Insane Sanity

August and Skizzy

Skizzy

Derek continued to wipe at my arm and I tried not to wince.

"I'm fine," I whispered, getting up from our sitting position. "It's just a little blood." My bones popped and I groaned. Suddenly my eyes were too heavy to keep open and I yawned. "God, I'm tired. I should go start on the room. Start cleaning so..." I shook my head, started again.

"Actually I think I'm hungry. Are you hungry?"

"We haven't eaten since we left the hospital. That was a long time ago."

"I think..." Shook my head, started again. "It's dark outside. We should get dinner. I'm hungry."

Also tired. I yawned and stretched, felt my bones crack again. But more hungry than tired.

"I just, um..." Shook my head again, tried to start over, but didn't. "I really appreciate it... appreciate you. Thank you for... for talking, I guess, I don't know. Most people just send me away, like they don't even care but... I don't know. Thanks, again, really."

He looked confused, and I know it didn't make much sense at all, so I laughed and shrugged.

"I don't think there's any food here, and I don't have much money, only..."

I dug into my pockets and pulled out two crumpled twenties along with a few loose pills that I stashed before leaving the hospital. I downed two of them and made a note to get more... somehow.

"I haven't had any fast food in a while."

Derek Young
"I don't think there's any food here, and I don't have much money, only..."

He dug into his pockets and pulled out two crumbled twenty dollar bills. I almost snickered. That wasn't much. My parent had sent me plenty of money, and I had more money than I needed on my bank acount too. Not that I could make a withdrawal, they'd probably come looking if I did. I watched him swallow some pill and couldn't help but wonder if he'd really be alright without his meds. I knew I would, but I didn't have a problem to begin with.

"I haven't had any fast food in a while."

I frowned and opened my mouth to protest, but realized that I should probable be nice. I could take a salad or something. "Then lets find a joint that sells it," I said with a strained smile. I coudln't let myself eat something unhealthy. Sure, I smoked, but that was it. That was as far as I was willing to go to risk spoiling my looks. "You should go and wash up. And put on a hoodie or something. People will probably be looking for us."

While he was in the bathroom I went in to our room and rummaged through my backpack. I didn't own a hoodie, wouldn't be caught dead in one, so I put on a black jacket and hat instead. Not quite as concealing as it should've been, but it would have to do, and it suited me. Skizzy came in and put on a hoodie.

"Lets go," I said and took the lead. No one seemed to pay any attention to us as we left. They didn't like me, I knew that. Of course they didn't like me, they were jealous and they couldn't understand me. "So, why were you locked into that place?" I asked as I looked around. Was that a McDonald sign? I headed towards it, and glanced back at Skizzy. Had he looked like that from the beginning or had my question startled him?

"Umm.. I.. That's.."

I smiled. If I had been him I would just have lied, but he seemed unable to. How cute. "You don't need to tell me if you don't want too."

August and Skizzy

Skizzy

"You don't need to tell me if you don't want to."

I rubbed my hands together, warming them against the cold. My breath fogged in front of me and my poor hoodie was too thin to make any amount of difference against the wind. I shuddered and wrapped my arms around myself.

"It's fine. I- I don't mind, I mean, it's just a story, yeah? Just a stupid story, happened so long ago I don't even mind anymore." I tried to laugh but it trailed off sadly. I probed my split lip with my tongue and then bit it, against my better judgement, but habits were hard to break.

"Okay," I continued, "just a story. Umm... it was, my, umm.. my sister, Ca-."

Carrie, little Carrie, precious Carrie, small, helpless, defenseless Carrie! And what did you do? You slaughtered her!

I slapped my hands over my ears and shook my head, focused on the noise of the cars whizzing by, the low, constant chatter of the people on the sidewalks, on Derek's hand on my shoulder.

"It's fine, i'm fine," I shook him off, put my hands in my pockets. "My sister, her name was Carrie."

I cringed at the sudden rush of voices, focused on the noise outside.

"I sort of uhh-"

Say it, say how you slaughtered her and watch how quick Derek leaves you. You think he'll ever talk to you again if he knew?

"Oh, would you just shut up," I hissed under my breath.

"Skizzy?"

"I murdered her," I blurted out.

I walked quicker towards the McDonald's sign, and felt the start of a headache at my temple. I'd leave before he abandoned me, at least now he knew, now someone knew, at least one person. I didn't tell anyone else, but at least someone knew. I think I might have heard my name, but the voices were too loud, I tried to push them down to the back of my head. I pressed my hands against my ears, they were going away, someone - Derek - grabbed my jacket and I whirled around.

"Listen, okay, just please don't do that and I know, okay, I know so you don't have to tell me because I know. And I would like it if you just didn't, just don't. Please just don't."

I knew I was babbling, but that was okay with me, as long as he understood that I didn't need the accusations. Weren't we all crazy? But we aren't all murderers. And that was the problem. I shuddered again against the cold.

