z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

The Enchanted Fire-Spirit

by Toboldlygo


Once there was a beautiful girl who lived alone at the top of the Great Mountain in the East. Because she spent her days joyfully tending her garden and playing in the soft summer sunshine, she was called Iris by the people of the village, which was nestled down in the corner of the Butterfly Valley and the base of the Great Mountain. Every few months, she would pick some of her loveliest flowers and bring them down to the village, where she would give them out to passerby.

But one day, there was a dramatic occurrence which forever altered the course of her life. Fire started raging in her beloved forests on the mountainside. A Fire-Spirit called Ignatius was roaming the woods, and wherever he set foot, flames burst up around him. "Help me!" he would cry whenever he caught sight of Iris. She tried to help him by dousing him with buckets of water, but they did no good; the water itself ignited in his presence. Feeling completely helpless and unsure of what she should do, Iris set out on a journey across Butterfly Valley to the Wise Sprite on the Great Mountain in the West, who was known throughout the realm for her understanding and ability to offer sage advice to those in need.

Despite her fear for her mountainside forest and the pressing need to help Ignatius with whatever it was with which he needed her help, Iris enjoyed her trek through the Valley. Long ago, the Great Mountains of the East and West and Butterfly Valley in between them had been enchanted to forever remain bathed in the summer sun; thus, her journey was warm and pleasant. Everywhere she stepped on the soft grass, flowers sprang up out of the ground around her: roses, dandelions, buttercups, daffodils, hyacinth, irises, and impatience were just a small number of the varieties and species that came to life in her presence. True to its name, the valley was alive with the music of beating butterfly wings; Iris herself was surrounded in a myriad of gently playful colours flying about her head.

After a few days, Iris arrived at the Great Mountain in the West and climbed to the summit, where she found the cave of the Wise Sprite.

"Madam Sprite, I implore you, assist me in my need!" cried Iris, falling on her knees before the Sprite. "A Fire-Spirit called Ignatius is roaming the woods of the Great Mountain of the East, and even as we speak, my forest is burning to the ground, and all the little animals and flowers are perishing in the flames!"

The Sprite looked down at her loftily. "If you want to save your forest, you must first prove your worth. Are you willing to do whatever it takes to save your home?" she demanded.

Iris looked up into the Sprite's eyes before once again bowing down her head. "Yes, I am. I will do whatever I must do to prove worthy of your help, for I alone am helpless," she whispered.

The Sprite snapped her fingers and a loosely woven fruit basket appeared at Iris's feet. "Take this basket and carry the river below up to the top of my mountain," she commanded.

"Thank you, O Wise Madam Sprite," Iris murmured, taking the basket and going back down the mountain to the river that ran at the base.

She wondered how the basket was ever supposed to carry a river, but she trusted that the Wise Sprite must somehow know a way for her to complete her task, so bravely she dipped the basket into the river and climbed back up the mountain. But when she poured the water out onto the ground, only a few droplets remained; the basket had leaked out all the water on her way up the mountain. Having a tenacious spirit, Iris returned to the river and again dipped into it the basket. But the same thing happened again: the basket leaked all the water out on the way up, and none remained when she reached the top. After three tries, even Iris began to be discouraged. The basket simply would not hold water, let alone an entire river. Despondently, she sat down by the side of the river to think.

In her frustration, Iris had been looking down at the boulders in the river for several hours before the answer came to her. She watched how the water moved around the boulders, how, where they were packed together, the course of the river was slightly altered, and she knew what she must do to carry the river to the top of the mountain.

Returning to the summit, she filled her fruit basket with stones and carried them back down. Repeatedly she did this, until eventually she had enough stones with which to build a dam to redirect the course of the river. She set to work, inspired by a new hope that somehow, she would still be able to save some of her forest, and in record time the dam had been constructed and the river redirected to the top of the Great Mountain in the West.

Exhausted yet triumphant, Iris returned to the cave of the Wise Sprite and knelt. "Madam Sprite, I have done as you asked: the river now flows to the top of your mountain. I implore your kindness and mercy to remember your promise and assist me now in saving my forest and helping Ignatius," she begged.

The Sprite looked down at her and smiled. "My child, you ask for what you have already been given. Return home in peace," she said.

"Thank you," Iris breathed a sigh of relief, rising and turning to once more head down the mountainside.

So excited was she to return home that she fairly flew through Butterfly Valley, with hardly a break for rest throughout her journey. When she was again back at the top of the Great Mountain in the East, she looked around and smiled. Not a trace of fire remained, and her forest bore no scar or mark from the flames.

"Did I dream this?" she wondered as she gazed around. Then, she heard a footstep from behind her. She turned and saw a tall, noble looking young man with dark hair and hazel eyes looking calmly at her. "Um, hello?" she said, a little shyly. She was used to seeing young men in the village, but rarely did one ever approach her to say hello.

"Don't you recognize me, Iris?" he asked gently.

Iris shook her head. There was something familiar about him, but she was sure that she had never seen him before in her life.

"I'm Ignatius," he informed her gravely.

