Young Writers Society

I think this is another lovely poem! You're a very good poet so far. I love that it seems sad and a little lonely. I also love how it's an unknown speaker talking to you about a man--and your last line, "if only someone like you were here" is a perfect ending! It adds just the faintest brush of hope, like when the light of the sun just barely touches the horizon. I do think maybe a stanza of physical description of this man might be highly effective, too. You could give more of a hint as to time, give us a physically-based picture of what he looks like in his war-haunted grief. All in all, though, it is incredibly well done! I look forward to read more of your work.

Hello ArianaSarroyo, nice to meet you.

This is a very good piece. It has lots of emotion, and a good rhythm.

There's really not much to critique. The only thing I can really say is that I think the second stanza would be better with a little rewording. It sorta breaks the rhythm of the poem(or at least that's my opinion).

I really like the way you started it. That definitely has to be my favorite stanza.

Actually just recently my sister(her screen name is Rainn) wrought a poem which has a similar theme. Hers is told from the viewpoint of a man who is always passing people by, not caring. In the end the man finally cares an does something.
Yeah, this just reminded me of it...
If your interested it can be found here work.php?id=100635

Anyway, back to the review. I really must say that the third stanza makes me sad. I think that's because I know it's true, so many people just don't care anymore.

I really, really liked the way you ended it. Although it made me feel slightly guilty, because I know there are people out there who are hurting, but I don't know how to help them.
This stanza has made me start to think, and I believe that is a good thing. And for that reason, I hope that many, many, many more people read this.

~WW

Hi Ariana! Overall, I think there's some good ideas in this piece. I really like the title and the related lines

His eyes tell his story

Through his thousand yard stare

He's got all of the war in his eyes

You can look straight through him

And see he wishes the reality

Was nothing but lies.

It seems there's so many who could help,

But it's as if no one cares

After all, the world is too occupied

with its own affairs