Chapter 7
Faith awoke with a start, a gunshot ringing in her ears. She looked back at Kate, but the girl looked just as confused as Faith. Kate's hand strayed to a weapon resting against the shelf when Zack appeared in the entrance, a robot head in his hand, which was still sprinkling sparks. "We gotta get moving quick." He said, tossing down two brown leather bags. Faith stood and picked one up, handing it back to Kate. She ruffled through the bag, then glanced back at Faith. "Everything look satisfactory for you?" There were specially marked cans in the bag, some food, others having unidentified contents. A small weapon, similar to the plagon gun, was in a specially made steel-lined holster. Basic emergency equipment and various necessary gear pieces filled the remaining space. Faith slung the bag over her thin shoulder, letting out a grunt. "This is heavy for a few cans and some gear.." Kate smirked and reached into her bag, un-clasping a side pocket. She drew out a long, hollow metal bar, with a side pouch of darts. Kate stopped Faith from reaching for the darts. "These are knockout darts. Unless you want to be knocked out till tomorrow, I wouldn't touch them.." Faith withdrew her hand swiftly, wincing. Zack tapped his foot on the stone floor impatiently. "We have to go!" Kate tossed another smaller bag into the other and slung it over her shoulder. "Alright.. Faith, you ready?" Faith nodded. "I guess I'm as ready as I'll get.." She stepped out into the hallway after Zack and Kate shut the door quietly behind them. Faith could hear noises from far down the tunnels. Zack looked grim. "They're drilling through the dirt to get to the tunnels. It won't be too long." Faith laughed nervously. "Great.. Where are we going?" She looked hopefully to the light at the end of the tunnel but Kate laughed. "Sorry princess, but we aren't going out there." She grabbed Faith's wrist and pulled her to the ladder that had been concealed by vines. Faith climbed up swiftly, with some help by the ever-energetic Kate. The ladder led up to a small cave, with a soft orange glow coming from a well. Faith walked slowly over to it, looking down into the stone well. She could see what looked like lava, but there was a breeze coming out of it. She looked back at Kate and Zack. For the first time, she saw the scars streaked over Zack's tanned face. But she had no more time to think about this, as Kate had her wrist and was walking towards the other side of the well. Steps led down into the orange liquid and seemed to go straight through it. Zack pushed both of the girls suddenly, then jumped down after them. Faith's arms seemed to be pulled apart as pressure closed into her mind. She could feel Kate's fingers still around her wrist but couldn't turn her head. Before Faith could process all this, she could feel her legs free from the liquid, then her waist. All in one movement, she dropped into a pool of water. She looked up and could see the liquid moving above her, but it seemed to just stay there, not moving down or up. Faith painfully moved her head and saw Kate, still clasping her wrist. Both girls were fished out by Zack, who set them on their feet. Faith had been soaked to the skin, but as soon as she stepped out of the water, the liquid fell off her clothes, leaving them dry. Her jaw dropped as she touched the fabric. Kate just smirked and commented. "You'll see a lot of things you've never seen before here." Zack scoffed. "C'mon.. Let's get going." As they walked down more dark tunnels, Faith questioned Kate in a low voice.
"Is this Autus?" Kate shrugged. "This is Quoct, one of the cities above Autus." "So Autus is some kind of underground labyrinth?" Faith asked. Kate nodded. "A maze in which hundreds of explorers have been lost and slain. It was designed like the Labyrinth, but with many Minotaurs, those being wolf-like creatures that pursue human flesh. So humans like us are the ones they hunt with a passion. They are the top reason no one has survived the maze." Faith shivered. "I can't believe it's me who has to do this.." Zack and Kate exchanged sad glances, but Zack shook his head, telling Kate to not say what was on both their minds. Kate just put her arm around Faith as they walked on and squeezed reassuringly.
Chapter 8
Faith's legs ached from the long walk and constant tripping over the uneven ground. But finally, there was a soft breeze sweeping down the tunnel from ahead. All three quickened their pace until they reached another ladder. But there was hardly any light coming from the gray sky above them. This all was going through Faith's mind as she was hauled up by Zack and set down on the cold grass. It was cold, but ah, the fresh air! After the hours upon hours in the musty blackness, this fresh blackness was far better. Faith looked behind and saw a large city off in the distance, rising over the plains between it and the other three castles, which formed a square around the ground they stood on.
"So, are these cities surrounding where Autus is?" Faith questioned.
"Don't you know?" Zack asked, raising his bushy eyebrows.
"Autus is huge.. It stretches underneath the cities to the outskirts and farther! These people don't know that Autus is here, since they travel miles and miles to begin at the main entrance. But that part is simply swarming with traps and creatures." Faith's mind was a maze of thoughts but she managed to pull a question out.
