Kinnard watched as the young man eyed him quickly. He was no doubt frightened. His eyes were darting back and forth, his breathing was shallow, and his whole demeanor showed fear. He was nearly trembling, probably from both the wound, and the fear.
Kinnard smiled, slowly stepping back a foot. “Hello.”
The man barred his teeth and hoarsely whispered: “Shut up!”
The man advanced on Kinnard, keeping his dagger aimed straight at Kinnard’s heart. Kinnard spread his hands wide as a show of no danger. “Clam down” he said in a quieter voice, not wanting to scare this man. “I’m not here to harm you. You need help though.”
The man shook his head. “No! Hitch up your horses right now. Make a false move and I’m gonna stab you.”
No doubt he’ll follow through with his threat with wounded he looks. “Alright, I will. Just give me a few minutes.”
The man sniffed, wiping his face. “Hurry it up.”
Kinnard nodded, moving in slow, deliberate motions. Keeping this man calm was key to his survival. He began to hitch up Mable and Winifred, trying to think of some way stop this man. He stood just a few feet behind Kinnard, eyeing the tavern every few seconds. Kinnard slowly hitched Mable, trying to buy time.
“Faster!” the man said, anger all to evident in his tone. “I know what yer trying to do.”
Kinnard obeyed, quickly pulling the cinch tight on Mable. When he had finished he turned back to the man. “Listen, you can ride away on this wagon, but your wound needs to be looked at. You won’t survive the ride to the next stop. Even if you do, by then your wonds will be infected.”
“I’ll do what needs to be done. Now move out of the way.”
The man shoved Kinnard aside. He attempted to pull himself into the wagon seat, but the exertion was too much. He fell back with a grunt of frustration and pain. “Help me up! If you try to stop me I’ll run you through.”
Kinnard stepped forward, doing as he was told. He shoved the young man into the seat, and could feel warm blood trickle onto his hands. The man’s wound, if closed before, had re-opened.
“Please,” Kinnard said in a concerned tone, “you are bleeding heavily. You need attention. I know enough advice to help staunch the blood flow.”
The man swung his head back. His face was pale and he was moving like a drunken man. “Shut up!” He grabbed the reins tightly. “Now stand back.”
Kinnard sighed. He’s going to die! As the man slapped the reins with what little effort he could muster, Kinnard climbed the seat in one swift motion. The young man swiped at Kinnard with the dagger, But Kinnard was expecting the attack and caught his weak swing. With one quick punch he had the weapon in his hand.
The man sagged into Kinnard’s arms, unconscious. He tossed the dagger aside and dragged the man off the seat. He staggered under the man’s weight and crashed to his knees. Blood splashed over his face and into his mouth. It tasted sweet and syrupy. Kinnard spat the blood out, and grunted as he pushed himself back up, carrying the man against his shoulder. He headed for the light of the tavern window.
He kicked the door in and yelled for Susie as he sat the unconscious man in a chair. The card palyers, who had since gone to telling tales of olden days, turned to him. The one who had been smoking earlier stood from his chair. “What in tarnation have ya done now?”
Kinnard ignored him, turning to Susie who was coming down from the loft. She gasped when she saw the bloody man. “What’s ‘appened to ‘im?”
Kinnard pulled the man up from the seat. “I don’t know what happened to him. He was at my wagon when I stepped out. Now I need some help. Get bandages, rags, water, anything that can be of use.”
Susie froze for a second, and then kicked into action. “Merida, get some water boiling! And get me some cleans rags. Kinnard, take the man up to the loft!”
Kinnard nodded and hauled the man to the stairs. He looked up them with a frown. I can’t get him up there by myself. He turned to the smoker. “You gonna help me?”
The man looked around for a second, scratching his beard. “Well, I s’pose I should.”
Together they dragged the man up the stairs, leaving behind a trail of fresh blood. Susie sighed when she saw it, but rather then linger on the fact that the floor was covered in blood, turned her attention to the dying fugitive, or whatever you wanted to call him.
The loft was a wide and short affair. The bed barely five feet tall, covered in a checkered blanket. Beside the bed stood a nightstand. Susie placed a bowl of water on it, and tossed some rags to Kinnard. Then she ripped open the man’s shirt. Mable soon came up, carrying a lamp which glowed warmly.