August

I watched Derek and Skizzy walk out of the door and immediately my mood lifted. It's not that I had anything personal about them, it's just that their simple appearance set off everything wrong with my condition. My stomach rumbled again and I gave it a disapproving look.

"Can anyone in this blasted house cook," I nearly yelled.

Derek Young
He looked like he was cold, and for a moment I considered handing him my jacket, but then I would be cold, and I didn't want that. Besides, we weren't far from McDonald's.

"It's fine. I- I don't mind, I mean, it's just a story, yeah? Just a stupid story, happened so long ago I don't even mind anymore." He laughed, not sounding convinced in the slightest, which made me curious. He seemed harmless enough, so what could he possibly have done that was so bad.

"Okay," he continued, "just a story. Umm... it was, my, umm.. my sister, Ca-." He suddenly stopped talking and slapped his hands over his ears and shook his head. Asking him about this was probably a bad idea, the guy was obviously damaged. Well, we were all damaged, weren't we? I put a hand on his shoulder, hoping that he'd snap out of it.

"It's fine, i'm fine." He shook my hand of, which made me frown. "My sister, her name was Carrie. I sort of uhh.." He trailed of for a moment, before hissing: "Oh, would you just shut up?"

Oh. He heard voiced. Great. "Skizzy?"

"I murdered her," he said quickly before hurrying past me, towards McDonald's, hands over his ears again. He had killed someone? His sister at that? Maybe ha could understand me, after all. I hurried to catch up to him and grabbed his jacket, making him twirl around. He started rambling, almost to quickly for me to understand.

I sighed, grabbed his chin and forced him to look at me. "Do I look like I'm going to yell at you?" He studied me for a moment before weakly shaking his head. "No, that's right, because I'm not. You're not the only one who has killed someone. I convinced my business partner to jump of a building with me, even though I knew that he wouldn't make it." Yes, I had killed Carl. I had known that he'd never be able to fly, because I was the only one who could do that. I was the only one who was truly special. And even so I had forced him to jump.

"That's not.."

I frowned and let go of him. "Call it what you want, but in the end it's the same. I caused his death."

Blue

I slipped razors into the hands of the people that I knew would need them, and then presented the fake weight loss pills to Anastasia. She smiled and wrapped me in a hug, and a deep sense of shame filled me.

As I wrapped my arms around her small figure, realizing once again just how delicate she is, I convinced myself that I was doing the right thing.

As I pulled away from Stasia, August demanded, "Can anyone in this blasted house cook?"

"I can," I interjected, grabbing the grocery bags and going to check the stove.

When fire lit up, I called out, "Anyone want grilled cheese?"

Tyler

As Blue made grilled cheese for everyone I watched all of my friends sit and chit-chat. Bored, I walked over the the fridge and flung it open. Just as I suspected, it wasn't working.

Grabbing the fridge by both sides, I tried to pull it from the wall. As I struggled with it, Conner came over and began helping me. I shot him a look of gratitude, and we finished pulling it out.

"Just as I thought." I muttered, "It wasn't plugged into the wall."

Grabbing the plug, I jammed it into the wall.

As Conner pushed it back, I called over to Blue, "Hey, Chef Blue, put the groceries in there in about half an hour."

With that, I grabbed a cigarette and lit it. As I placed it in my mouth and looked up at Blue, something was wrong.

"Blue?" I asked.

He snapped his eyes shut and dropped onto the floor, clutching his head and whispered, "Leave me alone."

"Anastasia?" I called.

"Man, he said leave him alone." Conner interjected.

"He's not talking to me." I insisted, "He's talking to his hallucinations."

***

Blue sat on the ground next to Anastasia, his head in his hands, his sketch book open to his latest drawing.

*Liv asked me to add that in, because she didn't have a lot of time to write.*

August and Skizzy

Skizzy

"Oh."

I couldn't say more which was insane, because I always had more to say. Just oh. I stepped back and folded my arms. I felt myself smiling, but felt it was inappropriate, so I tried to drop the expression but couldn't.

"That's.. umm... great. Well, not like great that he died but... Yeah."

I chuckled lowly and shook my head in disbelief. The rest of the trip was done in silence and I had to try my best to wait patiently in line. It's been so long, so long. We got to the counter and I leaned against it eagerly, I heard Derek groan.

"Welcome to McDonalds how may I-"

"I want a large fry, a large orange soda, two burgers, the biggest burgers you have-"

"A big mac, sir?"

I nodded quickly.

"Yeah, whatever, that, and a large fry, did I already say that?"

"You did."

"Well another one then. And that's all."

I looked back at Derek, he was looking at me with disapproval, but I just laughed lowly. I know it was a lot of food, but I've been living off cafeteria food for as long as I can remember.

