In a distant realm, quite far away, the only strange thing here,is that it was Halloween everday
And in a hospital, in dusty white sheet beds, lay creatures, crooks and monsters,all living and all dead
Witch nurses rushed from room to room, making medicines and poultrices while flying on their brooms
Dracula takes blood tests too and Skeletons dance for me and you
Werewolves helped as seeing eye dogs and therapeutic help, for every ghostly moan, groan, boo and yelp
Zombies ran the morgue downstairs, moving the bodies to make some scares
Why such a ghastly place you might ask? Well, its pleasantly unseen, the fact of the matter is, my dear, its time for Halloween!
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140,372 Literary Works • 673,125 Reviews
I found this quite humorous.I love the imagination in this little poem .It had a nice flow.It has a nice rhythm to the piece.I like the you used some vivid wording.I didn't find many mistakes.I found really easy to understand and it was very simple to follow.It also was very enjoyable.You did a great job.Good luck!!!
I found this quite humorous.I love the imagination in this little poem .It had a nice flow.It has a nice rhythm to the piece.I like the you used some vivid wording.I didn't find many mistakes.I found really easy to understand and it was very simple to follow.It also was very enjoyable.You did a great job.Good luck!!!
Hello there,
I really liked reading this poem considering that it painted a very vivid and fascinating image in my mind. Have you watched Hotel Transylvania? Well it is animated but really amazing and the hotel was the first thing that came to my mind as I read about witch nurser rushing from door to door.
But it was too short! I felt like my favourite pastry was taken away from me after only a few bites. And it looked more like a story than a poem- a point which in retrospect makes little sense.
Nevertheless I really enjoyed it! It was wickedly delicious... if only I could have more more of this pastry. *sigh*
haha glad my imagery was good enough to give you the picture of hotel translvania! im so sorry i took your favorite pastry! stick around and ill bake some more!
Have you ever seen Halloween Town, they were great movies and I think once a show? The idea of it being Halloween all year round somewhere is both intriguing and hard to believe. Why would one want Halloween all year-round, wouldn't it lose it's meaning? But then you'd have to stop and think where else would all the monsters live, where else but the town of Halloween? That's where they prep and come up with the best, newest scares every year. That's what your poem made me think of. It's great by the way.
thanks!
Hi, wickedlygoodwriter. This is Margo Seuss here for a review. I love the idea of a Halloween hospital. Question: when a creature in the hospital dies, do they become a zombie and help in the morgue? Also, I hope vampires don't become phlebotomists! Dracula taking blood tests!? Haha.
I think for this poem, you should orient it in stanzas to make the lines flow better.
For example, instead of:
Make your lines less wordy and try this:
In a distant realm, far away,
it was Halloween everyday.
In a hospital with old dusty beds,
Lie crooks and creatures; living and dead.
Lay is supposed to be lie. As I recall, lay is used when you are laying something down. In this instance the monsters are choosing to lie down. Make sense?
As far as the stanzas go, I would reccomend four lines in a stanza, each with a ryhming couplet.
I hope my suggestions help. I really found this poem to be a cute Halloween addition to this site. Adorable really. Keep writing and remember: a good work is never done.
Happy Halloween,
--MS
thanks for the tip! ive never written something like this before so i wasnt sure how to format it!
Hello there, wickedlygoodwriter! Awesome username for this time of the year by the way. Anyways, here I am for another review!
What to say about this poem it that it's awesome! Especially for this time of year of course. You used great medical terminology in this. Also, you personified what the characters in this poem do. They are similar to what we do! Anyways, I have about two problems with this. On two lines, you put a comma, and then you didn't space the next word. Also, everytime you started a new line, you capitalized the first letter of the first word in each sentence. But otherwise, it's great! It may not rhyme, but poems are still good when they don't rhyme. I would be happy to see more of your poetry. Don't give up and always write, wickedlygoodwriter!
-Unknown391625