Make Up The Worst Possible Opening Line Ever

Nate · 2004-12-18T01:09:42Z

Here's a new activity... come up with the worst line you can think of to open up a story/novel. To get you started, here are some examples from Edward Bulyar Lytton award, which gives a prize to the author of the worst opening for a novel each year: * "As a scientist, Throckmorton knew that if he were ever to break wind in the sound chamber he would never hear the end of it." * "Just beyond the Narrows the river widens." * "With a curvaceous figure that Venus would have envied, a tanned unblemished oval face framed with lustrous thick brown hair, deep azure-blue eyes fringed with long black lashes, perfect teeth that vied for competition, and a small straight nose, Marilee had a beauty that defied description." * "Andre, a simple peasant, had only one thing on his mind as he crept along the east wall: "Andre creep... Andre creep... Andre creep." * "Stanislaus Smedley, a man always on the cutting edge of narcissism, was about to give his body and soul to a back-alley sex-change surgeon -- to become the woman he loved." * "Stanley looked quite bored and somewhat detached, but then penguins often do." * "Like an overripe beefsteak tomato rimmed with cottage cheese, the corpulent remains of Santa Claus lay dead on the hotel floor." * "Mike Hardware was the kind of private eye who didn't know the meaning of the word "fear," a man who could laugh in the face of danger and spit in the eye of death-- in short, a moron with suicidal tendencies. * "The sun oozed over the horizon, shoved aside darkness, crept along the greensward, and, with sickly fingers, pushed through the castle window, revealing the pillaged princess, hand at throat, crown asunder, gaping in frenzied horror at the sated, sodden amphibian lying beside her, disbelieving the magnitude of the toad's deception, screaming madly, "You lied!"

bubblewrapped

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Fri Nov 25, 2005 4:31 am

bubblewrapped says... · Fri Nov 25, 2005 4:31 am

This is based on one I just read on Fiction Press (the third line is verbatim) -

The kingdom of Fishpond was a beautiful place. With tall towers reaching towards the sun like crooked teeth. Commoners littered the streets, heading to another day at work. Ancient cars vomited smoke over the roads; choking and yelling in the grey dawn.

Far be it for me to make fun of fellow writers, but it was pretty hilarious. Particularly the poor commoners, littering the streets. :lol:

Got a poem or short story you want me to critique?

There is only one success: to be able to spend your life in your own way, and not to give others absurd maddening claims upon it. (C D Morley)

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Tara

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Wed Nov 30, 2005 11:42 pm

Tara says... · Wed Nov 30, 2005 11:42 pm

The End

"You can go a long way with a smile. You can go a lot farther with a smile and a gun." -Al Capone

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Duskglimmer

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Thu Dec 01, 2005 8:25 pm

Duskglimmer says... · Thu Dec 01, 2005 8:25 pm

*laughs* that's great!

The robbed that smiles, steals something from the thief. ~William Shakespeare, Othello
Boo. SPEW is watching.

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Boni_Bee

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Fri Jan 06, 2006 4:44 am

Boni_Bee says... · Fri Jan 06, 2006 4:44 am

It wasn't me

In the end...

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Crayon

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Fri Jan 06, 2006 5:10 am

Crayon says... · Fri Jan 06, 2006 5:10 am

This is the best thing you will ever read, ever!.....

.....so very sad

Trying to survive "sweet sixteen."
---
<love> is sweet -suicide- and {[you]} are my LATEST a.t.t.e.m.p.t

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Snoink

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Fri Jan 06, 2006 5:20 am

Snoink says... · Fri Jan 06, 2006 5:20 am

bubblewrapped wrote:This is based on one I just read on Fiction Press (the third line is verbatim) -

The kingdom of Fishpond was a beautiful place. With tall towers reaching towards the sun like crooked teeth. Commoners littered the streets, heading to another day at work. Ancient cars vomited smoke over the roads; choking and yelling in the grey dawn.

Far be it for me to make fun of fellow writers, but it was pretty hilarious. Particularly the poor commoners, littering the streets.

Can you imagine the roads choking and yelling in the grey dawn while the cars vomit all over them? XD

Um... yeah.

Story opening:

Um... yeah. I have no idea what I'm writing about.

Ubi caritas est vera, Deus ibi est.

"The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls the butterfly." ~ Richard Bach

Moth and Myth <- My comic!

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Duskglimmer

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Fri Jan 06, 2006 7:25 pm

Duskglimmer says... · Fri Jan 06, 2006 7:25 pm

Opening line:

A lot of people think that I'm just a frog, that I hop around all day and don't do anything at all. They're right.

The robbed that smiles, steals something from the thief. ~William Shakespeare, Othello
Boo. SPEW is watching.

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Ohio Impromptu

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Tue Jan 10, 2006 12:59 pm

Ohio Impromptu says... · Tue Jan 10, 2006 12:59 pm

Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke.

Rowing makes me very tired.

Gone, gone from New York City,
where you gonna go with a head that empty?
Gone, gone from New York City,
where you gonna go with a heart that gone?

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backgroundbob

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Tue Jan 10, 2006 3:11 pm

backgroundbob says... · Tue Jan 10, 2006 3:11 pm

plz plz plz crit m3 i n33d 2 lurn 2 rite gud.

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Eyes

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Fri Jan 13, 2006 11:11 pm

Eyes says... · Fri Jan 13, 2006 11:11 pm

He he he ........

" Where did I leave my underware," she cried , clearly distressed, " I was only wearing them yeasterday".

:roll:

Yea I know........

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Poor Imp

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Sun Mar 05, 2006 3:18 am

Poor Imp says... · Sun Mar 05, 2006 3:18 am

"Oh for the luva gawd!" shrieked the pouting woman petulantly, enormous eyes blinking widely and angrily. "I thought you always knew bettah, Julian. But you're a ----ing jerk, y'know? I thought you had a heart!" And wailing with the highest possible treble shrill, hopelessly undone, she collapsed in his lap and sobbed.

Er...this would be my experience with some people and adverbs. It seemed awful to me. :shock:

ex umbris et imaginibus in veritatem

"There is adventure in simply being among those we love, and among the things we love -- and beauty, too."

-Lloyd Alexander

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Sponson Light

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Sun Mar 05, 2006 3:23 am

Sponson Light says... · Sun Mar 05, 2006 3:23 am

Copyright Infringment

You shouldn't judge a book by it's cover, instead, you should read every single book to see what every book is about before you even come close to judging its viability.

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Elizabeth

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Sun Mar 05, 2006 3:34 am

Elizabeth says... · Sun Mar 05, 2006 3:34 am

There once... was a man.... he was doing his dishes... and while he was doing his dishes... he opened.... the dishwasher.... and whaddaya know! - a dragon popped out! *etc etc*

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bubblewrapped

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Sun Mar 05, 2006 4:01 am

bubblewrapped says... · Sun Mar 05, 2006 4:01 am

Yeah, so...the other day, right, I was walking down the road, you know? Going to the dairy. And, like, this GUY, he, well, you know, appeared out of nowhere. Like, just like that.

Got a poem or short story you want me to critique?

There is only one success: to be able to spend your life in your own way, and not to give others absurd maddening claims upon it. (C D Morley)

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thegirlwhofateloves

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Sun Mar 05, 2006 9:39 pm

thegirlwhofateloves says... · Sun Mar 05, 2006 9:39 pm

But in general deep fat fryers cause essex fish to lose weight and go on coke induced shopping sprees which cause their rodent husbands to combust with nausea of paper.

www.myspace.com/prettytorture
felicitypepper@hotmail.co.uk

Big up the YWS Massive!

....And I still don't know what SPEW is....

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