Insane Sanity

Derek Young
Skizzy actually talked quite a bit on the way back. He didn't tell me anything important or especially interesting, but it wasn't like I had said anything like that either.

When I opened the door I heard Blue asking about us. I snickered. And there I thought that no one noticed us when we leaved. "What?" I stepped inside. "Miss me?"

Skizzy let go of my hand and sat down in the sofa. Many of the others glared at me, but I ignored them and took my jacket of. I still had the pack of cigs in them. I picked it up and looked at it for a while. Skizzy excused himself and went to our room.

"Tyler, right?" The guy I had meant turned to look at me. "Here," I said and tossed it to him. He caught it and looked up with a quizzical face. "I'm quitting," I muttered. I wasn't even sure if I wanted to quit, but then I thought about what it could do to your skin, and decided that it was for the best. Besides, it smelled.

Speaking of smell. I sniffed the air and frowned. Cheese? "Seriously, what's wrong with you people. How can you even eat something like that?"

"Says the guy who went to McDonald's," someone muttered.

"I only ate a salad," I muttered and walked into our room instead. Anastasia seemed to be the only one who thought about her looks. Not that she looked good like that. I preferred people whose ribs didn't threaten to tear through the skin.

Skizzy was lying in his bed, face against the wall. I rummaged through my backpack and found my iPod. I glanced over at him. I didn't really want to wake him. "Skizzy?" I said quietly.

I rolled over on his back and looked at me. "Yeah?"

"Here, you can borrow this." I handed it to him, and he shone up like a kid during Christmas. "I listen to most types of music, so you can probably find something that you like."

Lilah

"Why don't you like me?" asked Stasia as I fixed another grilled cheese. "I mean I can understand why you don't like me I hate myself to begin with. B-but I want to apologize for whatever I did to you to make you not like me." As I looked at her, I saw a tear run down her cheek, but she wiped it away quickly, hoping that I didn't see.

"Stasia," I said, my voice soft. "I don't ot like you. Its just-" I pause, my throat clenching from all of the supressed emotion. "Its just that you remind me of my sister. She- she... died, right before I came to the psych ward. Keeping my distance and trying to hate you was the way I... coped." Now tears were streaming down my face as well. "I'm sorry."

"Its ok." Stasia said quietly. "So what was she like, your sister?"

After a while, once I regained the ability to even use my voice, I started talking. "She was sweet, and kind, and alwaystried to be positive. But... she had problems. She killed herself. She just couldn't take it anymore. She started to hate herself. I guess our fosterparents finally got to her. She, she killedherself. I could've stopped it."

"Oh." was all she could say. By now, the grilled cheese was both burned and soggy at the same time, completely ruined. Just like me. My paranoia kicked in, right on cue. The voice in my head insisted that she was going to tell everyone. I tried to ignore it, but it still was at the back of my head.

Conner Grey
I looked at Stasia's drawing again and then looked at Blue. "If she asks I'm in the bathroom." I said and left the apartment. I made my way down to an arts and crafts store. I stood a bit confused then found the sketchpads. I found the largest sketchpad I could 180 pages. It reminded me of an Anastasia it was entirely black leather except for a silver butterfly on top of a rose on the cover. I stuck a pack of colored pencils and charcoal pencils in my pockets then after paying for the sketchpad went back to the apartment. I stuck everything into her bag and sat down smiling happily.
Anastasia Steele
I touched Lilah's shoulder gently. "We can redo the sandwiches they can wait a bit longer." I said. "You don't have to worry about me who would I tell? The only people who will know are the demons inside my head." I said tapping the side of my head after dumping the sandwiches in the garbage.

August and Skizzy

Skizzy

I stared down at the MP3 player in my hand and could practically feel my body relaxing.

"Thank you," I said to Derek. "Thanks a lot. Really. This is one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for me."

"No problem."

I watched as he looked around the room with a distasteful glare. The room was still dirty, I didn't really notice, all I saw was the bed, and I didn't realize how sleepy I was until my head hit the pillow. Still, I pushed myself up and began picking up debris off the ground, we would need a broom, but this would do for now. At least I hoped it would.

"No, go back to sleep Skizzy."

I frowned and snatched up a piece of paper that fell out of my arms.

"I'm fine," I replied, giving a tired smile. "It's the least I can do after all you've done for me today."

