Young Writers Society

Excellent! Outstanding! Amazing! Great job! I rally liked this poem because its so truthful. Truthful about the world today. Today our world isn't what it used to be or should be. You know what I mean? I mean the wars going on in different country's and hatred. Its all so wrong. But its how humanity was made. But sooner or later where going to wipe out our species. But then what will happen? Anyway... Good job your poetry speaks to me and your a great poet. Keep writing!

From,
Buddy886551

Hello!! I'm here to review this poem of yours for the sake of my review team and for your wonderful poetic growth.

Before I begin, I would like to say that while I was reading this, you detailed it a little too much, making the main points hard to spot.

Also, you should add some commas and periods. I learned not to do this the hard way. While looking at my poetry, they might not have any. Uh, I'm too lazy to edit my work, so let's just say I kept it that way. I realize it now, but it makes your poem seem like they have no breaks, even if they are supposed to.

I'll be reviewing this stanza to stanza, so shall we begin? I warn that I might be a little harsh, so I caution you, but hey! Who isn't?

Monsters use us- pupetteers
Stringing us along
Use us to enact their evil
Use us to do wrong

They hold our bodies
With a puppets’ string
Constrict our thoughts
Until we are no more than a thing

They fling us into battle
They fling us out to war
Making us instuments of destruction
But still they want more

They turn us on each other
They destroy us all
They disintigrate their own creation
Yet we come still when they call

Hi Pencil2Paper!

Here to review your lovely poem! So first off, I love the title of this poem. It really caught my eye and once I started reading the poem, I was left speechless. I love how this poem expresses our human bodies as puppets, and the 'monsters' are our puppeteers.

My favorite stanza was the last one. That's because you explain how the puppeteers don't treat the puppet's very well at all, yet they still go crawling back to their master. That's some genuine loyalty right there.

As for the review, let me mention one thing first. I am a beginner at poetry, so I don't know all that much about it yet, but I intend to learn. I think this is a really well written poem, and I admire it. Since I am a beginner, I can't critique much about it. To me, this is pretty much perfect.

I just noticed that you misspelled a couple of words such as 'puppeteers'. I also noticed there wasn't any punctuation added at all. I know that poems don't necessarily always need punctuation, but I think it just makes it easier to read. That's all I have to say. Thanks you and happy writing!

Yours till the Chocolate Chips,
Snow

Hello!

I like the general idea of this poem and in many ways for many people, it speaks some measure of truth. However, I believe that the view you express is a bit naive and lacks depth and any analysis of the problems that would create a type of society that limply follows.

Also, I agree with niteowl that your poem is choppy and really lacks flow in some areas. One technique you can use is to commit to a syllable count.

They hold our bodies
With a puppets’ string
Constrict our thoughts
Until we are no more than a thing

Hi there Pencil2paper!

First off, I hate to break it to you, but it sounds like you fell for a "vanity anthology" type scam. Basically, these people accept all or most of the submissions they receive, then send out a flattering letter asking for money to buy the book. No one gets them outside of the authors/families, and your piece will be sandwiched in a bunch of others. More info here or google the company name and "scam". I fell for something similar when I was younger, so I understand the appeal of these things. Apparently even teachers fall for them when you'd think they know better.

Anyway, let's talk about the poem itself. Overall, I like it. The concept is interesting and there's some interesting phrasing. However, the rhythm is a bit choppy. The first stanza flows nice, but the second not so much.

Until we are no more than a thing

Making us instuments of destruction

They disintigrate their own creation
Yet we come still when they call

I love the title to start. It makes you think. And I love how you use two analogies right away. It could potentially be difficult to use monsters and puppets but to still be able to see the poem is talking about humans and devils and real evil, but I know exactly what you're getting at.

"Constrict our thoughts until we're no more than a thing."

I like how deep this line is. And the truth is that sometimes we don't even realize we're being used. Yet other times we feel helpless to the way we're getting pulled and pushed around. So very very philosophical yet I can still relate.

"They fling us into battle
They fling us out to war"

Here you could have just said "into" twice. It would have been the obvious choice, but I really like that you didn't. The variety makes it flow better and gives it more of an oomph.

"But still they want more."

I think that's a very important line I'm glad you included because it's true that greed comes hand and hand with all the other evils and it never seems to be enough.

"They disintigrate their own creation
Yet we come still when they call"

My favorite lines for sure. It's really good to end something with the best lines of the work so you did well. It's one of those things that just seems to resonate with you when it's over. Good job on a deep topic.