Young Writers Society

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Well, that’s all I have for now. So, what are you waiting for? Enjoy!

1. ADVENTURES IN WRITING
2. KANOME’S RANT OF MEDIA
3. NEW ARRIVALS
4. THIS WEEK’S ROUNDUP - 5/10
5. SHAMELESS PLUGS
6. SUBSCRIBERS

ADVENTURES IN WRITINGwritten by BlueAfrica < PM: >

As you may or may not be aware, writing in language arts classes these days often teach kids to switch out “said” for other, more vivid verbs, so that stories don’t read like this:

“Hi,” she said. “How are you?”
“Good,” he said. “What about you?”
“Just dandy,” she said.
“That’s good,” he said.

Boring dialogue aside, this gets dull because of the repetition of “said.” The problem is that, rather than teaching students that dialogue tags can sometimes be replaced by actions or done away with completely, teachers tend to focus on replacing “said” with other verbs that indicate speech. So a decent example of “said is dead” might look like this:

“Hi,” she said. “How are you?”
He dropped into the chair beside her. “Good. What about you?”
“Just dandy.” She heaved a sigh that contradicted her words.
“That’s good,” he said uncertainly.

Instead, students are writing things like this:

“Hi,” she stated. “How are you?”
“Good,” he replied. “What about you?”
“Just dandy,” she reported.
“That’s good,” he remarked.

Look. I get it. Really, I do. Writing like that first example wears down the reader because it’s too repetitive. A gentler version of waves beating against a stone, where the stone has the option of closing the book because the writing is tedious.

(Ignore the fact that stones don’t have hands. Or eyes. Or. Well. You know. They’re stones.)

But come on. I don’t know about you guys, but words like “stated,” “reported,” and “remarked” get on my nerves when used as dialogue tags. Maybe not once in a while--I can certainly forgive “remarked” and even “observed” if a character is underreacting or reacting humorously to another character. But when these words have obviously been chosen for no other reason than to get rid of “said”...

Here’s the thing about “said.” Yes, it is a commonly used word, but that’s the beauty of it. Like “the,” “said” is a word that readers tend to skim over. They don’t notice it--unless, of course, it’s used to denote every line of dialogue, as in my first example. Then, the abundance of “saids” draws attention to a word that would otherwise filter right through your readers’ consciousness. Barring that, however, “said” is a word that allows you to tell readers who is speaking without distracting from the dialogue.

And that is the problem with these other words: they’re too noticeable. They provide a tag, yes, but at the expense of the dialogue as readers trip up on your replacements.

Then, of course, there’s always the danger of the youngest writers going overboard with the words they choose over “said.” My favorite is still the example I gave from a sample essay several weeks ago:

“We’ll be there in five minutes,” lamented the bus driver.

“Lamented” technically works in place of “said,” but in the context of this essay it made no sense. There was no reason for the bus driver to be lamenting the fact that the basketball team would arrive at their destination in five minutes. (If anything, she was probably glad about it.) But teaching blossoming writers that “said” should be avoided in favor of “stronger” replacements (debatable in the case of “stated,” if you ask me) doesn’t make their writing any better. Replacing an overabundance of “saids” with other words does nothing but replace tedium with distraction and discordance.

Instead, if you find a writer using “said” too frequently, try suggesting these.

Replace dialogue tags with actions. This is probably the best thing to do if you find writing that is overrun with “said.” Generally, if it starts to feel that there’s too much “said” in a scene, it’s not the word itself that is the problem but rather the amount of tagging. Not every line of dialogue needs to be tagged! There should be enough tags to keep readers aware of who is speaking, but not so many that “he said,” “she said” comes after every line.

Replacing some of these tags with what characters are doing not only cuts your number of dialogue tags but adds interest to the scene and strengthens your writing. Consider this: instead of saying “he said sadly,” which, p.s., is technically a form of telling, you could describe how puffy his eyes are, how red his nose is, or the way a muscle twitches in his face as he tries not to cry (showing!) Because this suggestion can help replace telling with showing, you should also consider it if the writing has a lot of dialogue but lacks imagery and detail.

Do away with some tags. As previously stated, not every line of dialogue needs to be tagged. This is especially true if only two characters are speaking in a scene. Once you’ve established who is speaking first, readers can follow along with infrequent reminders. Depending on how long the characters’ exchange is, we might not need any reminders at all. Like so:

“Hi,” she said. “How are you?”
“Good,” he replied. “What about you?”
“Just dandy.”
“That’s good.”

Dull subject matter aside, I’m betting you didn’t forget who was talking just because I didn’t use “he said” and “she said” in those last two lines. This can be trickier if more than two characters are part of the conversation, but replacing some of your tags with action à la my last suggestion can allow you to use this method in areas where readers are unlikely to be confused about who is speaking.

(Sufficient differences in character speech patterns can help prevent confusion, as well, but more on that in a future article.)

Break up dialogue with thought or action. I know, I know: Wait, Blue. Isn’t this exactly the same as that first suggestion?

NOPE.