The extra light showed something Kinnard had not seen before; half an arrow shaft protruded from his side. Kinnard winced at the sight of the grotesque wound. Susie looked away for a second, but then turned back. Kinnard guessed that she had seen her fair share of fighting, judging from where she worked.
She threw the bloody shirt from the man and turned to Kinnard. “Clean the wound and see if you can get the arrowhead out. I’m going to get the hot water.”
Kinnard stepped forward as she left, bending over the man. He took the clean rags and soaked them in the bowl, then swabbed the wound. The blood flow had lessened, but that meant that the man had already lost a lot of blood. And Kinnard knew that when he pulled the arrow shaft from the wound even more blood would pump at. It was key to move fast. He instructed Mable to jam the wound with a rag as soon he pulled the shaft out. He then gripped the shaft firmly.
“You got a knife I can use?” he asked, turning to the spectating smoker.
“Yeah sure.”
Kinnard took the man’s large knife. He would have liked to heat it first, but time was of the essence. He slid it into what little room there was in the wound, probing around. The Arrowhead curved back on both sides. It was going to be a very painful experience Kinnard, realized, but it had to be done.
He wedged the knife in right alongside the arrowhead, and with one pull it slid out.”Mable!” he cried.
Within the split second it took for the women to respond, a large amount of blood bubbled out. Mable smashed the rag hard. Kinnard tossed the knife and arrowhead aside, and then quickly switched out a new rag for Mable’s bloodied one.
Susie came up at that moment, carrying a small basin of steaming water. Kinnard replaced the other bowl of water with the new one, and when the blood flow reduced, he took a clean rag, soaked it in the hot water, and wiped the wound completely clean. Susie then wrapped it tightly enough to staunch blood from coming out in large amounts, but not tight enough for it to be extremely painful.
Mable took the bloody rags and cold water downstairs. Kinnard stood back. “Well that’s all we can do for now. Susie, do you have the ingredients to make a simple salve for healing. I don’t think the wound is infected, but it won’t hurt to aid the healing process.”
Susie nodded her head and left the loft. Kinnard realized that the smoking man still remained. “Are you waiting for something?”
The man scratched his beard as Kinnard realized was a habit, and shurgged. “not really. I’d still like to know whatcha did to the man.”
Kinnard sighed. “I did nothing to this young man. I found him at my wagon, already wounded. He collapsed in my arms and I dragged him in here.”
The man shrugged. “What do ya think he’s doing here like this?”
“I have no idea. Now,” he said, looking down at his blood-stained clothes, “you’ll excuse me, I’m sure, while I go change from these dirty clothes.”
The man shrugged and pulled out his pipe. “Fine with me.”
Kinnard quickly changed, returning to the inn with a black shirt and tan breeches on. He helped Susie clean up the loft, and then she got a mop and began cleaning the floor.
“Poor thing,” she said, motioning up to the loft. “What do you think ‘appened to ‘im.”
Kinnar sighed. The question was getting repetitive. “I don’t know. There was no end of the arrow, so I couldn’t see if there would be markings of if it were an arrow from an army or not. From the well-made arrowhead though, I’d guess it is an army arrow.”
“Well-made?” Susie asked?
Kinnard folded his arms. “Yes. It was an iron-head. Most arrows from farmers would be a heat-hardened, sharpened sticks, or bronze-tipped. The army has enough resources to make iron heads though.”
Susie took in the new information. “Why would the army be chasing ‘im?” She saw Kinnard draw a long breath, and blushed. “Sorry, I know you don’t know.”
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So you've obviously done your research. You gave really good details of what Kinnard had to do to get the arrow out of the man, plus the explanation of how he knew the arrow must be an army-arrow.
Susie is me.
Anyway, after what I said in the last review: in this scene I can definitely buy the man of religion thing a lot more. The young man tried to attack Kinnard, yet Kinnard--after disabling him so he wouldn't cause further harm to himself or Kinnard--brought him to the tavern and did as much as he could to heal the man's wound. That is a Good Samaritan story, right there.
So maybe it was just the way he was written before making me think he was a fraud, so you definitely want to go back and give that attention, in that case.
