A/N Ok so I've never written a romantic story and I don't think I've actually read a romance book so I thought I'd have a crack at one of my weaker genres. I'd appreciate all advice especially about content. Thanks for reading! :D ~Silver
It's a comfortable silence we sit in. We know each other so well, so thoroughly, that sometimes there's just no need for words. I know in times like this he likes to contemplate things, ponder upon what has happened and what may become. He knows that I like to try and figure him out, try to somehow know exactly what he's thinking. He's an intuitive one, my Sam. It's a nice sensation as he rocks the porch swing we're sitting on with his long legs. The movement is calming, along with the music that the crickets play and the faint glow of the porch lamp.
A long time ago I used to dream of a knight in shining armour sweeping me off my feet and pulling me onto his white stallion. That dream came true but ended abruptly when he pushed me off his horse to rescue another damsel in distress. I broke something that day. When I fell off that damned horse I broke something and I still don't know what it is.
Then I met Sam.
He was perfect because he wasn't perfect. His shyness, his stutter and absent mindedness all added to the boyish smile, strong build and, later as I found out, his brilliant personality. He was always trying to find a way to make me happy, make me content, or make me smile. My poor Sam, he deserves better than me.
The cool night breeze is a welcome upon my warm face as I silently try to count the stars in the sky. We sit on either end of the swing with a gaping space between us. It's a space I've tried often to fill but... it's hard. As if he's the pole of the magnet that repels rather than attracts. I know he feels it. When he holds my hand, the way I don't grasp it back. When he hugs me, the way I don't fully return the embrace. Or when he tells me he loves me, the way all I can manage is a half hearted smile. He waits patiently for me, my Sam. I asked him once, “How do you know? How do you know I care?”
He would smile then and say, “Y-your eyes. The w-way they l-l-light up when you s-see me. I know th-that one day the r-rest of you will f-follow.”
As we swing slowly I feel an unexplainable urge to look at him, so I do and as if he can feel it he turns his head to return my gaze. For a moment in time our eyes interlock and I see it. Behind the thoughtfulness, the joy and the love. Sadness. It fills that broken part of me with pain. I desperately want to say those words. The ones that he's been waiting to hear but I can't. Not now, not for a while - if ever. I so badly want to though because I know he loves me, my Sam. I know he loves me because he's the one that feels it the most. That distance.
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125,013 Literary Works • 672,842 Reviews
I was slightly skeptical at the begining but by the end I was so in love with the story. I was crying by the end.
Flame here, as promised!
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Let me just jot down my first impression:
Wow. The ultimate cliché, and you've transformed it. And by transforming it, I don't mean masking the theme in intricate details. I mean weaving it into something sweet. Not cloyingly sweet. Just simple, raw, tugged straight from the heart. In this way, it's more effective than Twilight; the message slips out easier. Unaided by grease, by butter, by cooking spray...it still slips out easier.
Okay, you caught me. I'm not the best judge. The only romance book I've ever read is Bram Stoker's Dracula, if that counts, so you can see, I abhor the genre. (Don't tell my Twilight-fan friends.) But it doesn't take a fan of sappy stories to love, admire, and devour this piece like it's a fresh-baked muffin
Ask anyone. I abhor clichés as much as romance. But this was actually effective, as it was wrapped in a cliché theme.
I also just love how you chose the name "Sam." It reminds me of something...LOTR, I think. Frodo would address whoever he was talking to a lot. "Oh, dear Sam." I don't know whether it was intended or not, but it ignited some warm memories.
God, I could gush about this all day. The flow, the description, the mood and tone. And I promise I'm not sugarcoating things.
If I were to find one fault with this...
Sorry for the huge chunk. I tried to cut out some parts so it wouldn't seem like I'm just striving for points.
The reader's initial impression is that the knight is Sam. Then "he pushed me off his horse to rescue another damsel and distress" and then we're hearing "I met Sam." Slightly confusing. I'd recommend just dropping some subtle hints, so it doesn't hit the reader so hard when "he pushed me off his horse."
Also located some grammar mistakes...
This qualifies as a compound sentence, so a comma should be inserted before the conjunction. In this case, "and."
Add a "his" before "absent" to maintain consistency. "Absentmindedness" is also one word.
Either exchange the comma for a semicolon or for a period. I'd recommend the latter.
No need for the article.
Since this is a complex sentence, and the subordinating conjunction's located in the beginning of the sentence, we're going to need a comma at the end of the dependent clause.
Keep up the good work! Looking forward to hearing more from you!
Hey Flamo!!
