Make Up The Worst Possible Opening Line Ever

Nate · 2004-12-18T01:09:42Z

Here's a new activity... come up with the worst line you can think of to open up a story/novel. To get you started, here are some examples from Edward Bulyar Lytton award, which gives a prize to the author of the worst opening for a novel each year: * "As a scientist, Throckmorton knew that if he were ever to break wind in the sound chamber he would never hear the end of it." * "Just beyond the Narrows the river widens." * "With a curvaceous figure that Venus would have envied, a tanned unblemished oval face framed with lustrous thick brown hair, deep azure-blue eyes fringed with long black lashes, perfect teeth that vied for competition, and a small straight nose, Marilee had a beauty that defied description." * "Andre, a simple peasant, had only one thing on his mind as he crept along the east wall: "Andre creep... Andre creep... Andre creep." * "Stanislaus Smedley, a man always on the cutting edge of narcissism, was about to give his body and soul to a back-alley sex-change surgeon -- to become the woman he loved." * "Stanley looked quite bored and somewhat detached, but then penguins often do." * "Like an overripe beefsteak tomato rimmed with cottage cheese, the corpulent remains of Santa Claus lay dead on the hotel floor." * "Mike Hardware was the kind of private eye who didn't know the meaning of the word "fear," a man who could laugh in the face of danger and spit in the eye of death-- in short, a moron with suicidal tendencies. * "The sun oozed over the horizon, shoved aside darkness, crept along the greensward, and, with sickly fingers, pushed through the castle window, revealing the pillaged princess, hand at throat, crown asunder, gaping in frenzied horror at the sated, sodden amphibian lying beside her, disbelieving the magnitude of the toad's deception, screaming madly, "You lied!"

Cithara

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Tue Jun 24, 2014 11:43 pm

Cithara says... · Tue Jun 24, 2014 11:43 pm

This is the story of how I died.

Pax in Christo

"My heart is racing even as I write,
but I plan to go on as bravely as a heroine in a
novel."~The Hired Girl

I used to be Thewriter13

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Holysocks

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Wed Jun 25, 2014 4:01 am

Holysocks says... · Wed Jun 25, 2014 4:01 am

That's why they didn't eat cake anymore.

100% autistic

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Kanome

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Wed Jun 25, 2014 5:39 am

Kanome says... · Wed Jun 25, 2014 5:39 am

And that's how the monster became a lemon.

(?) I don't know...

PROTECTOR OF LIGHT

WRFF

Knight of the Green Room

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Dracula

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Fri Sep 26, 2014 4:42 am

Dracula says... · Fri Sep 26, 2014 4:42 am

Worst opening line ever:

You are reading a book.

I bought a cactus. A week later it died. I got depressed because I thought Damn, I am less nurturing than a desert.
-Demetri Martin

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Dracula

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Fri Sep 26, 2014 4:43 am

Dracula says... · Fri Sep 26, 2014 4:43 am

Thewriter13 wrote:This is the story of how I died.

OH MY GODS ROOOOOOSE

I bought a cactus. A week later it died. I got depressed because I thought Damn, I am less nurturing than a desert.
-Demetri Martin

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r4p17

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Points 15489

Reviews 179

Fri Sep 26, 2014 3:50 pm

r4p17 says... · Fri Sep 26, 2014 3:50 pm

Once upon a time there was a dot.

One writer with one imagination makes thousands of new worlds and stories." ~ Anonymous author

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MarbleToast

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Fri Sep 26, 2014 6:26 pm

MarbleToast says... · Fri Sep 26, 2014 6:26 pm

This is not a good book.

Dreams sprout tall so beautiful
to wither and fall off
Old and dusty, creaky and rough
This clockwork will not rest

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IamTraunt

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Points 25917

Reviews 254

Fri Sep 26, 2014 6:38 pm

IamTraunt says... · Fri Sep 26, 2014 6:38 pm

My name is Jane.

Before you judge me...
Make sure you're perfect.

"Good friends, good books, and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.”
― Mark Twain

My Pre-Writing Journal

Adopt a Storybook

My Storybook

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r4p17

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Reviews 179

Fri Sep 26, 2014 7:02 pm

r4p17 says... · Fri Sep 26, 2014 7:02 pm

*retry* omnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnom!

One writer with one imagination makes thousands of new worlds and stories." ~ Anonymous author

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winterstar

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Fri Sep 26, 2014 7:09 pm

winterstar says... · Fri Sep 26, 2014 7:09 pm

The guy sitting next to me smells like he hasn't bathed in a decade.

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r4p17

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Points 15489

Reviews 179

Fri Sep 26, 2014 7:51 pm

r4p17 says... · Fri Sep 26, 2014 7:51 pm

I'm not sure if anyone has said this or not. But I will try to make it really lengthy.

As I forgot to say so in the last book of The Series That Doesn't Exist, I will say it now because it seems that I might as well, rather than making a second addition to The Novel That Isn't There in Reality, so here it is: The End!

One writer with one imagination makes thousands of new worlds and stories." ~ Anonymous author

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IamTraunt

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Fri Sep 26, 2014 7:55 pm

IamTraunt says... · Fri Sep 26, 2014 7:55 pm

I am a teenaged girl with a terrible crush on my best friend's boyfriend.

Before you judge me...
Make sure you're perfect.

"Good friends, good books, and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.”
― Mark Twain

My Pre-Writing Journal