1
Perfection in the manner of
Outward appearance is smeared,
Covered by glazed eyes.
Rose colored glasses, he has over
His dimmed gray pupils.
Living in the moment, he calls it,
As he pulls in for another kiss.
Acceptance is all I can respond with,
Failing my attempts to keep distance.
But, even then, there is still a rift between us, a chasm
Of separated disunity dividing us apart.
I know, I know he wishes to
Make me his forever, but alas, I cannot reciprocate.
2
I can remember a time when he fit,
Almost like that soft, cuddled sweatshirt
That still hangs in my locked wardrobe.
I can hear the sound of our innocence,
Dying in the distance like the sunset in
Which we first laid eyes.
He hasn’t changed much since then.
He hasn’t phased a bit.
His music still plays too loud,
Piercing all in earshot, and
His heart is still cold, feasting on
The souls of those who adore him.
Those who cannot see his true nature,
Almost like a mask is shrouding his face.
3
He and the sky have much in common,
Not to my surprise in the slightest.
They both fly high, towering above all within range.
The sun, it is with him, seeing his brightness,
Knowing only the sunshine and his world illuminated.
The moon, on the other hand, knows it all.
She might come early to see him in the light, but
Will always follow him into the dark.
She sees the cold, shallow side.
She experiences the darkness that lies
Beneath his warm, luminous exterior.
She knows his coldness.
She knows him.
I am the moon.
4
He has that sort of serial killer attitude about him,
The sinister smiles and cold stares that are calm,
But almost too calm.
The way his eyes connect to mine - gray to blue.
It’s almost as if he can see right through into
My very soul, grasping it in his ever-so-soft hands.
He has a way with words, as well.
He can say whatever he wants and get away with it, just
Because everyone loves him.
I sometimes wonder what all of them would think if they knew.
I ponder the idea of coming clean, and telling the world
That he isn’t what they believe.
How would they feel if they knew that the brilliant man they once knew
Is just a pig inside, covered by a mask of social proficiency.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,798 Reviews
A collection of poems this brilliant and it's still in the Green Room? I'm now angry.
I apologize. I'm not a poet so I cannot offer any helpful critique on this, but seriously, I see nothing to fix.
This was beautiful. I don't have much experience with sonnets (Shakespeare bores me <_<) but this was literally entrancing. I tore into this; I was confused with how weirdly structured this was, but nonetheless engrossed with the poems. They were beautiful. Like seriously. Your imagery was insanely perfect. Excellent metaphors and literary device usage. It helped highlight the imagery and brighten it and bring it alive in the reader's mind. Imagery is definitely one of your strongest suits.
The emotion you conveyed with this was clear and constant; never wavering, or fading altogether. You kept a strong tone with your carefully worded sentences and structured stanzas, so that helped boost the overall strength of the sonnets.
Overall, I just loved the way you told the story. Seeing the man from the mistress' point of view was nice, as it was a change of pace. To see his true side, and to see that she does not enjoy being his mistress, is not what I expected when coming into this. Love the plot twist, and the sonnets overall! Sorry if my fangirling was not helpful, but gosh, this was good.
Hey there! How are you? Purple here to give you a review! Let's get started
WOW! This is a fantastic first impression you have made upon me! I'm blown away at the depth of this subject that you clearly fully grasp. This just tore at my heart strings, I love it.
"She might come early to see him in the light, but
Will always follow him into the dark."
That might have to be my favorite line/s if I have to pick. You know the true nature of this person, and that is the hard thing about love that ends badly. Either the person completely betrayed you and showed their true dark colors, or they just hurt you but are still the same person and that's even more difficult. The only thing I would consider changing is deleting the line "I am the moon" because that was actually relatively clear to the reader
Keep up the amazing work and have a good day!
~Purple
I'm quite well, actually! How are you?
These poems are some of my favorites that I've done so far, so thank you for the compliments! The only reason that I have that "I am the moon" line is because I wrote these for my Style class and I had to keep them to sonnet form, so I had to keep it to fourteen lines. I might rewrite that line to something less blunt. Thank you for your opinion!
Have a lovely day!
This is brilliant! Amazing imagery… the final sonnet is so descriptive, and the final line leaves me so satisfied. Awesome writing, seriously!
-Briggsy
Thank you so much!