"You slap your feet while walking,
Always looking down.
Everytime I see you,
You have a frown."
He died three years ago,
But I've been living alright.
My apartment is more comfortable,
Than being on the farm every night.
"I'm so sorry for your lost,
But it's getting better of course."
One of the cons,
Of being an owner-less horse.
"Great metaphor there, man."
What metaphor?
"You said you're a horse."
I did, so?
"Oh my god! You're an actual horse!"
You never knew that?
"I thought those were jokes."
Nope, all facts.
"No wonder why,
You have a long face!"
Make a joke like that again,
And we'll no longer be friends.
"You must be joking,
You broke the rhyme flow."
I'm serious,
Forget about it and focus on the game.
"You're officially my mane man!"
Shut up.
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137,507 Literary Works • 672,040 Reviews
Hahahahaha! Hey wassup!? GreenLight24 here with a review for you in this magnificent March review day.
Wow. This. Was. Funny...Like, really really funny. You literally just took a poem that sounded like it was about to actually be a serious thing, and then turned it into a casual conversation that I am disappointed to say I have actually had before. When I review humor pieces, I really only judge them on one thing and one thing only: does this make me laugh? In this case, yes. I think that the comedic value within this poem lies mostly in the way you transitioned from a semi-dark serious tone to a completely unpoetic and conversational one in a single line. The way you built up the serious tone in the first half and then just opened the floodgates 3/4 of the way through it really helped. In other words, your punchline was greatly helped by your setup. I was actually about to go read something else because I thought it wasn't a humor piece and then WOOSH! The funny hits. Good job there!
I'm not exactly sure how to criticize this other than to say you should've thrown in some kind of pun with the word "mare." Just because it's kind of a lost word in respect to describing small female horses which are yet to give birth....
Hey there! Purple here to give you a review! Let's get started.
Well this was an interesting read, haha! It started off un-humorous which reeled the reader in to your peculiar ending. I'm usually not a fan of comedic poetry, but this was simply funny and clever and I enjoyed it. One nitpick
""I'm so sorry for your lost," Did you mean loss??
Anyway, keep it up and have a nice day!
~Purple
HEYYYYYYYYYY Strange...Tulip here to give you a review on your poem!
So I loved this poem, and I figured that this poem was about a person lost someone close to them, but then I got to the end and was like "OOOOOOHHHHH, that makes sense too."
Sooo I don't really have anything negative to talk to you about with this poem, so If I may I am going to share with you some of my favorite stanza's form the poem and well, explain why I like them.
And there you have it, Strange, a nice shiny review waiting for bright eyes.
~Tulip.
This is too funny!
Keep it up Mandrake!