the disease of overthinking.

EllieMae · 2024-03-03T20:24:21Z

https://i.ibb.co/J2HN868/F9-CDDF21-1-CB2-45-EE-849-D-39-A907004-E16.png https://i.ibb.co/rGGx9cP/181-F6-F58-43-DB-4445-BC76-BA3003-E532-B0.png https://i.ibb.co/z4tpHhv/6952-C20-F-1-E1-B-47-F1-80-B4-40-CBCC0-C2-B2-B.png Write at least two to three poems per day and complete all thirty days. Read and comment on others' poetry at least twice per day. Finish writing the draft of my poetry novel, Monkeys, Bears, and Tears . Host poetry jams and join others frequently. https://i.ibb.co/JmgwNBD/A0-B8-AE19-5500-4600-834-A-22-DB4466-D6-EB.png April 1: Seen and unforeseen April 2: Why i need to suffer. April 3: Even sharpies bleed. April 4: Too many words that i never got to say. April 5: overthinking tears and why they make me grateful April 6: Overthinking how fish wish on sea stars and how you might be sick like me. April 7: Overthinking how I have a broken heart but I have also been a heartbreaker. April 8: Overthinking every time I kissed you and how the stars were a map telling me to leave. April 9: overthinking the words everything and nothing and how overthinking is my everything and nothing. April 10: overthinking what I want to say to the little boy who lives on the moon. April 11: overthinking roads and how cars are going places and the houses that are little shimmers to me. overthinking mermaids and glow in the dark stars and how i have lost my magic powers April 12: When life gives you lemonade April 13: Promises with my past self. https://i.ibb.co/tMPGszR/94-BC306-B-AF72-4296-9-EEE-7-F4-E2-ACC47-E9.png Spotify playlist: View the playlist here Pinterest board: View the board here Rickroll: Click here https://i.ibb.co/r6ZBBhK/F6-BF5-CA8-8345-48-DD-8-C2-B-44-CD27212575.png

EllieMae

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Fri Apr 19, 2024 9:14 pm

EllieMae says... · Fri Apr 19, 2024 9:14 pm

April 19:

Poem was inspired by @alliyah who introduced me to this format!

Who's to say that my light is better than your darkness? Who's to say death is better than your darkness? Who am I to say?

I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.

Was AilahEvelynMae
and is now EllieMae :)

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EllieMae

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Sun Apr 21, 2024 2:58 am

EllieMae says... · Sun Apr 21, 2024 2:58 am

18 is slipping away from me.

In three hours, she will be gone.
Sometimes I worry that she is dying,
But maybe she is finally getting her chance to live.
Really live.

I like to imagine that the girl I am right now
will soon be with her friends,
17 and 15 and 13 and 8 and 4.

Free at last, from every chain the future has
shackled her in and every
worry she cannot control.

Free from pain, finally.
Free from loneliness.
Free from stress.
Free from the past.
Free from whatever the next year holds.
Because sometimes, forgetting
avoiding, hiding, and leaving
is easier.

So I like to think, 18 isn't dying,
she is being born into freedom.

She can finally go back to being the girl she was, a year ago.
She can return to her relationship with God
and forgiveness
and hope
and health
and everything I gave away,
to become 19.

I love you, 18.
I am so sorry for every way I have hurt you.
I hope you can forgive me.
I'll love you and remember you,
Always and forever.

(ps: Tell 17 I miss her.)

Who's to say that my light is better than your darkness? Who's to say death is better than your darkness? Who am I to say?

I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.

Was AilahEvelynMae
and is now EllieMae :)

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momonster

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Fri Apr 26, 2024 5:48 pm

momonster says... · Fri Apr 26, 2024 5:48 pm

Spoiler

hey ellie! i love all your poetry so far; you have such a beautiful way of writing and expressing emotions. i especially love 18 is slipping away from me. getting older and leaving past versions of yourself behind is something i think about a lot, and you capture the sentimental and bittersweet feeling very well. amazing job so far, good luck with the last few days of napo! <3

previously MomoandAppa, LordMomo, MomoMajesty, and dancingontheclouds

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herb

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Sun Apr 28, 2024 9:52 pm

herb says... · Sun Apr 28, 2024 9:52 pm

Spoiler

hey ellie!! ahh, 19 is so beautiful!! and the contradictions "who will never always love you"!! i always love your poetry and this napo is no exception!

[soon, i will submit myself to the stars]

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OrabellaAvenue

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Mon Apr 29, 2024 12:49 am

OrabellaAvenue says... · Mon Apr 29, 2024 12:49 am

Spoiler

ELLIE OOSDJODSFJLSDFJD YOUR POETRY IS SO BEAUTIFUL WHAT IN THE WORLD AHHHHHH
Okay sorry for the all-caps, but I actually can't express how much I love your poetry.

and maybe my poetry sucks but at least when i write
i am not alone like every other moment of my life.

<3333 Your poetry does not suck! You are actually my favorite poet ~~on YWS~~ ever. This poem was beautiful and the way you write emotions is actually breath-taking.

The one on April 12th about lemons was one of my favorites
Edit: Another favorite is 18 is slipping away from me. but honestly so many others I have absolutly loved these are only a few that I wanted to mention!

You are trying to rescue the little girl you never saved.
You are trying to show me that you are changed.
You are trying to make me forget, or move on,
Or understand, that the monster in my closet is finally dead.