Otherwise you're using this to trick me AGAIN and I was actually right last time. Who knows.
Fyi, although Susie said "Merida" when she called for boiling water, after that you kept referring to "Mable" in this chapter, which got really confusing as she went about carrying bloodied rags and so forth...because "Mable" is the Kinnard's horse, as I recall. So you'll have to go back and change all those mentions of "Mable" to "Merida," since Kinnard's horse is not supposed to be in this part of the chapter.
Really curious to see how Kinnard and Castor tie together--as I'm sure they eventually will. But for now, good sir, I must be off to bed.
Blue
aka Beloved Mother
HA. I remembered this time.
Kinnard? heee heee heee who knows?
Thanks mummy
And you can thank Mr. John Flanagan for the arrow-removing details! Wouldn't know a thing about it if it weren't for reading his books! Glad you appreciated it! Also, the Mable Merida thing is a terrible mistake. I kept on forgetting who was who, and what Merida's name was XD My sincerest apologies. Although if the horse WERE helping them . . .XDDD
Yay you got it!
Heh heh heh. Now I'm picturing a surgeon going "Scalpel" and then a horse hands...hooves...mouths? it to him.
hahahahaha
Wolfie is here (jeez, finally...)!
It's a bit repetitive to use "fear" twice is two sentences. Also, that last comma in unnecessary.
Bared, not barred.
?
-_- Proofread, Messenger!
Kinnard tossed the...
Haha ewww! :p
This is nice; it shows that the enemies are coming to terms with one another.
I would cut this out.
Most beds have nightstands. You don't need to tell us there's one. Try this: "Susie placed a bowl of water on the nightstand..."
I'm not going to pick out any more nitpicks. You can find them yourself, right?
Would that much blood really come out of a small arrowhead wound? As far as I know, your portrayal of all the blood gushing out is unrealistic.
Susie's accent is slightly annoying. It makes her sound rather stupid. Is this what you want her to come across as?
I'm interested to find out who this young man is. And I still wonder how Kinnard is related to Castor. Hopefully I will find out soon!
Overall, this was a pretty good chapter. You've made a lot of mistakes though, so fix all that up!
hey Woflie. Gaah, i forgot to tell you. I need to get the edited version of these chapters up. I had them, but when i switched folders i accidentally put the unedited ones up.
If you can wait a few days to review the rest then i'll make sure i have the rght ones.
As for the blood, it is pretty realistic. The leg is pretty fa down the body, so for one thing, gravity would effect how much blood goes down, and for a second, when something like that is in your body, it keeps in a lot of blood .The second it is taken out ,the blood that has welled up gushes out much more heavily.
Omg WHAT???? When did this part come out?? I will review it soon!
Ten days later... I'm here!
Hi there!
I have to say this is a bit confusing. I think you meant to say 'with how wounded he looks'. But even if you meant to say that, how does that convince Kinnard that the man will follow through? If anything I think it would mean that he wouldn't follow through since he's already wounded, whether in the physical, mental, and emotional sense.
Deanie has done a good job picking up on all the nitpicks so I'm not going to mention any. Not that I'm the one you'd go to for nitpicks, but whatever.
So we've learned a lot about Kinnard in this chapter (I'm talking about the two parts combined as one now). We've learned that he is a noble man because of the way he acted when he caught that guys cheating. We also learn this through his reaction to this guy who threatened him. Any other man would probably fold under the fear of being threatened, but Kinnard doesn't. In fact, he tries to help the man, which is very bold in itself.
I'm still not so sure about Susie though. I feel like she's just there. We haven't gotten to know her too well except for what she's doing/going to do with Kinnard. Maybe explore her character a bit more in order for us to get a better idea of who she is and all that?
As for plot, it's going along very well. It seems to be just plodding along as we go. That sounds like it should be a bad thing, but it's not I promise! At this point, it needs to be like this. We haven't gotten into much of the main part of the plot yet (or at least, it doesn't seem like it to me). I'm looking forward to when everything comes together and the story gets more intense
Keep writing!