It is related, but not the same. The first suggestion results in an exchange like this:

“Hi,” she said. “How are you?”
He dropped into the chair beside her. “Good. What about you?”
“Just dandy.” She heaved a sigh that contradicted her words.
“That’s good,” he said uncertainly.

Rather than breaking up the dialogue with nonspeech, the first method simply replaces dialogue tags with small bits of character action. This suggestion, however, results in something more like this:

“Hi,” she said. “How are you?”
He dropped into the chair beside her. “Good. What about you?”
It took so long for her to answer that, at first, he wasn’t sure she’d heard him. She twisted the ring on her left ring finger around and around, watching the play of light on the gold band. He started to feel as if she’d forgotten about him.
“Just dandy,” she said finally, but the sigh that followed belied her words.
He shifted in his seat. The leather upholstery squeaked.
“That’s good,” he said.

Notice that almost every “said” from my original example is in place (three out of four), yet the writing doesn’t seem repetitive like it did when I had pure dialogue without any action or thought. Not only that, but dialogue that formerly seemed like polite nothings--something you’re generally cautioned to cut from your characters’ speech--has gained new intrigue. What the characters are saying is at odds with the awkwardness of the squeaky chair leather, the woman’s sigh, and her apparent fascination with her wedding ring. Are these characters married? Friends? Relatives? Paramours? Are they having an affair or getting a divorce? Or does the woman’s fascination with her ring signify nothing except her current distraction with--whatever she’s distracted about?

Breaking up long (or short) strings of dialogue with character thought and action can rid writing of repetitiveness, add interest, and flesh out the characters and plot. Ready? Here comes Bill Nye.



In real life, people rarely fire off long strings of clever speech without pause or interruption. Conversation is messy, sticky, meandering, broken, marked by half-thoughts, abrupt subject changes, and things left unsaid. Breaking up dialogue with character thought and action can give the illusion that your dialogue mirrors real speech, when, in reality, you rarely want to write dialogue exactly as real speech because all the interruptions and unfinished sentences frustrate readers.

Of course, the real trick here is combining all the suggestions. A nice mix of dialogue tags, character actions, untagged lines of dialogue, conversations broken up by action or character thoughts, and replacements for “said” (used sparingly) will strengthen your dialogue and the rest of your writing, replace telling with showing, and give readers a better feel for your characters and plot. Try it out!

KANOME’S RANT OF MEDIA
Written by Kanome < PM: >


Hello, Kanome here with a new review for you! I have been playing this survival game for over a week now, and from what I’ve seen, it’s fantastic! This game has been out for such a small amount of time and yet, it became popular since its release. I personally think this is one of the best games I ever played in my lifetime. This game is a survival, apocalypse game that you can create things, play online with other survivors, and enjoy a good storyline. I am talking about Dying Light.

Dying light is a zombie-apocalypse game that also has side conflicts into it. This game has peaked my interest since I first start playing it. I love how the game was made, and how the gameplay is. The gameplay is first person survival, meaning using the skills to survive plus learning how to craft things in order to survive, such as medkits, lockpicks, etc.



This game shows one main conflict: finding a cure for the virus that causes people to turn into zombies, and side conflicts: the main character with an organization who is on a mission, and two groups of survivors in war.

The graphics also look simply amazing. Look at this zombie:


If you have anything you want me to review, simply PM me.

Until next time, Squillians!

Kanome

NEW ARRIVALS
written by BlueAfrica < PM: >

Take a moment to welcome this week’s newest members to the site!

@Laelle has earned their first review star. Head over to their wall to congratulate them !

@BC24 has posted the first chapter of a romantic novel called “Flawed Nature.” Read the first chapter and leave a review !

@Jaein posted about herself in the Welcome Mat. Click here to read her post and welcome her to the site !

THIS WEEK'S ROUNDUP – 5/10written by megsug < PM: >

Extra! Extra! Four links, one roundup, great deal! Read about making characters, reviewing poetry, and plans for summer! Extra! Extra!


@OliveDreams has created a game where a user creates a character based purely off the name. After posting the description, the user leaves a new name for the next user. One of my favorite descriptions so far is @Dutiful’s of a Blair Bluebell:







The next name is Danni Worthington. Descriptions should be under five sentences. Get your characterization juices going now!


@Bloodsrain is interested in horror. Specifically, users’ favorite horror. He loves Lovecraft but is also familiar with creepypasta, telling us about one:







He wants to know what your favorite horror is.


@Big Brother wants to know what everyone is doing with their summers. Answers range from more school to exciting trips. @ForgottenMemories might have a really great experience lined up:







I certainly wish her luck! What are your plans this summer?


@Nate is interested in exactly what to keep an eye out for when reviewing poetry. Several people have answered with indepth explanations like @Dreamwalker’s:






The quote barely does her justice. Check out the thread to understand more fully what Dreamwalker is talking about as well as read the strategies of other users. This is a great resource for anyone who doesn’t know what to do when faced with a poem.

SHAMELESS PLUGS

written by SquillsBot < PM: >

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SUBSCRIBERS

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