Miles approached Jeric who was tossing leftovers out to the hogs out behind the Inn. He was a little hesitant to say anything. This wouldn’t be the first time Castor had done something crazy. Miles could go on for hours telling folks about Castor’s exploits around the village, if he cared to, but he didn’t. He didn’t like all the conflict Castor stirred up, especially in situations that didn’t really need to be burst into debate.
Well here goes. Miles cleared his throat and walked over to the fence. Jeric turned briefly and smiled.
“Hello Miles. Something wrong?”
Miles nodded, thrusting his hands into his pant pockets. “Yes. It’s Castor. . . she . . . she punched Kalan.” Miles hated saying it. But what could he do?
Jeric simply threw a bucket of slop to the hogs and watched as they groveled out of their mud to gulp down the newly acquired edibles. “It is not surprising to hear. What happened to instigate such a rash action?”
“I’m not sure of all of it. Kalan and she got into an argument again, and it led to Castor lashing out in anger.”
“And?”
Miles ran his hands through his hair. “Kalan retaliated. He punched her right in the face!”
Jeric turned slowly, his whitish blond hair whipping in the soft warm breeze. “He did? I know that Kalan is by no means an honorable person, but to strike back is surprising. Nonetheless, Castor should not have attacked him.”
“But did she not retaliate?”
“No, I calmed her down partially. But why does she do things like that? She comes at everything as if people all hate her?”
Jeric placed the empty slop buckets near the shed behind the pen and returned walked to the pump, filling up two new buckets. Once filled, he brought them back over to Miles. “Castor is like the water in this trough,” he said. He set down one of the buckets and dipped his index finger in the remaining bucket.
He held his hand over the trough and slowly the drop trickled off of his finger. It sailed down to the water in the trough and made a small ripple. “One small drop of anger that is not accompanied will soon calm down like this ripple does. But,” and he poured the entire rest of the bucket into the trough creating waves that lapped over the edges, “if you continue to insult her she will overflow. “
“And if she doesn’t be emptied like this trough will soon be?”
“She will be like a match in a forest. If stamped out quickly it will harm no one, but if left to burn it will destroy an entire forest.”
Miles’s eyes grew wide. “Do you think the match has been stamped out?”
“For a short time. But for a match to never be used to burn again it must be destroyed.”
“Destroyed!” Miles said anxiously.
Jeric smiled. “I do not speak in literal terms all the time. Do you think a match wishes to burn?”
What does this have to do with Castor? “I guess not. Why?”
If the match was snuffed out for a short while it still has the chance to be re-kindled. You must take away the flint and stone to stop the spark.”
“Kalan? But how would we get rid of him?”
“You misunderstand me,” Jeric said, dumping the second bucket of water into the trough. “A fire will consume all its enemies and become uncontrollable. It will destroy all that infuriates it.”
“Do you think that Castor wishes to harm Kalan?”
Jeric glanced at the freshly stirred trough. The water was still slapping and crashing wildly.
“Should I go talk to her?” Miles asked, unsure of what was to be done.
“I will speak with her tonight. The Inn is now filling up with lunch customers. I must clean up the mess you two have made. I will speak with her tonight. Until then keep her calm. Distract her.”
Jeri ruffled Miles’s hair. “Do not worry, she listens to you. As an iron statue melts before a roaring flame, she will listen to you. Like a knife slicing through cake.”
“Alright,” Miles said, with less confidence then he felt. Would Castor really do something to Kalan? What am I asking? Of course she will. She’s a pool of water. And the pot just got stirred!
~ ~ ~ ~
Castor slinked behind the blacksmith stable, the incessant pound of the hammer on anvil sounding like a thin needle reaching down into the inner parts of her frame. She looked through the cracks in the wall and could just make out Kalan who was putting several horseshoes into a saddlebag. His father stopped briefly from his hammering, and Castor could hear the hiss of steam from what was no doubt a red hot piece of metal meeting water.
She tried to see more of the stable interior by changing positions, but it afforded little more to see. She was about to leave when she heard Kalan speaking.
“She’s still feelin’ poorly it seems, and I be needin’ to take this d’livery to Mr. McTacosh .”
His father growled. “Well I s’pose you’ll have to run b’cause I need to be takin’ a delivery myself and it’s clear in th’opposite direction. “
Their grammar is horrible!
Kalan was speaking again. “Alright. I’ll be headin’ out soon then. Just gonna get a bite to eat.”
Castor walked away quickly. She got around the side and was strolling in the dusty street soon, thinking of an idea to get back at Kalan. A good idea. She rubbed her jaw thoughtfully but it sent a lightning bolt of pain up her jaw. He’ll remember from now on not mess with me! With that she was off to the Inn. She spotted Miles coming out the front door and quickly ducked around back and then snuck through the kitchen to her room upstairs. No need to let him get in the way of my plans.
She grabbed a few items out of her room and made her way out the back again. She then took off into the nearby forest. This should be good!
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140,113 Literary Works • 673,017 Reviews
Oh, dear. Whatever is she up to now?
