horse’s neck.
Miles felt horrible. He had never had a broken arm, but it was blatantly obvious that this was very, very painful. He winced as Kalan whimpered when they turned the horse around. Mister Greene moved to be next to him. He was unsure of what to do, and yet wanted to do something. Miles noticed the look in his eyes of miserable helplessness.
“Mister Greene, please, can we use your shirt to make a temporary cast for Kalan?” he asked.
Mister Greene nodded, quickly unbuttoning the grubby shirt. He then, with Deston’s help, tied it around Kalan’s shoulder and under his arm. Kalan cried out once, and then fell silent. Miles wouldn’t be surprised if he had fainted.
When the cast was made, the group moved out slowly. Despite the pace set, the slight bouncing still sent pain up Kalan’s arm, and he cried silently. Miles’ heart ached. Even though these injuries weren’t fatal, to see someone in so much pain, hurt him.
It took a good half-hour to get Kalan back to the village. Miles felt tired after the trip. Even though he was conditioned, running the whole way there was a little tiring, and having to listen to Kalan moaning in pain the whole way back, was very mentally exhausting.
When they reached the village, Deston ordered his guards to get the doctor. His house was on the far side of the village, and when they arrived, the doctor was already waiting inside with the two guards.
Gently, Deston and Greene helped Kalan get in the building. There was a hanging lamp, as well as two open windows to provide light for the doctor to see everything clearly. Three beds were laid out in the first room, and Kalan was led to the middle one.
He had woken up, and was wincing and muttering curses under his breath. The doctor, an older man with balding hair, but still with the steadiest hands in the village, smiled at him.
“Hello Kalan. Let’s see what we have here.” He turned to the others. “If you don’t mind, I’d like to do this alone.”
Everyone quickly cleared out, shutting the door behind them. Miles stood near the horses, unsure of what to do. He could stay here and wait. He wasn’t sure why he would do that. He didn’t like Kalan, and yet he felt bad for him. But, he also wanted to see where Castor was, and speak to her.
He decided to leave. He knew that resetting the bone was going to be an excruciatingly painful experience for Kalan, and he wanted to be as far away as he could at the time. He had no doubt there would some very loud yelling.
He hurried down the street to where it turned to the left, towards Ray’s house, where Castor said she was doing laundry. He spotted her in the backyard of the one-story, stone cottage with a thatch roof. Ray was nowhere to be seen.
Miles opened the small white wicker fence. Castor looked up from where she was taking clothes down from a laundry line hanging between the cottage, and a tree. She saw Miles and quickly resumed her job.
Miles stopped when he reached her, hands in his pocket, unsure of how to begin. Castor didn’t seem to care to initiate the conversation. Finally he worked up the courage, and blurted out: “Kalan’s been injured really bad!”
Castor inclined her head slightly towards him. “And? Why should I care?”
Miles rolled his eyes. “Well I knew you were angry at him . . . I thought maybe . . . look, he’s hurt really bad, and I want to know if you did it.”
Castor suddenly seemed very intent on doing the best folding job she could. She ignored Miles’ stare, and began to make sure the shirt she was folding was done just right. Miles noticed the rest of the clothes had been rather loosely folded.
She said nothing.
“Come on, Castor, this is-“
A muffled scream emitted from the direction of the doctor’s house. Castor and Miles both jumped at the sound.
“What was that?” She asked, still quite busy with the clothes she was folding.
Miles sighed. “That was Kalan. His wrist was broken very badly, and the doctor must’ve just reset it.”
Castor was visibly shaken by that. “Broken? How?” Her voice came out a softer then she intended. “I mean, I don’t really care, but I’d rather have gotten back at him myself.” She rubbed her jaw, before folding a new shirt.
Miles sighed inwardly. Castor wouldn’t have acted like this unless she had something to do with it. She felt distant and uncaring, but at the same time, fake. “Castor, did you attack Kalan?”
She glanced at him and then looked away. “It was an accident Miles. I just meant to teach him a lesson!”
“What did you do to him! He looked like he was launched out of a catapult or something!” Miles rarely got this excited over something, but it was a serious thing that Castor had done.
“I said it was an accident!” Her tone took a defensive stance. “I had no idea he was going to be riding a horse!”
Miles rolled his eyes. “What do people generally ride, Castor? You mean you tripped his horse or something?”
She threw the shirt on the ground. “Look, I thought he was going to be running, OK! His horse is sick.”
“And how did you find that out? Eavesdropping?”
Castor’s face was turning red, as was Miles. “Look Miles, it was an accident! And it‘s his fault for being a jerk in the first place!”
“Oh come on!” Miles said, “Don’t act like you haven’t inflicted as much hate on him as he has on you!”
Castor turned on him. “I have only ever acted in defense!”
“Like punching him this morning!”
Castor said nothing, obviously knowing that what he said was true. Miles took the chance to take a breath and calm himself down. He spoke slowly and deliberately. “Look Castor, forget about any of the stuff in the past between you two. You could have killed him.”
Castor growled. “Shut up! I’m not stupid! I already said it was an accident!”
With that she stormed out of the yard, leaving Miles standing alone. He stood silently for a good few minutes, trying to collect his thoughts. Finally, knowing that things at the inn were going to be awkward tonight, he slowly walked away, hands in his pockets.
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139,276 Literary Works • 672,524 Reviews
I have *almost* no review for this chapter; it was pretty solid. Some of the writing needs cleaning up, but I don't much like reviewing that because it's useless until you're at the final step of revision. However, I do have one note for you.