**Noelle**
Now in the last chapter the wiry man had stopped bleeding. Then all of a sudden, inexplicably he starts bleeding again. You should come up with some sort of an explanation for this. I am also confused as to why the wiry man wanted to hurt Kinnard. I got the impression in the previous chapter that you were going to develop the situation a little bit more. Instead the chapter was anticlimactic thus pretty much nullifying the suspense in the previous chapter
Secondly I didn't comment on it in the previous chapter but you have left out a few things in the past chapter or two that you had before. For instance you potrayed some romance between Kinnard and Susie in "An Invitation To Mount Crusto". But since then you have so to speak discontinued this in the previous two chapters. I believe you also left out the accent use by the customers at the inn in the last chapter. Then all of a sudden you pick it up again.
I must say I was a little dissapointed with this chapter though again you pull up from it at the very end with suspense. I must say that is one of your major strong suits in Castor's Tale
He started bleeding because when Kinnard pulled him own from the wagon he crashed to the ground and opened up the wound again. Also, the guy wanted to get away, not hurt Kinnard.
No romance was intended, but this isn't a romantic scene anyway xDD
I have kept the accents true don't worry. Just certain people have different ones.
Well why would Kinnard want Susie to step outside and mention that he hadn't had very many people to talk to? I think she blushed or something like that after he asked as well.
On the accents: I think that since they are from the same place they would speak pretty much the same way.
it's an inn. people come from all over de world!
Since when we're you bloody?
Hey! Finally got to it! This chapter was very enlightening. I still want to get back to Castor, Miles and Kalan though!
Ok, so I won't go through the grammar errors, since Deani already did that, and I don't think I noticed any more that she didn't say. I will say that you're a bit wordy in this part. I mean, it's good to have details, but if you put too many in it slows the pace down. I like that I can see everything in my mind's eye, but at the same time, I would say to get some more action in there, speed it up! You're doing very good at having a cliff-hanger at the end of almost every chapter! That's good writing when you can do that, even though it annoys us readers A LOT! We just want to know everything all at once, I guess:) great job on this, that's really all I have left to say!
Hey Messenger!



Wow, this review is composed of a lot of nitpicks... Someone needs to start proofreading
Okay, really this was a good chapter! It was a bit methodical, just running through the man's wounds but it also shows how Susie has really taken to Kinnard, coming whenever he calls or seems to need her help. They've formed an odds and ends friendship. I am also very curious to know why the man was in the wagon and what happened! D: I am also thinking about Kalan right now with his injuries... you should really do a point of view switch soon so we don't forget about that too as readers
As for the pacing of this story, it is getting a little bit slow, to be honest. And that is really because you explain everything in really exquisite detail. Which is really different from the approach you take from Kalan and Castor's point of view, where the pacing is faster and we don't get lost in every day things. Before it was the very detailed card game (it came to use when Kinnard came out and explained the mans cheating habits, but the game before it had a bit too much detail and I don't think it was all necessary.) Here, it's the detailed wounding and clean up. We don't need to know everything, more so just that he was dragged upstairs and made a mess, ordered around Susie a bit and removed the arrow in his side. We don't need too much excess description otherwise we get lost in it and it slows down the pacing a bit. But that is really just my opinion, and it's your choice what to do there. Then again, you have to create a fine balance, because as easy as it is to tip into too much detail, it is also to tip into too much. It really depends what you are going to describe in detail. Choose wisely
Okay, let's move on to the nitpicks!
Kinnard, Kinnard and Kinnard is all I am seeing here. I advise you change the second one to 'his'.
I think you mean 'calm'.
Should be: with his threat with how wounded he looks. You were just missing a small word there.
This was just worded weirdly. I would change it to 'anger completely evident in his tone.' All seemed like the wrong word to use here.
Misspell! Players
Again, another misspell! *out
Nothing wrong with this at all. I am just fangirling, but you don't know why. Whatever, let's move on >.> (You are still awesome for having this in there though.)
Watch out! Remember all questions need a question mark at the end!
Two thing here. First, you misspelled 'shrugged' and also the speech within those marks need a capital letter at the beginning.
Again, this is a question so make sure it has the necessary question marks!
I think I am all finished here! I will be awaiting your next chapter.
Always the sage,
DAYNAY x
<3 <3 <3 <3