I feel like I keep pulling threads out and that things are u n r a v e l i n g. And I don't like this at all.
The chapter with the birthday party drags on too long...
Spoiler! :
I tried splitting it up into two chapters because I was deluded and hoped that might make it better, but it really needs to be condensed into one chapter and just... whittled down into something stronger. But like. Also, I am a brat and I'm like, "BUT EVERYTHING IS IMPORTANT!!!" Though um... it really isn't. So I need to get over myself and just... rewrite it probably. Make it better.
The problem is, the family situation of Solea is... really strange. I tried to make the birthday party where it's introduced. Clearly, this is not going to work. I need to focus that chapter on what is important.
What is important? Um... good question.
- Uclepidies and his gift is important.
- The relationship between Solea and Alainna.
- The introduction of Archondid is important.
- Sergius's absence is important.
- The Conqueror's parents' absence is important.
Honestly, I'm tempted to rewrite it like...
- Solea comes in with the paper written for Alainna, feeling guilty about yelling at Alainna in the previous chapter.
- Alainna comes to Solea, dismisses Solea's attempt at apologizing as meaningless, grabs the paper, and directs her to distract Theron and her Black Swan uncles who are coming in, since Alainna would rather talk with the White Swans.
- Solea asks Alainna if all the White Swans are coming, worrying about Sergius's appearance, and Alainna is like, lol I don't care, which makes Solea even more nervous.
- The uncles are rude to Solea, but they reveal to her that Sergius is not coming, nor are the Conquerors' parents, which relieves Solea.
- When they show off the presents that they brought, Alainna comes over and they offer to give her their gifts.
- Alainna opens presents and things proceed as they did in the chapter.
So like... this would be reframed entirely with Alainna and Solea's relationship being the focus of it. It would also highlight the absences at the party a little more, which is important because Sergius is a super important character for this story.
The problem is, the family situation of Solea is... really strange. I tried to make the birthday party where it's introduced. Clearly, this is not going to work. I need to focus that chapter on what is important.
What is important? Um... good question.
- Uclepidies and his gift is important.
- The relationship between Solea and Alainna.
- The introduction of Archondid is important.
- Sergius's absence is important.
- The Conqueror's parents' absence is important.
Honestly, I'm tempted to rewrite it like...
- Solea comes in with the paper written for Alainna, feeling guilty about yelling at Alainna in the previous chapter.
- Alainna comes to Solea, dismisses Solea's attempt at apologizing as meaningless, grabs the paper, and directs her to distract Theron and her Black Swan uncles who are coming in, since Alainna would rather talk with the White Swans.
- Solea asks Alainna if all the White Swans are coming, worrying about Sergius's appearance, and Alainna is like, lol I don't care, which makes Solea even more nervous.
- The uncles are rude to Solea, but they reveal to her that Sergius is not coming, nor are the Conquerors' parents, which relieves Solea.
- When they show off the presents that they brought, Alainna comes over and they offer to give her their gifts.
- Alainna opens presents and things proceed as they did in the chapter.
So like... this would be reframed entirely with Alainna and Solea's relationship being the focus of it. It would also highlight the absences at the party a little more, which is important because Sergius is a super important character for this story.
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