As in the last chapter, it's a little strange to me that Miles takes charge. For one thing--I mean, he's obviously a nice guy, but he doesn't seem like the leaderly type (at least at this point in the story), more a follower to the stronger personalities of Castor or Kinnard (to some extent, even Jeric). The other problem I have is that he's a teenage boy accompanied by two grown adults, yet he makes the suggestion for the cast. And not even in a "can't we do anything to make him more comfortable before the doctor arrives" sort of way, which at least seems more like a nice guy being concerned about the injured dude...instead, he's more like, "Yo, man, give up your shirt and make a cast." I mean, he does ask instead of ordering--it just seems strange to me that he's the one to take the initiative.
I think, if you want to keep it this way, you could add in one of the following:
1. Show more clearly that Mister Greene is in shock or some such thing and can't think of these things himself under the current situation--thus, Miles gently slips into a role of leadership because he sees how distraught the adult is at the sight of his injured son.
2. Give us a hint as to how Miles came by any medical knowledge. How does he know you can make a cast out of a shirt? Does he know how to do this, or just that it can be done? What history does he have with healing injuries, or at least setting them?
Both of those would clear this up nicely--although, since the Marshall is still around...I mean, it seems like a man of the law would have some knowledge of medicine himself, right? So then it would still be a bit weird for the teenager to take charge. But maybe the Marshall could go for the doctor--since they have a horse, he could go quickly and bring the doctor back, which seems like it might be their first choice unless there's some reason they have to bring Kalan to him instead, you know?
So hopefully that helps out, but that was actually my only issue with this chapter!
*sniff* So proud.
Blue
hahahaha glad to here it mummy. I shall definitely take note of thine point-outs!
Hey Mess!
Sheesh, this is a really good chapter. Really, you've edited it to perfection and there really is next to nothing to comment on, just a few nitpicks. So yes, I am sorry if this review is um, fairly short and not too helpful ^.^ But you've done a great job. What I liked best about this chapter was how you described Kalan's injury. It had me feeling creepy and just imagining how grosteque the wounds must've been, and I can only imagine all the pain her must've been struggling through! You did a great job of conveying that to the reader.
A thing that I thought Castor would've used in her defense when she is explaining things to Miles, was that there was a bee involved and she accidently pulled the string. Yes, she does continually mention that it was an accident but she doesn't really explain the situation properly so Miles never really gets the key idea. I don't mean she needs to go off the handle and describe everything. But maybe that she dropped the string because of the bee and then she tripped, pulling it tight? It would only make common sense on her part, and I know when I am in an argument I always try to state things so they are tilting in my direction for the winning side. So, just add some more reasoning to this.
Also, it would be a bonus to add more of the fathers emotions other than angry when he sees his child injured in such a way. Does he clench his fists in anger, whipping his head around as if the culprit was hanging around and he could get them now. Or maybe he's trembling with the pent up anger but his hands become soft and careful as he tries to pull his son up on the horse? It's not a big thing, but if you want to make the story go from good to great, then add these emotions.
You've done a brilliant job at showing Miles's voice and thoughts in this chapter, and I feel like we have enough emotion from him. Likewise for Castor too, but if you want to take this one step further than show us what her face looks like as she pleads for Miles to understand or is trying to fib her way out of it. Are her knuckles white and her lips pressed together? Does her forehead look worried? Small things like this could let the reader in to know what Castor is thinking even though it's not being told from her point of view.
Alrighty, nitpick time!
You don't need a capital letter for this his.
All of these are questions, so they need question marks more than they need exclamation marks. I suggest you mention that he is yelling angrily in the tag or something, because then that shows the exclamation through different words.
I noticed that you use very a lot in this chapter, and most times it is perfectly fine to have it there ^.^ I just suggest that in this case you get rid of it. It doesn't really add anything to the sentence.
I think you should say 'she seemed' instead of she felt, because it's not how Castor is feeling from her point of view, but how Miles is perceiving her emotions. Also, I would rephrase the sentence a little because the 'fake' kind of sticks out and I had to read this through a bit to understand what you really meant. Something like: She seemed distant and uncaring, yet I could tell this was just a fake façade she was putting on. Or something similar to this xD
I will go read the next chapter! Keep up this awesome writing. Really, you're just getting better and better as I keep going on.
Deanie x
Hi there!
I'm so glad that Castor feels some guilt about all of this. I mean, if she didn't why would she be so concerned right? It seriously gives me hope in Castor. Before I thought that she would just be this stubborn, tough, heartless girl who didn't give a crap. But like I said, this chapter really gives me hope that she's better than that.
So I apologize for the length of this review because I don't think there's much I can say about this chapter. Darn you for writing a good chapter
If anything, I feel like this chapter is lacking some specific description. I mean, was there a path they took back to the village? Did they have to leap over fallen trees; dodge groundhog holes; look out for snakes? I know that it's a pain to describe those kind of things, but it's needed. At least a bit of it. You don't have to describe every little detail. But I would like to know more about the surroundings. This goes for the village as well. I can't remember if you've really described it in earlier chapters or not (I'm such a forgetful person).
I must say, it's so strange to see Kalan being so...vulnerable. He was so tough and mean in the first couple of chapters. But now we see another side of him. I mean, obviously anyone wouldn't be themselves after getting injured. Kalan absolutely breaks down though. And dare I say he seems like a big baby here?
I'll head over to check out the next chapter now! Hopefully I'll have a better review for you...
Keep writing!
**Noelle**