The room didn't take long to finish, but by the time it was done I was wrecked. The room still smelt stale, and the bed sheets were old and dirty, but it was all we could do for now. I crawled into my bed, bumping my head on frame, and sunk into the hard mattress. I yawned loudly and stretched out down to my toes.

"Night, Derek."

I put in the headphones, picked a random song, and closed my eyes.

Anastasia Steele
I popped the last sandwich on the plate and smiled. "Split one with me?" I asked Lilah not thinking. She looked at me a bit shocked then answered quickly "Sure." 'That's all fat Anastasia what the fuck are you thinking?! I will make you purge!' Ana shrieked inside my head. 'I'm only eating half I need food just like the next person.' I replied. 'Please you can feed off your store of fat for weeks before you have to worry about food. Your thighs spread out when you sit? Is it worth it? All your hard work down the drain.' Ana said. I paused and then looked at the sandwiches. "You know what Lilah I'm not hungry." I said and she looked disappointed? 'No she's relieved that you're not eating she's afraid if you start you won't stop.' Ana said. I sighed and took the plate into the next room. "Grab them while they're warm." I said and then sat down watching everyone grab a sandwich and start eating. My stomach growled loudly and Blue looked at me. I smiled at him and went into my bag. I felt something hard and pulled it out. I touched the black leather rubbing my thumb against the rose. I looked in my bag again and found two packs of pencil one colored one charcoal. "Do you like Stasia?" Conner asked. I hugged him tightly. "Thank you! I love it!" I said and giggled. "I missed that sound." He muttered and let go. I was confused but shrugged it off. I sat down once again and started to draw with one of the charcoal pencils.

Conner Grey
"I missed that sound." I muttered as I let go. I could see her confusion and smiled at her. I sighed and plopped down next to Tyler. "May I?" I asked nodding at his cigarette pack. "Go for it." He said. I smiled and tapped one out. I lit it and took a long drag exhaling. I felt myself calm down and my feet started to tap against the floor barely audibly. I looked at Blue wondering if he had heard me when I told him that Stasia loved him. It was obvious the way she smiled at him. I didn't know how he felt about her. I watched her eyelids droop and then eventually flutter closed. She fell asleep her head against the arm of the couch. Nearly silent I folded my trenchcoat and tucked it under her head. "Someone find some blankets? I think we're all pretty blurry eyed." I said and yawned loudly.

Johanna Yukiko
The sandwiches was finally done. I was hungry, and I wanted to go get one, I even took a few steps towards the table where the others were sitting, but I couldn't. My heart started racing and my legs threatened to fold. I couldn't possibly reach out and take a sandwich with these hand. People would stare. They would taunt me.

Derek Young
I stood and looked at my bed for a long time, until I finally decided that no, I couldn't possibly sleep there. It was disgusting. Who knew what those sheets had witnessed? I exited the room and took a look around in the apartment. After a while I found what I was looking for. A wardrobe with clean sheets, a sweeper a dustpan and some black garbage-bags. Perfect.

On my way back to our room I snatched up a sandwich. The others stared at me when I walked over the the nervous girl.. Hanna? Yeah, that was probably it. "Here." I gave her the sandwich, and she took it hesitantly. "There's no need to be afraid. We don't bite." I glanced over my back at the others who were still staring. Had they forgotten about her? How tragic. "Or at least I don't." With that I went back to my room.

It didn't take too long to get the room to an acceptable state, and Skizzy was sleeping soundly the whole time, even though the music was so loud that I could hear it from across the room.

I put the dirty cheats together with the dust in the black garbage bag and then continued with tossing it out. When I was done I took my backpack and went into the bathroom. Shower and use an expensive conditioner then floss, brush teeth, rinse with mouthwash, take two fluoride tablets and then apply moisturizer. Someone banged on the door when I was brushing my hair.

"I hope you fucking drowned yourself in there Derek, or I'm going do it! Open the damn door!"

Oh, great. August. Obnoxious as ever. "Calm down," I muttered as I opened the door and got out. She glared at me before slamming the door shut.

I sighed and went back to my room. I was starting to get pretty tired. "Goodnight," I said quietly to Skizzy, who of course couldn't hear me, and went to bed.