Question: Does Jeric always speak this way? He uses approximately five hundred metaphors and then tells Miles not to worry because he doesn't ALWAYS speak literally. Um, dude. Try, he practically NEVER speaks literally. Whoa. I enjoy figurative language as much as the next English teacher, but that was figurative language overload.
It was especially grating because he used metaphors that were kind of at odds with each other--the water in a trough, then a match lighting on fire.
Anyway, not much to comment on other than that in this chapter, since a lot of the chapter was taken up by that exchange. (It was pretty short, overall.) I am still curious about what Kalan did, but I seem to recall you telling me that you haven't quite figured it out yet?
Keep in mind while writing that WHAT Kalan did to make Castor so angry with him will greatly affect how the other characters in the book perceive him as well--assuming they all know what he did. I think we can assume that Miles will know, since he's Castor's brother. Jeric, maybe, since it seems that Miles confides in him a lot.
But anyway, that's just something to think about. The worse the thing Kalan did, the lower the opinion of the others will be, and the more understanding they'll be of Castor wanting to rearrange his face (although they'll probably still try to stop her).
Blue
Hello Messenger and Happy Review Day!
You've got an amazing grip on dialogue in this chapter; there's a really solid difference between the way Jeric and Miles talk, so good job with that.
"Miles ran his hands through his hair. “Kalan retaliated. He punched her right in the face!” " This is a really minute thing, but the action of running the hand through the hair makes it seem like Miles would speak in a nervous or dismissive quality, but then you end with an exclamation mark like he's really excited about what he's saying or trying to intimate the importance of it which isn't really cohesive with nervous or dismissive. I don't know; this might just be me.
"“Should I go talk to her?” Miles asked, unsure of what was to be done. " Here you don't have to add that he's unsure of what to do, because if he was sure he wouldn't be asking what he should do.
Once again, an amazing chapter. The few mistakes I could find are miniscule and easily fixed. Keep up the good work and hope this helped.
-tgirly
You missed another quotation again. You also wrote Jeri instead of Jeric. By the way should it be pronounced "Yare ick" or "Jare ick"?
. Keep it up
I think that Jeric talks in analogies too much. It can get rather boring after a while though it is useful when you use it sparingly.
Finally I think that you should make your chapters more purposeful in relation to the plot. You need to make the audience read more. You did a good job of this at the very end though
Jare-ick
Ok! Thanks.
Hi, Mess. I am your reviewer, pinkie. I like to review your story if you don't mind.
Well, I see one of teammates did the grammar errors. Maybe I will do my favorite part of the review: my feelings about the story.
I really love this story! It is so adventurous and excited which it made me want to say, "Heck Yeah!". I love how you brings some many details about the story. Also, I love how you bring the characters to real life! I know you might think I just drink too much coffee this morning, but I am not! I am just like this story! However, you do need work on your grammar. Hey, don't worry! We writers have trouble with things! Just look at my stories! I have errors on mines, but I kept on trying to do my better. I hope you write more, Mess. I really enjoyed it!
Awesome Job!
Cheers
Your reviewer, Pinkiegirl13
P.S.: Happy Review Day, dude!
Hi! So i'm going to jump right in:
"Miles approached Jeric who was tossing leftovers out to the hogs out behind the Inn." There needs to be a comma after Jeric so it is not a run-on sentence.
"Well here goes." There should also be a comma here, after well.
“Yes. It’s Castor. . . she . . . she punched Kalan.” Both of the 'S''s in 'she' need to be capitalized, as they are coming after a period, which generally means the end of a sentence or a pause.
“I’m not sure of all of it. Kalan and she got into an argument again, and it led to Castor lashing out in anger.” It should be either "Castor and Kalan" or "She and Kalan".
"and he poured the entire rest of the bucket into the trough creating waves that lapped over the edges," The "and" is not necessary. Also, if you get rid of the "And" then you need to capitalize the "H" in "he". Oh, and you need to add a comma after "trough".
“And if she doesn't be emptied like this trough will soon be?” 1. Change "be" into "become". 2. add "she" after "trough".
"She looked through the cracks in the wall and could just make out Kalan who was putting several horseshoes into a saddlebag." Comma after Kalan.
“She’s still feelin’ poorly it seems, and I be needin’ to take this d’livery to Mr. McTacosh .” No space is needed before the period.
"His father growled. “Well I s’pose you’ll have to run b’cause I need to be takin’ a delivery myself and it’s clear in th’opposite direction. “ Comma instead of period after growled, because we might think he literally growled. Comma after well, and you used the wrong direction for the quotation marks.
"Their grammar is horrible!" You should add: "Castor thought".
"She got around the side and was strolling in the dusty street soon," I don't thnk "soon" is necessary.
"She rubbed her jaw thoughtfully but it sent a lightning bolt of pain up her jaw." Comma after "thoughtfully", dear!
"With that she was off to the Inn." Comma after "that".
"She spotted Miles coming out the front door and quickly ducked around back and then snuck through the kitchen to her room upstairs. No need to let him get in the way of my plans." Ok, so, period after back, then remove add and replace it with she. After "no need to let him get in the way of my plans", add "Castor/She thought."
That's about it! I still really enjoyed it!
Keep writing!