"And you sir," the cashier asked, she was eyeing me suspiciously.

"Just a salad."

She printed a ticket and I put my money on the counter before finding a table. Derek sat across from me a while later, holding a tray of food. He took his salad and I snatched up my first burger. It was gone in seconds.

"Oh my God," I said through a laugh, "this is so good! I can't even..." I unwrapped the other burger and glanced up at Derek. He had a frown on his face. I scowled too and sat up straight from my hunched position. "Sorry," I murmured. "Sorry, I'll..." I sat down the burger and wiped my mouth.

Derek Young
"Next time we go out eating I'm going to pick the place. Because that is disgusting." I stabbed a cherry tomato on my fork and held it towards him. "Eat." He glanced up at me, giving me a doubtful look. "It's good for you."

"There are tomatoes on the.." His voice trailed of as I glared at him and he took the tomato. I stabbed another tomato and held it out to him. Then it finally seemed to occur to him why I was doing this. "Are you angry?" he asked quietly, like he was afraid that I'd yell at him.

"Yes, I am." He seemed startled. I leaned closer to him and said quietly: "I just told you that I killed someone, and you said oh."

"Sorry.." He mumbled. He had that look again. Like he was hearing something that wasn't there.

"But that's okay, 'cause I'll forgive you if you eat the rest of the tomatoes." I pushed the plastic bowl towards him and gave him the fork. The rest of those nasty things were gone in a flash. As soon as they were all gone he looked up at me, looking like he dreaded my next sentence more than anything. At least that meant that he cared. I had been afraid that he really didn't. "You're forgiven," I said with a smile, took my salad back at began to eat.

"So you just forgave me. Just like that?"

I swallowed and then looked up at him again. "Yes, 'cause I hate raw tomatoes." I laughed, but when I realized that he didn't look amused at all, I stopped. "I just wanted to know whether you care or not. For all I know you might as well consider me to be a walking radio."

Spoiler

Yey, I finally got to show that Derek isn't as sure of himself as he wants to appear. And seriously, raw tomatoes are gross.

August and Skizzy

Skizzy

"I'm not.. good with words, so I can't tell you how much I really love that you're sticking around without messing it up or something. I can't... umm..."

I fiddled around with the fries on the tray, not really hungry anymore.

"I talk a lot and it doesn't mean anything, okay? You talk and it means something, a lot, to me. You're not just a radio, I like radios, but you're not just a radio. I don't... umm.. I'd care if you went jumping off anymore buildings. I'd care if you.. fell."

I shoved a handful of fries in my mouth and chewed on them quickly, trying my best to keep my eyes down and arrange my thoughts. Why was he doing this? I tapped my hands against the table. He wasn't talking, he wasn't saying anything. It made me nervous.

"I told you I'm not good with words," I half-screamed, drawing the attention of an elderly couple a few booths away from us. "I have the words, up here," I tapped the side of my head. "I have a lot of words up there, but when I try to talk them it's like... like they're running away from my mouth. I ramble, talk to much, and I don't know how to tell you these things."

I took in a steadying breath because my voice was starting to shake, along with my hands. I was getting frustrated, I never was good at talking about these type of things, feelings and emotions. I looked back up at Derek, there was a forkful of salad in mid-progression towards his mouth, just hovering there, while he looked at me with a strange expression. I reached over and lowered his hand and fork back to the bowl, because he was either going to eat the salad or he wasn't, he had to make up his mind. Once that was done I put my hands in my lap and picked at my nails, my tongue ran over the cut on my lip.

"I just... I just umm... I don't want you to go away."

--

August

I grabbed a grilled cheese and returned to my sofa with full intentions of laying out on it but someone was blocking sitting there. I held back a groan and took the recliner instead, sitting in it horizontally so that my legs hung over the armrest. There looked to be something going on with Blue and Anastasia, Tyler went over to check on them, and I would have too - I've been around Skizzy long enough to know what was happening - but it honestly wasn't one of my top priorities.

It's not like I mean to have a bad attitude, it's just not many things in this world that don't piss me off. I finish off my sandwich, leaving the crust, and take out my lighter. Just the sound of turning it on made me feel better. I flicked it a few times before reaching into my pocket for a cigarette.

"How are we supposed to get re-fills on our medicine," I wondered out loud. We'd all run out soon, I didn't even bring any with me.

Derek Young
"I just... I just umm... I don't want you to go away."

I smiled. That was exactly what I had wanted to hear. "You want to hear a story about when I was a kid?" I said and pushed the salad away. I was done eating. He nodded, and gave me a small smile. "I've always been smart, so I snuck out from class and.."

...

I looked down at my wrist watch and stared. Three hours. Not weird that my throat was starting to feel sore. I had told him about most of my childhood. Not exactly interesting, but he seemed mesmerized by my stories.

