Make Up The Worst Possible Opening Line Ever

Worst opening EVER:

"Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name) with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!)."

For those of you who are unfamiliar with this, this is the start of the horrendous Harry Potter fanfic "My Immortal."

I love that story. I always lul at it!

the end.

Lizy became a banana thief, when the sky was bright blue on Sunday.

"It was the best of days, it was the worst of days." - quote from some old dead white guy.

Holysocks, I actually really like yours.

Now, to twist a famous (and generally well-regarded) opening line:

"As the block of ice melted in the South American sun, it neither knew nor cared that in some distant future, a colonel would remember touching it as he faced a firing squad."

Thanks!...

Eef i hav dun mah homwak i em smat so congatsuashon tu mee.

"Dirty deeds and they're done dirt cheap."
~ AC/DC Dirty Deeds.

And

"Welcome to Las Vegas! Now go home."

"I have natural talent for throwing my voice."

"MY NAME IS METALLICA NOT BOB!"

"Done Dirt Cheap!"
~Ac/DC Dirty Deeds

"I was hot, then I was not."
~Ac/DC

"And they lived happily ever after, the end."

John, after getting fired from his dream work as a technical producer at the Falsetto Rhetorical Singing Company and having lost 2000 dollars at the casino last night, watched TV.

And they lived happily ever after...

I woke up in the morning to the sun shining through my window. Ugh! So annoying. I hate school. I got out of bed and picked out my outfit, which was [describes outfit in entirety], then I went to take a shower, and then I got out and got dressed and put on makeup. I used [describes makeup]. Then I went downstairs and ate breakfast.

I woke up with constipation, a hankering for canned tuna, and a good Rebbeca Black song in my head

I woke up with constipation, a hankering for canned tuna, and a good Rebbeca Black song in my head

I want to start a short story like that.

If you would have told me a month ago that today I would be getting married to Mr. Popular Skylar Rayne, I would have laughed in your face, and if you'd continued to say that he was the Prince of Demons, I would have referred you to my therapist.

(I cringed writing that.)