Now Iris was even more confused. The Ignatius she had seen was a blue-eyed redhead, with hair the color of the flames with which he ignited the forest. This person resembled him in no way, although she could see a slight similarity in their manners.

"I know you are confused; allow me to explain. I am Ignatius, Prince of Laurentia, and I have recently been freed from an enchantment which turned me into a Fire-Spirit. I sought the assistance of the Wise Sprite on the Great Mountain in the West, and she directed me here, telling me that the one who could rejuvenate the ancient spring here on the top of the mountain would free me from my enchantment," he explained to her.

Iris shook her head. "I'm very sorry, your Highness," she replied softly. "But I think you must have the wrong girl. I have done nothing, only what was asked of me in exchange for the safety of my forest."

Ignatius laughed. "To you, dear Iris, I am always Ignatius. Do you not see what the Wise Sprite had you do? When you redirected the river, you allowed it to feed into an ancient water reserve under Butterfly Valley, which feeds the spring here on the Eastern Mountain. You released the bonds of my enchantment, thus saving both the forest and myself, for which I am deeply and eternally grateful."

Iris smiled, but suddenly felt too shy to reply. Instead, she knelt down and pretended to be occupied with one of her flowers, a delicate little yellow rose that was almost hidden and completely unseen from sight.

"Iris, will you come back to Laurentia with me, to be my princess, and later queen?" he asked earnestly.

Iris laughed. "No, my dear, I am sorry. I belong here, on the mountain, in the woods and my garden. I could not live in the outside world; to leave here would kill me. Please understand."

Ignatius looked around him at the beauty of the mountainside, and he understood exactly what was in her heart. "Then will you let me stay here with you?" he asked her.

Iris smiled at him sweetly. "Yes, I would like that," she whispered.

Iris and Ignatius were married and lived happily on the mountaintop for the rest of their days. They had a large family, and each of their children took a small corner of the mountain on which to grow their own gardens. And so they all lived happily ever after, except the people of Laurentia, who never did find out what happened to their Prince Ignatius.


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Thu May 29, 2014 3:05 am
SpiritedWolfe wrote a review...



Hello Tobold, Wolf here for a review.

Alright so, usually I have one or two (or ten) nitpicks, but here I don't have any. Nice job! Now obviously it's not perfect, but it's nice to know that ther are no glaring mistakes that distract the reader from the main plot. *applauds*

One thing I wanted to suggest is to have more character interactions. So Iris always will go down and hand out flowers to these villagers, but how do they respond? Do some try to flirt with her? Will they thank her and smile? Do they provide her with other gifts? Maybe have a conversation between Iris and another person, just so we can get a better look inside her head.

Another thing, this felt a bit pushed or forced forward. Even for a short story, it was a bit fast. Maybe develope the problem more, and add in more of what she did on the adventure. In on spot I was very confused, how does a river flow up a mountain? Even if boulders are pulled in the way, the water will just go over the rocks or create a pool, instead of flowing upward. This was just hard to wrap my head around.

I loved your imagery, and I could really see this place in my mind. I loved how you also used other land marks to describe the relative location of other places. This character was pretty relatable, since she was witty and desperate to save her home. I did notice here and there quite a few 'mega paragraphs'. Maybe you could look through some of those large paragraphs and cut them in half, just to make it easier to read, and even help the flow a bit.

You definetly captured that fairy tale feel, and this was an interesting idea, I don't think I've heard anything like it. Maybe if you delved more into the situations with more descriptions of little things, this would be near perfection. Keep Writing my Friend,
~Wolfare




Toboldlygo says...


Thanks so much! I'm glad you liked it!

I didn't really have time to delve into things because I wrote this as an in-class assignment, but I will definitely look over it and consider editing it to reflect your ideas!

Thanks so much for the critique!

Toboldlygo : )



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Wed May 28, 2014 7:16 pm
Moalex wrote a review...



This was fairly entertaining for a good fifteen minutes. Though it's extremely predictable, literally a classical romance fairy tale. I think it'd be a whole lot better if you added more scenes that'd make it unique. Also there's a few sentences that could be rephrased. For example: "Called Iris by the people of the village, which was nestled down in the corner of the Butterfly Valley and the base of the Great Mountain, she spent her days joyfully tending her garden and playing in the soft summer sunshine."
Instead of one large sentence, you could turn it to two sentences. "The people of the village called her Iris, which was nestled down in the corner of the Butterfly Valley and the base of the Great Mountain. She spent her days joyfully tending her garden and playing in the soft summer sunshine."

You may want to work on paraphrasing and grammar. I personally have problems with those as well. Other than that great job and keep writing.




Toboldlygo says...


Thanks! :)



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Wed May 28, 2014 6:37 pm



I love fairy tales! I am 17 but fairy tales still fascinate me. However I think you should include more twist and turns in the story to escape a little bit from the traditional fairy tales which will allow your story stand out of the rest. Otherwise I loved it! :)




Toboldlygo says...


Thanks! :)

I love your profile image, by the way! I am planning to be a planetary geologist, so I think it's just awesome! :)

Toboldlygo





planetary geologist... thats interesting! I just put the picture because I liked it. haha!



Toboldlygo says...


Well, it's a great picture! :)




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