I Am Totally a Real-Life Wizard (Not Clickbait, I Swear!)

“I wonder it’s going to be. A great search for magic jewelry? Slaying a beast?” Vendetta squealed. “This is going to be so much fun.”

Dusk chuckled. “This will be the perfect time to learn what each of my arrows can do! And which ones to use against Guy and his weird obsession with meat.”

Josephinzo finally pulled his cloak off of him and said, "Your great errand-- I mean quest-- is to gather a couple of Very Important Ingredients for a certain potion I am creating. Work with your fellow WANNABES and prove yourselves worthy of investigating Malacoda!"

The wizard handed a list with messy handwriting to José, who looked thrilled to be handed such a wonderful responsibility.

Josephinzo was about to walk away when he apparently had another thought and added, "While you're out, could you pick up my dry cleaning as well? There's a special occasion coming up, and I've got to look my best." He took another step, then added, "And take my familiar to the pet grooming shop too, will ya?" He dropped a beady-eyed rat into Otto's hands.

José grinned. "Alright, team! Let's head out."

Otto shook his head. "Erots yrecorg eht: pots tsrif." He walked backward towards the exit.

Dusk hummed. "Nope. That's not going to get annoying. Not at all."

Vendetta sighed. "Let's go, Dusk and Co."

Carter said, "Oohw! Emit tseuq!" and followed Otto out the exit.

"...I hope we're not having a bad influence on the kid," Valeri muttered. Then she nodded to Dawn and they followed the group out of the wizard's realm.

Vendetta smiled. "Okay! So, José. Where to first?"

"The grocery store! We need the hair of a banshee, the cap of a century-old toadstool, a mermaid's fang, and the tear of the fairy."

Dusk froze. "Wait, aren't those the ingredients for a-"

"The grocery store is right around the corner, so we won't need a portal."

"Wait, Dusk, what were you saying?" Valeri narrowed their eyes.

"U-um. Maybe it's not... I suppose I can't judge without knowing all the information..."

"You were saying they're the ingredients for...?" Valeri prompted.

Dusk vibrated. "I sincerely hope it's not the case. It would be an unethical potion if so... A-anyways, let's do this quest!" Dusk sped down the street towards the WANNABES.

Vendetta frowned. “You’re being very ominous right now, and I don’t approve!”

“What? Can’t hear you over all of this questly awesomeness!”

Vendetta groaned. “I guess that’s the best we’re getting. But, this is the Great Josephinzo we’re talking about. Why would he make an unethical potion?”

“Nosear doog a evah d’he, did eh fi neve.” Otto smiled proudly. “Nosaer a sah syawla eh.”

Valeri glanced hopelessly at Carter, who grumbled a bit at having to explain. Eventually he said, "Otto's speaking backwards. He said that Josephinzo must have a reason."

Valeri frowned. "That's not very reassuring." She looked at José and Wormy up ahead, though, and sighed. "Hopefully we can figure it out after these errands..."

They walked faster to catch up to the WANNABES, who were waiting outside Mortimer's Magical Grocery Store.

“Have you ever been to a magical grocery store before?” José grabbed a shopping cart. “I know you’re new to this whole wizard thing.”

Otto rolled his eyes. “Erots yrecorg cigam a ot og ot draziw a eb ot evah t’nod uoy.”

“Hush, Otto.” José led the group into the store.

"We... try to avoid magic grocery stores." Valeri winced. "There was... an incident with some rude cabbages."

"Rude cabbages?" Carter asked curiously.

"N-never mind! Oh, I see mushroom caps over there!" Valeri hurried away, and Dawn followed.

José and Wormy started walking in a different direction. "We'll look for the fairy tear."

“Riah eehsnab rof kool dna Retrac ekat Ll’i.” Otto gestured for Carter to follow him and they walked in yet another direction.

Vendetta smiled at Dawn. “Alright, Dawn and Co. Let’s go looking for whatever is in that direction.” They pointed at the only direction no one was heading towards.

“Otto’s looking for banshee hair.”

“Then we’re looking for mermaid’s fang.”

Dusk grumbled. “That is such a specific ingredient. We’re not going to be able to find it. It’s used for one very unethical potion.”

Valeri browsed the selection of mushroom caps. There were quite a few decade-old ones, but it looked like someone had cleared out everything from seventy onwards.

As she frowned and tried another aisle, she overheard a pair of elves whispering about Malacoda. "Always knew vampires were up to no good," one said.

That sounded quite a bit like stereotyping to Valeri, but before she could say anything, they were all distracted by a scream.

Carter ran past, holding a hair and a mushroom cap and yelping, "The plants are trying to eat me!"

Vendetta whirled around. “Carter? What happened?”

Otto ran backwards towards them. “Truh ton s’eh. Storrac gnitae-hself eht yb deracs tog eh.”

Carter huffed. “They’re called flesh-eating carrots!”

"...Okay then, let's just get what we need and get out before this turns into another grocery store incident..." Valeri looked at the ingredients in Carter's hands. "Oh good, you've got two."

"Yep, Otto found the banshee hair, and I found some aged mushroom caps near the carnivorous vegetables." Carter shuddered.

"How about you, Vendetta? Find anything?"

Dusk floated back. "There are no mermaid fangs in this store. I checked and double-checked."

José and Wormy returned to the group, José holding a small vial. "What, they don't have mermaid fangs?"

Dusk bobbed. "I told Vendetta that mermaid fangs are a particular ingredient that should probably be kept out of public hands."

Vendetta sighed. "Dusk, you're being ominous again."