Wait for the light,
the sun’s transparent rays to warm my face,
as I sit under this peach tree,
yes this place where I was found once before, and escaped to yet again.
This place is my friend, my home, my undying love.
This is the place where he died,
and I feel that this is the place where I must do the same.
I wait for the parting of the clouds to bring me the familiar light that brightens the sky and hides the stars which are only visible at night.
Breathe because I know that this could be my last.
I watch the leaves fall from the tops of the trees and float down,
skimming the waves of the wind,
giving me proof that something that cannot be seen does exist.
I move my toes and my fingers,
feeling the soft feathery touch the grass has to offer me,
feeling every blade of the green texture to glide in between the vacant spaces of my toes and fingers,
allowing them to trace the grooves that my skin gave to mark my identity.
What a lovely feeling it is.
And then, the spark is ignited, the beautiful and wondrous feeling of warmth hits me;
the heat creeping up from the base of my bony neck,
slowly crawling up my chin growing narrower and narrower only to cross my cheeks bringing that tremendous warmth I’ve missed.
It glimmers in my eyes, making them sparkle like the night time sky,
similar to the starlit evening prize of which shows the past, present, and the future
giving the darkest of places a chance to see
what the almighty has given to us for free.
So I just lay in the grass and breathe.
Waiting until the day,
counting down these wasted hours until my soul can taste the semisweet bitterness of freedom;
waiting patiently to be released from the burden that is,
No one knows that I have wondered away,
no one knows I want to be left alone in this way,
no one knows why it is that my heart and my life began to fear this day.
Forgetting the power that is behind this mighty curse, what is killing me from the inside.
I know they are looking for me.
Seeing to it that once they find me I shall be locked away,
never to see the light of day again.
Trying to keep me for just one more day all in the name of love and care.
That’s why I left, I left to not be kept inside, to be someone’s leech that only gives them grief,
no, I want to be a bird, so elegant and so free.
Free to roam and free to be whatever it is that is not expected of me.
Sitting—I am—under this preach tree,
which my grandfather planted years ago,
watching these leaves fall down collecting their last bits of sunlight as possible before they shrivel up and begin to fade away.
Ha, just like me.
Watching the emerald grass sway and bellow as the wind stretches its arm across this hill of rolling green;this forgotten hill, forgotten and left to only those who find its’ beauty as magnificent as I. My breathing begins to become harder.
voices in the distant calling out my name wanting to find me in time to whisk me away back from whence I came: but what if I chose to stay?
Stay under this peach tree waiting for the sand to reach the bottom of the hourglass, wanting to see the sun set for one last time.
They knew I’d be here,
they found me here before,
only to take me away back into the world of lights, and sirens, to machines that beep and whizz, where needles portrude out of my arms and draw blood from my veins,
to the place where I know I can live,
to take me back to the place where life escaped but began to relive;
I became alive again, I came back from death.
But not this time, no! I want this… I need this, so let me find that evanescent light. So it begins.
I clench my fists, balling them and gripping the earth and tearing it in my hands; grabbing the sacred grounds of this holy place. My knuckles turn white and I feel it, yes, I can feel the tingling grasp my arms and legs taking control of a body unfit to be in use. My bones ache and my blood is what seems to be on fire, boiling inside of me, my body wanting to break. The pain is a poison leeching through my body, causing me to yell and scream, writhe and cry for now I know I am ready, now I know this is my end. So I look out with tear glossed eyes into the horizon and see for the time provided the orange rays, gorgeous and marvelous, for this one last glimpse at the beauty before me is going to end.
I convulsed and I jerked, my body tempting my mind to shut down, and my heart grew weak, feeling as if it were concaving and imploding onto itself, closing up the chambers that provide my system to function and to live.
As if I were submerged underneath the blissful blue,
the light dances across my eyes and my breaths yearn for the air that I never knew,
my body felt weightless, floating down into darkness… escaping what was once a life of my own.
Escalating downward and falling asleep, I knew it was time.
Time for me to say goodbye,
time for me to leave my beloved life behind,
no more to suffer this wretched form
but now an eternal spirit forevermore.
Her eyes were the last I saw, her big brown eyes,
the eyes of a caring mother, one who sacrificed her life and devotion too,
one who prayed at alters and at priests,
even on my bedsides so that I could be at peace.
Her eyes were sad, sad for now I am gone,
nothing more than a body and a departed soul,
silly it is for me to say this but I must.
But in her eyes she smiles, smiles because she knows that I am at peace,
that I am finally free.
But she knew she was now, alone.
"My son! Don't leave me, no!" she manages through her gasps of air. "No! No, oh god please no! You can't leave me please, just don't leave me..." she shakes my body and hugs me tightly, allowing my ears to hear one last time her rhythmic heartbeat. "...please stay." her voice strangles and quivers with fear and distress. As time does not stop here I hear her voice fade, colapsing away into the unconscious and the forgotten.
My body gathers those last memorable touches from her soft tears glistening in the setting sun's light, falling with ease down onto my icy skin; goodbye mother, I will watch over you.
So I leave that place, that world of wonder and majesty,
leave it to be forever in the arms of the ocean, carried by the beauty of God’s angels,
finding my ship on the sea that crashes to heaven,
no longer the same old sinner the one the world had released.
No longer am I around to see their pain,
to hear their cries,
to see their prayers fly away hoping to find their way into the portal of heavens gates.
Now I am home, an eternal entity floating in the creation of the in-between.
No more cancer to take my retched life from me, no more waiting for their paddles to slam onto my chest and wake me from my slumber from that ghastly yell of "clear!", no more… wanting for someone to save myself from my own horror.
My world I lived in, one of elegance and grace,
a world where I was the king and heaven was no more than a place. My kingdom I ruled with power and strength,
only to find a demon inside gnawing at my hearts pace.
The pillars they fell, into the sea, a sea of sadness and lost-dreams.
And in a boat I created, a fine boat indeed,
I sailed to a world, a world of intent and greed.
This world found me and took me in,
wanting to save me and rekindle the light lost within.
To chase out that demon, oh yes the one who broke my house and took what it is he may need.
But he grew stronger yes, in wisdom and in grief,
no longer wanting to take this life from me.
So he died, died inside of me,
forgetting that he was the only reason I was still me.
I leave my kingdom with a tear and a nod.
I leave a place where fear was nothing but a drop.
A drop that made a ripple in my life’s pond.
So I give up and let the water consume me.
Taking every last breath and fire within me.
I leave that place when time would not stop
The place when death was not just a song.
No longer there to rule my sky or to say hello to the stars at night.
Falling from the place I was my own love.
I leave the place, the place Where I was once a God.