Thanks for the review!! Haha! You have no idea how much distaste I have for the romance genre. The only romance novel I've read is pride and prejudice which surprisingly I enjoyed. I usually prefer romance as a subplot. I guess thats why I wrote this though, to see If I could create something that a romance
hater"disliker" such as moi et toi would enjoy.Thanks for all the things You pointed out I'll get around to fixing them soon!
No problem...um, Silvery? Locky? Locko!
Whatever works hun. It's fine with me
I really did enjoy this piece. Very well written. It could use a little more description of the characters, but over all, it is moving.
Thank you!
Hi, Silver!
Okay, first of all, wow. I know the reviewers before me have already said this, but seriously—this was amazing. Your choice of wording was flawless. The emotion was absolutely real and palpable. The flow was perfect.
It was a short story, yet I feel like I know so much about the MC and Sam and everything! It's just... argh, it's so perfect. And I love that you didn't make it overly romantic or overly sappy like some romance tales are. It was realistic, it was heartfelt, it was lovely.
I really only have one teensy, tiny nitpick:
This didn't flow quite right. It could be—and probably is—just me and my anal nitpick-y-ness, but nonetheless. Maybe try:
'I so badly want to, though, because I know he loves me—my Sam.'
Ugh, that doesn't sound good either. Just ignore me. I'm trying to look for nitpicks where there was none.
I wish I could give you something constructive or some kind of suggestion/criticism, but I honestly can't. This was just too good.
Well done!
Hey Lu! Thanks for reviewing this!
Yeah that line sounded clunky to me too, I just didn't know how to fix it :/
Haha! *whispers* I hate overly romantic or sappy stories.
Which was why I wrote this as a challenge for myself.
Thanks again!!
Wow, that was deep and intense. Was this a true story because there was a lot of passion behind it. It was powerful, and moving. The metaphor of the knight in shining armor was awesome, and I loved how Sam had a stutter, and wasn't perfect but he still knew that the girl cared for him.
Another thing that I enjoyed was "my Sam". The slight possessiveness pushes through the feeling of care and love.
Very good job on your story, keep writing stuff like this. It makes the world a better place. Awesome job!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hey!!
Thanks a lot for reviewing my story! No this wasn't a true story at all just little something I came up with. 
I love this! I have to ask, though, is it a true story? Cuz you don't have to be used to writing something if you can feel it. :3 getting the feelings across is all it takes, and you did a really good job of it.
I don't think it seems incomplete. Like any amazing story, I wish it were longer, but it doesn't seem unfinished to me because I know the feeling of that. You described it so well that it was almost like my own experiences filled in the rest of it, and I just KNEW it, you know? I know the story.
Thank you for sharing this!
Thank you for reviewing! No it's not a true story lol. I'm just about the most unromantic person in literature and real life
So no I haven't gone through any angsty feelings or whatnot 
I'm glad that you got this though. Leaving out a lot of information was a stylistic decision because I wanted to focus in the then and there emotions rather than "their story". Thanks again!!!
This is such an awesome piece! I'd never believe that this is your first time writing romance. I love it, honestly. The only thing I'd really like to say about it has to do with what "broke" your main character. I love the idea, the concept of having someone hurt you in a way that you feel you can't love again, as it's incredibly real. But I think it would really help with connecting with the character if we were at least given a tidbit of what that was like for her. I like the way you conveyed this brokenness, but why? How? You can definitely leave the reader asking questions, but not too many. I'd at least like a little bit of the story to satisfy my hunger! That's really all that I can see that needs work here; the emotion is strong and I adore it.
Keep writing!
Emily
Hey Emily! Thank you for you review and the advice!
Hi! This is my very first review on this site, so bear with me!
I really liked how you opened the story: it really set the scene for the romantic setting I assume you were aiming for. However, in the next paragraph you begin to describe this "knight in shining armor", and as a reader it is easy to assume that you are still talking about Sam. Perhaps provide a better transition so you aren't abruptly going from talking about Sam to talking about the other guy.
"He was perfect because he wasn't perfect" This whole paragraph made me smile.
"As if he's the pole of the magnet that repels rather than attracts" Also excellent.
This has the potential to be a really beautiful piece. However, it feels incomplete and I suggest you expand upon this a little more. What happened with the other guy to make the narrator feel so insecure? How did she meet Sam? What were her first impressions of his "flaws", and what exactly about them makes them attractive to her? There are a lot of gaps in this story which need to be filled to make it more developed. The ending is also a little abrupt, in contrast to the rest of the story which flows nicely.
I'd love to hear the rest of her and Sam's story. As mentioned above, I really think you can turn this into something beautiful
Izzy
Hey Izzy! Congrats on your first ever review! That was a pretty good one.
I've tried to ease the transition a little but it's difficult to do without disturbing the flow of the story. Thanks for reviewing!