Young Writers Society

Oh! I like this poem! It's a great concept, and you've definitely got a really great, dark tone going here. However, there are a few problems.
I know it's for the dramatic affect of repetition, but 'to good for I' is so wrong, in the grammatical sense. First, it should be 'too' as opposed to 'to' and second 'I' can only do stuff, while stuff can be done to 'me.' I'm sure you know this already, and I get that it's for dramatic effect, and sometimes it works to break grammatical rules, but in my opposite-of-expert opinion, I don't think it works here.
I love your word choice through out the poem. It's a simple, solid poem and I love the repetition of the other lines. Awesome job with the length and the voice.
Hope this review helped! Keep writing and Happy Review Day!!!
From the Flaming Keys,
-Tgirly

Hi there, Buzz here to review!

What a simply negative poem you have here, which is good in the sense of what you're going for, so well done on that. You also created an emotional connection between the reader and your poem. However, there is always room for improvement, so i have a few minor things i'd like to suggest, that may help improve your poem further.

"In real life I am surprising, lame, mean, rude, even revolting"

Well at times I feel like you could make this negativity more poetic. In the first line you described yourself, but i'd have like to see what makes you have these negative qualities that aren't in any way positive.


*The "to should be *too.

"You are to good for me, to good for myself, to good for I"

Perhaps try to elaborate more of the feeling of nothingness you hold yourself in, i feel like this poem could be very deep, maybe it needs to be continued.

Overall a good poem, well written, a lot of potential.

Hope i was of help to you.

-Buzz

Hello, Kyla here. I think this is amazing! It is very good. I want to ask though - and as I just said to someone else- I will be asking this in probably all my reviews now because I want to make sure people do. Do you understand and know this poem? I ask because I have found that to be very important. I do agree, I see some needed adjustments. Now if I come off as offensive, please do tell me. I am not perfect and I do make mistakes, this is just what I read.

The way I would have gone with this poem, because it's how I read it and makes sense to me, I would have done this:

In real life, I am surprising, lame, mean, rude, even revolting.
If you knew me, you'd be aghast.
You are sure to regret your meeting of me;
For I am everything you don't want and dislike.
you are too good for me; to good for myself; to good for I.
You are sure to regret your meeting of me;
For I am everything you don't want and dislike.

Hey, CrystalPony21

I agree with yubbies21, this poem has a strong message behind it.

also in agreement, it could use a few touch ups.

"You are to good for me, to good for myself, to good for I" was my favorite line, the play on me myself and I. Where you said "to", however, should be changed to "too".

The overall sadness behind the poem is really easy to relate with. I identified with the feelings that most of us in the world share. Despite the negative message, it leaves a positive feeling in me when I read it. You are talented!

(I'm sure you are not as bad as you describe!)

Hey CrystalPony21!

This is a really nice poem! It could use a few touch ups, but you have amazing talent!

It states everything clearly and decisively. It doesn't flow as smooth as it could, but that's okay! It doesn't have to! I love the emotions portrayed in the seven simple lines!

This poem has great talent behind it! Keep writing!

yubbies21