Warning: This work has been rated 16+.
Chapter 1
‘’So, summer vacation is all over I must say” Carly said into the phone. “Everything is back to routine from tomorrow onwards” Sietzi sighed. Carly and Sietzi were as usual having their back to school talk. Carly wished the vacation stayed a bit longer. Now that she’d had to iron her uniform and do all the school shit.
There was a brief silence when Carly chimed in again. “I wonder what's gonna be special about tomorrow..”
“I have to tell you something about that meanest ass'' Sietzi admitted.
Just then the door to Carly’s room swung open. Carly sat up straight on her bed, the codless dropped from her hand. Her annoying little sister popped in.
‘Shit! Had her sister been listening to their conversation from the other phone?’ Carly’s heart sank. That feeling.
UGH
“What Snazzy?” Carly said.
Snazzy just cracked up more. “Miss Stew-Pid Carly”
Carly wanted to wipe the stupid grin off her face. She grabbed a cushion and tossed it at her head.
Snazzy bent just in time to avoid the assault.
‘’Ass’’ Carly called after her.
‘’Hello, Anybody home?” Sietzi repeated, what felt like a million times.
‘’Yah I am here. Sorry about that. Stupid sister was annoying again.’’
‘’You know I just heard that Jenette is acting weird’’ Sietzi said.
‘’Weird in the sense....?’’ Carly questioned.
“Her BestFF is my best bus mate right?”
‘’Yes, so?”
“So, she called me up yesterday and said that Jenette is getting attracted to girls’’
“WHATTTT????” Carly’s mouth opened wide.
“Yah, we will find about it tomorrow. That’s all she said me.”
“Fine”
They now talked about clothes and food. Carly switched the subject as she didn’t want her sister to hear all this now.
After an hour. Sietzi said ‘’I need to go, catch yah tomorrow”
‘’Okay, Bye’’ Carly said clicking off the phone.
One 0 clock in the night.
‘Seven hours left for school to re-open’ she thought. She pressed her uniform and jumped into her cozy bed for a cozy sleep.
Only when
‘TRING….TRING…..TRING’ the alarm started beeping.
‘’Oh fish! I am late” Carly woke up startled. She didn't have time for a whole new shower and she’d probably be late for school. It was 7:40 am. Twenty- five minutes for school to start.
Carly just hoped that her day would go well and not go by being insulted by stupid girls.
GRRR
‘How did Jenette manage to be so disgusting and cool at the same place? It wasn't possible that she was some kind of celebrity. Okay, maybe she is in school.’
Carly brushed her teeth up and down then left and right…. Wore her uniform…. Combed her hair neatly.
She found her mom in the kitchen.
‘’Mom!’’ Carly yelled. “I am gonna be late for school!” She pointed to her all new ‘SWATCH’ watch.
“Oh YAH”, Mrs. Bond said. She motioned to their dining table. Carly sat down. Grabbed a milkshake and gulped it down as quickly as she could.
‘’Here, have these.” Her mom handed her ‘Sooper’ biscuits.
‘’MOM, I AM GETTING LATE!” Carly reminded her once more.
‘’So? No big deal.’’ Mrs.Bond said.
‘’No big deal? Carly demanded. “No big deal? But I am supposed to ___”
Carly stopped herself. This was the only thing which could make this morning worse and that was having to deal with her mom getting all misty-eyed over the fact that she had a ‘Lesbo’ in her class. ‘’I am supposed to be on time. That’s what good girls are.” Carly said, swallowing her impatience. “and now I am freaking late!”
‘’FINE. Lets go.” Mrs.Bond said with a confused expression. Carly and being a good girl? Totally different.
They plodded along toward the garage. Carly was definitely in a hurry to start her day now that she had to wait till the car would come out of the garage.
She checked her watch. 7:55 Am. 10 minutes still left.
Thank goodness her school was just a five-minute drive.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,798 Reviews
hey man, this is interesting. the first I thought about this was that you or your character lives across the pond. on account of there being different ways of saying things over there. but that's cool, I can dig it. I guess girls gossip the same way though, 'cause if that was what you were going for, you hit that nail on the head. I realize you wrote this a while ago and that other people have already told what they though you should change. you seem like a pretty chill person so I gonna follow you. keep on writing.
Thanks
Hi! Lucrezia here to review.
This is an interesting idea, with certainly some potential. It is rough, however, and could benefit from some polish. Here are my nitpicks:
I assume you meant to write "cordless phone," not "codless."
The pacing here felt a bit weird/fast for me. I think you could've slowed it down a bit, given us a better sense of who the characters are, who this Jenette girl is, etc. It just felt a bit rushed and left me a little confused.
This line had me puzzled. I'm going to assume it's because of how you wrote it and not because I'm misunderstanding it. If I'm right, it should've been written as: "Weird in the sense…?" Carly questioned.
Or, "Weird in what sense?" Carly questioned. Either of those would make it more clear.
Anyway, that's all of my nitpicks today. Good job on this! I'll be interested to read the next chapter.
Thank You So Much For The Tips. I will take it into consideration.
Awww, this is kinda cute. A school girl, experiencing lesbians. LOL, did that sound funny? Will wait for the next chapter. There are some spelling mistakes I wanted to point out. Instead of you, when you're using ya, it should be ya and not yah. And It should be yeah, not yah. And this Carly seems to have her own sister...and sis seems to have Jenette's bff as her bus mate, so if her sis takes the bus and not she, that's a bit weird. And you could have described the hurry of school way better..like mom's yelling. Most of the time it happens. Here the mom seems to be calm.
That's all I had to say. Good going. 
No No.. Carly's best friend's best bus mate's best friend is acting weird.
oh sorry now i understood...it was a bit complicated.
Okay.
Timmyjake to give you a short review.
I enjoyed this first chapter, but I have a few nitpicks! Here we go!!
Ok, so what I noticed in this chapter was a lot of talking, but not a lot of thinking. She just talks the whole time, without any thought. And the phone conversation was a good portion of the story, and seemed to be the focus, where as I would think it should be in the background.
One other thing I noticed is that you say, 7:55 Am and then you say that there is a five minute drive left. Usually in books, they just write out all numbers. It kind of makes thing flow better.
My only other nitpick is that I have never heard someone use "fish" as a curse.
I think that was it! I enjoyed this piece. I think the name should be changed. Perhaps it would attract more people to it if the name was more appealing. That's all I have for now!
Happy writing!!
~Timmyjake
Okay Thanks For The Advice. Will take it into consideration.