To this day you are one of the only poets ever that has made me cry, and are the only one that has been able to do it multiple times. Thank you so much for sharing everything here, you are so talented and so kind and you are actually amazing. <3333

If you ever want to talk, please feel free to PM me for any reason! ^^
Don't write because you're a writer; write because you have something to say.
Orabella ~ Ora ~ Avenue ~ Aven
She/her

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WeepingWisteria

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Tue Apr 30, 2024 7:17 pm

WeepingWisteria says... · Tue Apr 30, 2024 7:17 pm

Spoiler

Ahhh, Ellie >.> Your poem 18 is slipping away from me is so good!! It's deeply relatable as someone who just turned 19 and has always hated getting older >.> I hope you find nineteen to suit you well <33 Amazing job with NaPo this month!!

They/he

"wist how dare you play with my heartstrings like that" ~ winter
"wist is in every rp" ~ley
“ah yes, fear Wist's smile

<- speaks of layers and layers of secrets” ~mint
Pfp is made by Crowesn

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EllieMae

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Wed May 01, 2024 1:11 am

EllieMae says... · Wed May 01, 2024 1:11 am

Oops totally fell behind on updating my poems here xD Thank you everyone for your incredibly kind comments!!

Who's to say that my light is better than your darkness? Who's to say death is better than your darkness? Who am I to say?

I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.

Was AilahEvelynMae
and is now EllieMae :)

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EllieMae

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Wed May 01, 2024 2:03 am

EllieMae says... · Wed May 01, 2024 2:03 am

April 21

Yearly birthday poem:

I love the fact that every year,
For the rest of my life,
My birthday will be on the 21st day of NaPo.
And every year, I can remember who I was,
Every battle i fought to win,
Every beast i did not slay,
Every chicken i befriended,
And every capybara i swam with.

Who's to say that my light is better than your darkness? Who's to say death is better than your darkness? Who am I to say?

I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.

Was AilahEvelynMae
and is now EllieMae :)

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EllieMae

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Wed May 01, 2024 2:04 am

EllieMae says... · Wed May 01, 2024 2:04 am

April 22:

To capybara,
Or not to capybara?
That is the question.

Spoiler

This one is very short xD

Who's to say that my light is better than your darkness? Who's to say death is better than your darkness? Who am I to say?

I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.

Was AilahEvelynMae
and is now EllieMae :)

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EllieMae

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Points 68556

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Wed May 01, 2024 2:04 am

EllieMae says... · Wed May 01, 2024 2:04 am

April 23:

On a spectrum of distortion to reality

Everything feels like a spectrum of
Distortion to reality.
I thought that God was freedom,
The ultimate lens of reality,
The all encompassing, embracing hug
Of knowledge.
But now, the unapologetically sinful
Life I live,
Feels like freedom,
for the first time in my entire existence.
My pendulum swings between
Polar opposites, that cannot coincide.
I am stuck on the spectrum
Of distortion and reality.

Who's to say that my light is better than your darkness? Who's to say death is better than your darkness? Who am I to say?

I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.

Was AilahEvelynMae
and is now EllieMae :)

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Spearmint

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Thu May 09, 2024 4:25 pm

Spearmint says... · Thu May 09, 2024 4:25 pm

Awesome job this NaPo, Ellie!!

Love the range of poems you have, from capybaras to heartfelt, slightly heartbreaking but also heartwarming birthday poems ^-^
Did you end up writing poems for the rest of April? >.>
Can't wait to see your thread next year too!! =D

mint, she/her

.--. / ... ...- -.-. .-.. / - .--. ..- .- / .--- --- ...- .--- / .--- --- .--. .-- / .--. .--- .-.. / .--- -.-- .-.. .... -
=D

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EllieMae

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Thu May 09, 2024 10:32 pm

EllieMae says... · Thu May 09, 2024 10:32 pm

Thank you Mint

Yes, I am so sorry I totally fell behind on updating this. Let me post these today!!

Who's to say that my light is better than your darkness? Who's to say death is better than your darkness? Who am I to say?

I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.

Was AilahEvelynMae
and is now EllieMae :)

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EllieMae

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Thu May 09, 2024 10:37 pm

EllieMae says... · Thu May 09, 2024 10:37 pm

So late XD But there is no such this as TOO late haha

April 24:

The apple that rests on my windowsill,
Reminds me of birds flying against the wind, in summer.
Bare trees to floral dresses, which act as skin
To the summer brides.
An apple without a core, a seed without a sprout,
A winter without you,
And everything i forgot to do, since i changed.
The apple that rests on my windowsill,
The owls, the fallen leaves, the cherry blossoms,
The birds, and the photos i hate to see, but refuse to take down.
They remind me of everything.

Who's to say that my light is better than your darkness? Who's to say death is better than your darkness? Who am I to say?

I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.

Was AilahEvelynMae
and is now EllieMae :)

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EllieMae

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Thu May 09, 2024 10:43 pm

EllieMae says... · Thu May 09, 2024 10:43 pm

April 25:

Is it a question of if, or a question of how?
Sometimes (this is something I realized when I was about 15. Sure, I was aware of it then, but I guess, well, it really set an impression on my mind when I was about 17.) it isn't if.
The if is a result of every how I contemplate, every how I overthink.

Overthinking is every piece of freedom I ever ever dreamed to have.
But it is also the reason I feel so trapped (in my own mind. A fictional paradise that seems to yield repercussions that gnaw at the back of my head, the way a dog chews on a bone.)

If does not always equal how.

But maybe how is only true because I considered if a possibility.

(Time for bed.)

Who's to say that my light is better than your darkness? Who's to say death is better than your darkness? Who am I to say?

I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.

Was AilahEvelynMae
and is now EllieMae :)

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EllieMae

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Points 68556

Reviews 709

Thu May 09, 2024 10:48 pm

EllieMae says... · Thu May 09, 2024 10:48 pm

April 26:

Who's to say that my light is better than your darkness? Who's to say death is better than your darkness? Who am I to say?

I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.

Was AilahEvelynMae
and is now EllieMae :)

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