I Am Totally a Real-Life Wizard (Not Clickbait, I Swear!)

Amy giggled. "Malacoda is a vampire, silly! When are vampires most active?"

Vendetta hissed. "That feels a little... offensive. There are many vampires in L.A, and they're not murderous night-dwellers."

Amy scoffed. "Well, Malacoda is! That's why he's called the Dark Sun."

"Deep breath, Amy. They're new here." Jospehinzo stood up. "You may rest as long as you need. You have done me a great service and taken a large step towards defeating the greatest evil. Guy will guide you to your room, where you can properly bond with your weapon and sleep."

"What kind of a name is Guy?" Valeri asked skeptically.

A tall guy stood up from the table. "It's my name. Got a problem?" He crossed his arms.

Josephinzo sighed. "Please minimize the drama and take these new recruits to their rooms..." He returned to poring over some papers and talking with a group of people.

The questers, weapons, and kid turned to the new WANNABE.

Guy rolled his eyes. "Follow me, losers."

Vendetta groaned. "You're worse than Amy."

He scoffed. "What? I'm way better than Amy. I'm team leader. She's just a stupid poser."

Carter frowned. "My mommy says those are mean words."

Guy scoffed, then turned down a hallway. "Come on, noobs."

Valeri exchanged a glance with Vendetta, then followed the rude WANNABE. Carter trailed behind with the weapons.

They eventually reached a series of doors with numbers next to them. "So here are the rooms. Obviously. If you have questions, wait until the morning." Guy tossed a couple of keys into their hands, then stalked off with his head held ridiculously high.

"What's his problem?" Valeri whispered as she unlocked one door.

"I'm sure they're several." Vendetta unlocked the other door and froze. "Wait. Who's going to get each weapon. We never discussed it."

Dawn and Dusk looked at each other. Dawn sighed. "We cannot help you decide; the choice must be your own."

Vendetta sighed. "Figured. So, Valeri? What do you think?"

"Hmm, well, I've always considered myself more of a close-combat person, but I suppose that doesn't apply when the weapons are sentient and do all the fighting themselves..."

"Nonviolent fighting, of course," Dawn piped up.

"...Right." Valeri sighed and yawned again. "Anyways, I'll just take Dawn. Less pieces to keep track of. If you're alright with that, Vendetta?"

Vendetta nodded. “Yeah! I’m good with Dusk and Co.”

Dusk bobbed. “It has been done.”

Vendetta gasped and doubled-over. Pain surged through their veins, almost like a stream of liquid fire.

Valeri’s eyes popped open and she resisted the urge to scream. Once the waves of fiery tingling subsided, she groaned, “I didn’t know bonding was so painful…”

“Look on the bright side! It’s done now, and you won’t feel any more pain from our bond… unless you wish to break the bond, of course.” Dawn twirled around slightly ominously.

“Well, that’s great.” Valeri sighed, then stumbled into the closest room.

Vendetta threw a key to Carter. “Please behave. We need to take you home in the morning.”

They limped into their room, Dusk and Co following behind. They collapsed on the bed. “Alright, Dusk. I’m going to sleep off the level five cramps you’ve just given me.”

Dusk vibrated in what seemed like teasing laughter. “Okay, adventurer. Sleep well.”

Valeri woke up to a knock on their door.

"Breakfast!" someone called.

"Finally, some food." Valeri hopped out of bed, still in the outfit from yesterday, then cracked open the door and ventured into the hallway.

The compound was full of the chatter of other WANNABES, and Valeri spotted quite a few odd figures, like some person wearing pants for a shirt, and another one with a worm-covered veil over their face. She decided not to question anything and just followed the hallway back to the central room, which was now set up in a breakfast buffet.

Vendetta woke up with a groan. They’d never been a great morning person. But they sucked it up and followed the group down the hallway, leaving Dusk behind to continue sleeping. Was it sleeping? Did magical bows needs to sleep?

Vendetta spotted Valeri and made their way to them. “Hey, Valeri! How’d you sleep?”

"Pretty well." Valeri's stomach grumbled. "But there better be some good food here... I'm starving."

Valeri eyed the breakfast options and got a plate of scrambled eggs and potatoes, then turned back to Vendetta. "How about you?"

“I slept fine. I did, however, discover the Dusk snores. However that works.” Vendetta chucked and grabbed a healthy portion of potatoes. “Have you seen Carter anywhere?”

Valeri swallowed a mouthful of food and frowned. "Oh! I haven't." She glanced around, then suddenly pointed her fork at the hallway they'd come from. "Wait..."

Carter was trotting towards them, followed by a flock of geese. One goose honked and Carter giggled. "Look what I found! There's a whole farm here!"

Vendetta scrambled towards him. “Carter! Are you okay? What are you doing?”

He giggled. “I’m making new friends! See.” He picked up a goose. “This was one’s named Tiger.

Tiger the goose honked.