Wind cut through my face as I flew rapidly, my tiny pixie wings flapping as fast as they could. The cave overlooking the horizon grew closer and closer. Perched eagerly at the mouth of the cave was a small, little, golden, baby dragon.
"Sari, Sari!" He called out in little yips of excitement, waving frantically. I flew into his petite arms and he hugged me tight, careful not to dig his claws into my wings.
"Oro, my baby!" I nuzzled myself between his neck and drank in the sweet scent of honey that accompanied him.Oro pawed at the satchel tied to my waist and I emptied it between us. Gold and rubies and diamonds spewed outward. Dragons love to eat shiny and valuable objects. Oro lay his head on my lap as I fed him little trinkets from my bag.
After a few minutes of relaxing, blissful scilence, Oro brought up something that made him seem very mature and grown-up, despite being so young, naive, and innocent.
"Sari," he asked, "why do you come and visit me everyday?
" What do you mean, my sweet?"
"Pixies from the mainland arent allowed to have anything to do with dragons living in the Silverridge. You could get in trouble." I had to pause and think before I could answer.
"You're like a son to me, Oro. I'd never leave you, no matter what the cost."
"Sari, you told me you had a son...what happened to him?" My heart twists and my eyes fill with tears. No one has ever asked me about Conner, not since the accident. Despite being just a kid, Oro understands. Rapidly, he pulls me into a tight embrace, squeezing life into my now limp body.
We lay together, his tiny, little wings wrapping me in a warm cucoon. I start to tell him stories about Conner, and how every time I look in Oros eyes, I see Conner staring back, proud of me for getting over my depression of his death, and being able to love another.
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137,562 Literary Works • 672,043 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!!
First Impression: Well...this was quite a nice little story this one......it certainly had quite a wholesome but saddening message there in the end and its just a really nicely done little scene here this one.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Ooooh...pixie wings...that's interesting...looks like we're jumping right into some kind of fantasy chase sequence or something along those lines judging from that, well...at any rate this does make for a really exciting little start here, let's see where this is headed I suppose.
Oooh...well that's certainly an interesting little trait that I have never seen in a dragon before...but hmm...well its a unique take on dragons and this looks like its a really cute little scene we got here of a parent coming home to feed their little baby. Well...this is so far a really wholesome little scene that we have got here and ahh...this is one of those stories that can just make you go "Aww"
Hmmm...well...that certainly does seem like quite a bit of a mature question there...hmm...the sweet little story got to be a tiny bit more complicated here, but there does seem to be a decent bit of innocence still in that question, at least that's the way it appears at the moment...well, let's see where this goes.
Oooh...well that looks like its going to be quite a bit of a problem there...oh dear...that is not a good sign....well it is something good there...someone that would risk a fate as terrible as that to take care of a baby like that...ahh...this is both simultaneously really cute and making me wonder if there could be terrible consequences all at the same time.
Hmm...well we managed to get a wholesome little image there at the end after all for a bit of a bittersweet ending...and well that is quite something that one. Its sad to see that this person had to go through so much heartbreak there but hmm...them trying to move and still love someone is definitely a really nice message to see there...well it wasn't quite the ending I was expecting but I am not disappointed.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overal, this was a really neat little story. It does end up leaving you with a smile on your face this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Hello wickedlygood, Wolf here for a review.
So, I really, really loved this concept, because I absolutely love fantasy and dragons especially. I thought this was really cute and it's a really good start, but it feels so rushed. I mean the pixie gets there and they talk, then the story ends. Whaaaat?? Where are the details and the story line? You should try to expand on this add more details.
I see this basically as a teaser almost, kind of like a little blurb to a book. Or maybe that sneak peak they give you. So here you have two perfectly good characters, but no plot or adventures for them to go through. Nothing to conquer, only a conversation. Throw in that challenge, that hardship, and then add the love in the end.
You mention something about pixies not being allowed to visit dragons. Well why not? Expand on that maybe, and that can be where your plot comes from. The pixie gets caught and she has to fight her way back to her adoptive son. Once again, you need to create that challenge for the two of them to overcome.
Finally, I wished you had more details and descriptions. I mean, your character interactions are nice, but really dialogue takes over this piece, and that shouldn't usually happen. Expand on things. What does the cave look like? How does he compare to the pixie? Etc.
You have a nice start here and I can't wait to see where you take this. Happy Review Day and Keep Writing,
~Wolfare
hey! Huda here, for a review
The story you've written is nice and the events are described in a good way. There are some punctuation errors like you've written he as 'He'. Moreover, you've inserted too many descriptive words in just one sentence. I would really appreciate your plot and I hope that my review will help you. I'll be looking forward to your next stories.
Thanks for the review!
Hello! Welcome to YWS. ^^
Small and little are just two synonyms. No need for both.
He should be lowercased.
The two sentences need a space between them.
You switch tenses here. I suggest changing lay to rested.
Silence*
There's no need for all three of these descriptive words. Stick to one. Standing alone will make it stronger; having all three crammed together does more bad than it does good.
Random space not needed.
Aren't*
The bolded should be combined with the second paragraph, since it's Sari speaking.
You switch tenses again. Also, cocoon*
Oro's*
My thoughts:
1. You've got a couple of unnecessary commas before the word "and". Example:
2. Like I said, you tend to switch tenses a lot. I suggest you stick with present tense, because I feel that it would be strongest for your type of writing. Go through and try to fix the tenses in this.
3. Description. It's good that you're adding description to this, but I feel that you overdo it sometimes. For example, when using adjectives, you tend to use more than one and they are usually synonyms, therefore making the entire line redundant and basically repeating itself. Be careful when doing this.
On the brighter side, I enjoyed this very much! I like the fantasy element you went with and the small bit of history you put into this, with the mention of pixies unable to have anything to do with the dragons from another land. I loved that and I liked the simple story of motherly love in this! Overall, I thought this was very cute and well-written and I enjoyed reading it so thank you for sharing.
~Iggy
Thanks for the review! Very helpful!
Hi there! Lisa here for a review.
I've spotted a few mistakes, mostly typos, so you should get back and re-check on that one.
Other than that, it might take a sharper eye than mine to give corrections. I honestly cant spot any other errors.
"(...) I fed him little trinkets from my bag."
The word 'trinkets' here is cleverly used. Keep up the excellent work!
This story has touched my heart, it gives a little vibe of sadness nearing the ending. Honestly, this is really good. Keep it up! I'd love to see more.
And before I forget,
Welcome to YWS! It's been three days that you're here. How're you enjoying it so far?
Have a great time here on YWS. I look forward to more of your stories.
-Lisa
Thanks! Its been great! Can't wait to read some of your stories too! Thanks for the review!