Conner Grey
I sighed and got up. I found a random closet and forced it open. There were a few blankets inside. None of them smelled bad and weren't dusty. I pulled them out. "Ok there's a second bedroom if two people want to share it go ahead. There are also a couple more chairs as you can see. I'd really rather that we all stay in this apartment just so that we know where everyone is in the morning." I said and then put down the blankets. Everyone looked at me and I sighed looking up to the ceiling. "Everyone grab a damn blanket and get ready to sleep. If you are not going to sleep do not wake those who are about to." I said my patience wearing thin I needed my fucking meds otherwise someone might end up dying if I didn't. Blue grabbed a blanket, so did Tyler. I handed one to Gus and one to Johanna. There were two left. I could sleep sitting up so I really didn't need one. "Lilah here take one. Who else needs a blanket?" I asked looking around. A few people paused in making makeshift beds and thought.

Lilah

"Thanks, Conner." I say as take one of the blankets. But then again, there's only on blanket left, and god knows that I've slept without plenty of times, giving mine to my sister years ago. "You know, you should have this, Stasia. You need it more than me."

"Thanks," Stasia says hesitantly and takes the blanket. "Want to share the bedroom for old times sake?"

"Sure," I say, smiling. "Hey, guys, Stasia and I are taking the bed if no one else wants it."

With only silence greeting us as people try to figure out who gets the last blanket, we go to the bedroom and plop down on the twin beds.

"God, this day seems like its lasted forever." I say as I lay down.

"Yeah, tell me about it. Seems like an eternity since we were in that hospital." We fall silent for a while, but then, out of nowhere, I pipe up again. "You know, it seems like I've been having more progress, with well-everything- out here than I ever did in there."

Silence again, and soon we are bothe fast asleep. It was the first night I had any semblance of a good nights sleep. But it didn't last long.

Anastasia Steele
I turned and noticed Lilah awake staring at the ceilling. "What are you thinking about?" I asked jolting her out of her thoughts. I sat up and she did the same. I sat waiting for her to reply enjoying the silence instead of the faint hustle and bustle of the hospital.

Conner Grey
I sat against a wall letting my head drop my back. I closed my eyes in lieu of going to sleep while in fact keeping my ears open in case anyone tried to get into the apartment. I sighed and adjusted my position trying to get comfortable.

I walked to building and slammed on the door hard so everyone could hear, i wonder if anyone is there.... when i toke my hand away i left a dent in the door. I never tried to punch hard but after sometimes happened it seems like i either had a tight grip or anger issues sometimes. I never knew for sure i usually blacked out and couldn't tell what was happening when that happened to me everything seemed like a nightmare and like i was half demon.

"H...Hello...?" i stood and waited for someone to answer the door looking around and loving that it was night time and not daytime yet...

Anastasia got out of her bed and looked around she walked downstairs pass everyone else and opened the door to see me standing there quietly and i moved my hair out of my eyes just so she could see me.

Anastasi Steele
I ran out of the bedrom and saw Raven. "My god we forgot you."

Raven

"Eh i'm use to it" i slide in past her and into the house and looked away from everyone else shyly. I didn't like being near a lot of people but i guess it is what it is if i want to survive. I looked around at the people and ate an apple that i stole off a grocery stand. I waved to them as most of them waved back and i wondered what everyone thought of me. I felt like I was the odd ball of the group but i guess that was normal since that was how it was all the time

Anastasa Steele
I hugged raven "I missed you." I said it was thetruth he was my closest friend and had known me outside the hospital.

"Nothing. Just... thinking about life... before all this." I say uncomfortably.

"So what was life like for you... before?"

"Um... I really don't want to talk about it."

"Okay."

We were silent for a moment. But because she was the first one to not pry about stuff like that, I guess I trusted her, at least more than the others, I decided to open up, just a little. "I was raised by... foster parents. They were... abusive towards my sister and I. I almost killed my foster father the day my sister died. I still blame them. So what was life like before for you?"

"My... father was abusive. My mother didn't do anything about it, just pretended she didn't see. I tried to... kill myself... twice because I couldn't take the beatings anymore. That's when they put me in the hospital."

With that we fell silent and went to sleep.



I awoke to find that Stasia was already up and out of bed. I walked out of the room carefree. Well, almost- there was still the nagging, paranoid voice at the back of my head, but it was fading. But that all changed when I saw the stranger in the hall. My breathing quickened, and I backed up into the room. Without thinking twice, I packed my bag once more and walked towards the door. This place wasn't safe anymore. Nowhere was. But just as I was at the door, Stasia turned around.

"Where are you going?"

"I have to get out of here. I'm sorry." I said as I walked out the door, not once looking back.