I feel around the edges
of my hips and up
to my ribcage.
I hold my waist, feeling
the extra skin,
taking a deep breath in.
It’s still there.
I let out the carbon dioxide that
has balled up in my mouth.
The toxic smell of
vomit fills the air.
My tear stained cheeks
push against my teeth as I
take a big gulp of saliva.
Please.
Stay down.
I grasp the marble
of the bathroom sink,
clenching my knuckles white.
I bite my lip as I
fight back the urge.
No.
I can’t.
I’m pale, almost as if
the life has been
sucked dry from my face.
I try to convince myself that
this isn’t real,
but I can’t deny the
defeated face looking
back at me through the mirror.
This is me.
This is who I’ve become.
I wipe my mouth with
my sleeve, soaking it
in the remains of
what was just in my stomach.
I step back and
sit onto the cold tile.
I try to dry my eyes in
my hands, but
I’m shaking too much.
I can't do any more.
There's nothing left.
I’m balled up,
looking at the
swade painted walls of my bathroom;
the mustard-yellow tones staring
back at me like daggers.
I bury my head into
my kneecaps and
weep to myself,
wanting nothing more than
To end this constant battle with myself.
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Canary word: Present
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125,022 Literary Works • 672,754 Reviews
wonderfull poem, good imagination, i like it so much
i loved when you said
"I step back and
sit onto the cold tile.
I try to dry my eyes in
my hands, but
I’m shaking too much."
and also
"wanting nothing more than
To end this constant battle with myself."
keep the good work like this one
Powerful stuff. The imagery used is some of the best I've seen, really creates a definitive sense of realism and actually being there. There's not really anything I can nitpick about that which is already written - however, I was hoping for just a little... more.
Basically, this is an extremely well done portrayal of what it means to be at war with one's self. But that's it. Personally, I was hoping for maybe a little twist, a little change, something a little more than what's here. In all honesty, I don't know what exactly I'm looking for.
Being so well done, I just sorta expected some amazing, twisting, jaw-dropping ending that I couldn't possible fortell.
Not the best help, I know. But anyways, keep up the great writing.
I didn't add a twist at the end because it's written from a moment in time and I didn't want to change anything, but thank you for your kind words!
This poem is very important.
A very emotional, beautiful poem about...who? What? I'm not sure if it's a fight against bulimia or just the flu. Either way, it evokes the deep fears and terrors in us all, coughing up our lunch.
(unless your vegetarian)
The only nit picks I have is, you don't explain the who, what, when, where, and how. Then again, poems don't usually do that. Their meant to floow like this sentence (unless you think not).
Anywho, great work, keep writing, and eat more chicken
It's bulimia. This was originally supposed to be the start of a Creative Nonfiction piece, but I decided to write a poem out of it instead.
Thank you for your comment!
ok.
Timmy here for a quick review!
You have to forgive me if this is short. There isn't really anything to nitpick on this piece. Just to make sure, I will check over one last time though... So do you mind waiting one moment? Thanks.
Nitpicks
Faving time and style
I hope you can forgive me... That was the only nitpick I could find and I am not sure if it counts as a nitpick. Does it? I suppose it does...
Anyway, onto faving your poem! This was so amazing! I admit that I have never written any narrative poetry. Mine is all dramatic normal stuff. Definitely not as awesome as this.
The thing I like the most of all in this poem was the passion you expressed in this.... The sadness, the hard struggle. Everything was just so amazing. It was like I was watching her there with her struggle... So visual and vivid imagery!
This was a fairly long poem, and I might have not finished reading had you not absolutely captivated me with your story... This was absolutely amazing. For only being on YWS for a short while, you shall be on Spotlight! I guarantee it! Actually, I see it already is! Let me help that. *clicks on like button* There.
~Darth Timmyjake
Thank you so much! This is a really personal piece to me and I love it so much! I'm glad that you do, as well!
This was deep, dramatic, and so very emotional. I wanted to cry for the character.
The feelings were also really prominent. I could practically hear the pleading voice.
You described the internal battle very VERY well, indeed. I commend you for that
This poem <3 it was descriptive in the best way possible and as soon as I started reading, I didn't want to stop. Absolutely wonderful!!
Always,
DarkHeart
Thank you for your comment, m'dear!
Wow! What a strong and powerful poem. You wrote this beautifully and I was mesmerized as you pulled me into the swirling pile of beautiful words. I would love to see you write more!