"So, why me to do this? If we just have to get past those beasts, all you need is an army.. But why me?" Kate took a deep breath.
"The source doesn't lie in the middle of the Labrinyth. The obstacles are just guards to protect the second layer of the maze, which isn't as well protected but it's full of puzzles and riddles, which if you answer wrong, you'll most likely be slain. Simple as that." This hit Faith square between the eyes and she flopped down, her mouth agape.
"This.. This is just too much. I can't do this!" Kate elbowed Zack, motioning for him to stop. Then she sat down beside Faith, putting her hand on the girl's shoulder.
"It's not going to be easy, Faith. But if you don't do it, someone else will and they might not be as merciful with it. Now c'mon, miss! It's either you or someone that'll probably destroy the galaxy." Kate hauled Faith off the stone ground and grasped her shoulders.
"I'm trusting in you to do this."
Sent from my iPod
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137,699 Literary Works • 672,062 Reviews
Hi there Ajruby!
Here to do a review on this novel chapter. I just read the other chapters as well, so I could understand the story and know what's going on. The problem was that even after all this reading I still didn't quite get what was going on :/ And that can easily be solved by two words. Slow. Down.
In the first chapter they're all under attack and she finds her presumed dead lover Gabe and then they run off and he's her protector who faked being in love with her but then he actually is and then they fight and she's kidnapped by not killed? And then they all fight together even the kidnappers and they're in the middle of nowhere but Gabe knows he's reassigned and oh wait Ralni's a robot and now there's this guy called Zack where did he come from? All I can remember is Josh and Hunter and Gabe and... Now they're in a labyrinth and whattt???
Breathe.
You see how much you've already put in there? The best thing for you to do is look over all of this and take it a lot more slowly. I would like more description when it comes to the scene and where they are, as well as Faith's emotions which at times can be unrealistic. She loves Gabe but let's him walk away from her pretty easily. I would expect a bit more drama, an emotion where her heart feels like it's being ripped out, or she wants to cry a river or something a bit more "emotional."
You could also cut out a lot of the characters. All the way from the beginning. I can understand why you've mentioned Gabe's name in a very specific manner, and Ralni's. But at the beginning you mention Josh and Hunter and a bunch of other guys. We don't need all their names because later it gets a tad confusing. Why not just say Gabe and his mates? Also, make Zack's entrance more important. I've already forgotten who he is to the story.
My final advice to you, is that you need to explain what happened with Ralni-becoming-a-robot a lot better. The event itself is pretty clear. But afterwards why it happened has been explained, and that's not clear enough. I still found myself wondering whaaaaat? How did that happen?
You also might want to cut the "sent from my ipod" at the bottom of this chapter.
I thought it was good though. I was grateful that you've done the separating into paragraphs for the later chapters, and that you know each different speaker needs a new paragraph. Generally, I thought the spelling and grammatical situation was fine. I like Faith's character, and the fact that the human is the 'key'.
Oh that leads to one more point. We know that Faith is the key to Autus, and so important they'd rather everyone died but her. How did she become that key? Does it run in the bloodline and is the 'youngest' child of the families inheritance? And what exactly does this key do? Does it mean Faith has super powers, or she's a weapon that she doesn't even know how to use herself yet? Stress this point for the readers a bit more, and they'll be a lot more interested in the consequences that might come with being a key.
That's all I have to say! Please post on my wall whenever you have a new chapter up. I'm happy to keep on reading this.
Deanie x
The main problem you have is you DON'T know what's coming next, correct? Everything is high-speed for a reason, because that's how Faith feels. You understand just about as much as she does. And believe me, all the characters introduced so far have a purpose. So just hang in there! I'll get it together eventually..
But I do understand that everything is moving pretty quickly, but that's mainly because I don't want to drag it out and make it boring.
I understand, but don't make it too confusing or the reader might not understand the plot at all. It's good to go fast if it's the affect you want, but keep it even...
Knight Dragon, here to review!
Technical:
Well, you should already know about your formatting. Quotes need to start new lines unless it's the same speaker. And I don't know if you know this, but some of your text is bolded and in smaller text. It makes it very difficult to read.
You split an infinitive. Not the end of the world, but that one reads really roughly.
Better written as: "All of this was going through Faith's mind"
You've used "questioned" twice instead of asked. It's a little out of the ordinary and sticks out a lot. Also, remember, it's not wrong to use "said". If you feel like you're overusing it, you're not using it enough.
Very long sentence. Please break it up a little.
Oops! I don't think that's supposed to be there. (PS-I thought that might be the case).
Hope this helps!
Sorry about the formatting, people! I'll fix it as soon as I can..