Dip, Dip, Potato Chip.

I don't have much to say about this since it's so short. I like satirical poems about modern life, and you delivered on that front. It's so true to the follies of a lot of people today! Keep writing.

10/10. Best poem EVER.

10/10. Best poem EVER.

I like this poem because it reminds me a little bit of Shel Silverstein. I like the use of rhyming in the first 3 lines. This poem is really funny and a good break in a busy day. Thanks for making me smile! It is also so true for all of the obese people in America who cant see past their pelvis for potato and dip reasons. Boom.

Alright I am laughing my butt of now hanks for making my day. :3 I'm guessing you were just there with a bag of chips and thought " lets make an awesome poem shall we" the only thing I don't get is the ending line of boom? is that to mean your growing larger hip wise from chowing down on chips and dip? or boom like I just blew your minds read it and weep boys :3 whatever the case Amazing job that made me crack up

Now I want some chips and dips XD

I love this!!!! XD

All i have to say is "LOL"

'dip' 'dip' XD

This will go far. (-:

This is actually the best thing I've read. XD

I know that feel...JK! This is awesomely funny. But I think that u should change potato chip to tortilla chip, just because ppl usually "dip" tortilla chips in salsa and other stuff like that. Potato chips are more just well, not dipped.

Now, for the review.

Disclaimer: This is really short, so it don't really have much to say and I kinda gave my most obvious criticism already, but I'll try anyways.

First, like I said, this is really pretty funny. Usually, when I read poems like this, I sometimes miss the joke (-_-) but here you've done a good job of not making it too obvious but still bringing it home nicely and in a way the reader can understand....I realize that that is really more of an observation on your comical skills and not the writing of it so disregard it should you see fit.

Second, the diction here is actually pretty interesting. I know you probably were just trying to make this funny and look for words that rhymed and still made sense, but the word choice actually seems kind of systematic. By saying "dip, dip" not only are you describing the way the narrator eats potato chips, but you are also drawing a parallel between the way they eat chips and the way the person probably moves around, their weight "dipping" about as they struggle to make their way across a room, etc. I also like what the phrase "I'm so hip" adds to this poem. I think it takes it to a whole new metaphorical level by comparing the thoughts of the narrator about themselves (invincibility/the belief that eating recklessly can't effect their health in any way and that it makes them cool) with their physical appearance. (Large, flabby hips.) This offers some very nice commentary about the psychological side of the obesity problem.

In a way, it sort of reminded me by one of my favorite poems by Gwendolyn Brooks called "We Real Cool." It goes like this:

The Pool Players.
Seven at the Golden Shovel.

We real cool. We
Left school. We

Lurk late. We
Strike straight. We

Sing sin. We
Thin gin. We

Jazz June. We
Die soon.

The point I'm making is that both are humorous in their own way, but both of them also deliver profound opinions about the decisions people make in society. In Brooks's poem, she's criticizing African-American young people and their affinity for the night life during the late 1950's and early 1960's. In the same way that they believe themselves to be invincible (drinking, staying up late, gambling, etc. won't hurt them) the narrator believes them self to be invincible also. (Eating like this won't hurt me.) In both cases, however, the poems end with half humorous, half ominous warnings about the consequences of the actions of each of the parties involved. All in all, very nice job here!

I think this is my favorite piece of work on the entire website.

This was truly funny. Thank you for bringing a smile to my day. ^_^

I thought it was interesting. There are some things I have to mention though. Before I say them, please don't take anything I say to offence. If I criticize your writing, it means I'm only trying to help you improve. I loved this poem and I think you have an amazing potential writing. I wouldn't criticize you cruelly, only to help you.
Ok...it was interesting, a little weird however. It was kind of out there, which poetry can be, but anyhow, I really don't think it worked in this poem. I'm not saying it was bad, I'm saying I don't think the randomness of it really worked. Again, I'm NOT trying to make you feel bad as a writer.
Anyway, other than that, it was good. It was short, sweet, and to the point.
~Kristen~
P.S.- Keep writing!

Ms. Audy
5153 Profile Page
People Tab, YWS 10923



Tuesday, March 04, 2014



Dear Mr. Strange,


I am composing this letter in regards to your recent featured work, "Dip, Dip, Potato Chip," of which I've subsequently derived momentary pleasure from. Upon my further examination, it came to my immediate attention that the speaker's tone and syntactical arrangement surrounding the chip evokes a thematic exploration of what my contemporary colleagues might call a, "guilt trip".

Indeed, the poem's use of idiomatic expression found in stanza I, lines III, as well as its use of a particular schema where rhyme and rhythm is left discarded after one's primary reliance upon it, all of which have guided me to the conclusion following that the poem's principle method for subverting one's expectation contributes remarkably to its ironic humor.

If I may make one modification it would be to substitute the VI word in stanza I, lines IV to the word "paunch" (as my contemporary colleagues might say) so as to maintain the alliteration of the line, whilst enhancing its precision.

Mr. Strange, it has been a pleasure. I look forward to the continuance of your series of humorous poetic works. Please find enclosed a donation of LIV points so as to invest in your future projects.



Yours perpetually,






Audy

Yooooooooooooo.

Do I understand this work? NO! XD
Am I meant to? -shrug- XD

I love the rhyming you've got going on here with 'dip' 'chip' and 'hip'.

In terms of making this short work look more visually exciting, I would have written boom as BOOM! But that's just me.

I'm guessing if you can't see your feet, ie. past your pelvis, then you are hugggggggggge. But that's ok.

I really liked this, the usual calibre of your work: weird, funny and deliciously confusing. Yay

Kanome here with a wonderful review for you.

First off, let me just say that this is the most interesting yet random poem I have ever read in my life. I like the potato chip part, probably because right now I am hungry. Hehe. Anyways, I like how you ended it with "boom". I don't know why, but I laughed in the end.

You should keep writing more poems, you are obviously good at it.

I can't wait to read more. Keep up the good work c:

-K

Please apply sunblock to burned areas. Waiter, you've just been SERVED! Such an awesomesauce poem embracing the "hipness" of today's society.

I love that you can explain so much in such a small amount of words. Not to be mean, but with such small words to. Beautiful.

The poem is short (Duh) so I can't really find any cons to it. Good job Strange, I'd love to see what you write next.

That was strange.

This is so inspirational.
And it's kind of...Strange.
cx
Sorry.
I'm tired.