I cleared my throat. "What do you say we head back now? We've been gone for more than three hours." He nodded, finished the ice cream that he had bought and then hurried to follow me outside.

As soon as the doors closed behind me I pulled a pack of cigs from the pocket of my jacket and lit one. It was the first one I had had in ages, so I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply. When I opened my eyes again I noticed that Skizzy looked slightly amused. "Yes, I know," I muttered. "But I figured that my otherwise healthy lifestyle might compensate.. Or something." Skizzy was right. I should quit. I looked at the cig and tossed it on the curb, unwillingly.

We walked a bit, talking about this and that.. Well, I talked about this and that, Skizzy just listened. I was starting to get tired of talking about myself. Something that I never thought would happen.

On impulse I reached out my hand towards him, startling him at first, but then I smiled and he took it hesitantly. "Why don't you talk about yourself for a while? You know almost everything about me." There was one thing he didn't know. Or at least I didn't think he knew. The reason that I had jumped of that building. Maybe he knew.. What did I care?

Lilah

Once I was finished in the bathroom, I strolled into the kitchen, saying, "hey, Blue, the grilled cheese almost done? I'm starving." Then I noticed that Blue was on the floor, sketchbook in hand, hand whirling around the sketchbook as he drew. He was having a hallucination. Stasia was on the floor with him, holding his head and arms, trying to calm him down, Tyler hovering above them worriedly.

"Hey," I said to Stasia. I didn't really like her that much, but now was not the time to be ignoring her. "I'll get a pillow, make him more comfortable. I'll help you restrain him too."

With that I dashed out of the room and grabbed a pillow off the bed in the closest room, and gently laid it under Blue's head as Stasia carefully moved it up. Together, Stasia, Tyler and I restrained him, Stasia holding his shoulders, Tyler holding his arms and me his legs, we were able to hold him down, preventing his convulsions as best we could.

As we held him down, he mumbled jargon and obscenities at us- well, not at us, but at the images he had conjured in his mind and his sketchbook. After a while, however, he grew calmer and eventually returned to consciousness.

"What happened?" He asked, disoriented. "Did I have a hallucination?"

"Yeah." Stasia and I said at the same time.

With that, he propped up on his elbows and started to stand up. Although we protested, he still got up. He was a little shaky, but unharmed. "Grilled cheese anyone?" His voice shook some, but he hid it well. M

"Hey, why don't I make them?" I say.

"You know how?"

"No, but it can't be that hard. Besides, now that we're on the outside, it's kind of important to learn how to make one."

Johanna Yukiko
I watched as they took care of Blue, and I wanted to help but I didn't know how. Instead I went into the kitchen, careful to hold my hands away from them as I passed, and looked at the groceries that they had bought. I could probably make a nice stew out if this, but could I really tell them that? After all, the grilled cheese was already half done. No, I couldn't say anything about it. And besides, who'd want to eat anything that I had cooked with these hands?

When I went back to the living room I noticed that Blue was up on his legs again. If I had dared to I would have smiled at him, but instead I looked down on my feet and hurried back to my corner. I wish Derek and Skizzy would come back. Maybe they would talk to me. My heart started racing again. No, I hoped that they wouldn't talk to me. It was probably better if no one even noticed I was here. That way I'd probably starve to death, and I wouldn't have to live with these hands anymore. I wouldn't have to live with myself anymore.

I wanted to cry. I really really wanted to cry, but I couldn't let myself. If I did they would look at me, and I would have to wipe my tears with my hands, and everyone would see. They'd laugh and call me names, just like before. But maybe that was better? At least I would know that I really existed if they did that.

Conner Grey
"Hey Conner why does everything in the house work?" Stasia asked. I looked at her and smiled. "Simple this place is an unofficial homeless shelter. The city pays for electricity and water. Sometimes there will be food at the door. The cops don't check in at all either." I replied shrugging. "How do you know so much about places like these?" She asked. I smiled bitterly. "Let's just say my parents weren't rich." I replied my voice barely audible. I knelt in front of Blue. "You ok man?" I asked looking in his eyes. He didn't look happy since Stasia had told him to sit and not move. "Yeah I'm fine." He said a bit loudly. "You still can't move." Stasia replied then I noticed she had a sketchpad and and was drawing. Every now and then she'd look up over the sketchpad. I looked over her shoulder. She was drawing Blue in surprising detail now I understood why he couldn't move. "Wait where are Skizzy and Derek?" I asked just realizing they were gone. "They went to get Mcdonalds." Stasia replied still drawing.

Anastasia Steele
The silence was becoming to much and I started to sing Things Left Unsaid by Disciple. "It's just a matter of time a few days ago I saw you, you were fine Remembering what you said About the book you read The one I got you The Beginning of the End Oh how we'd talk For hours upon end What I would give Just to do it again But you're lying there In this hospital bed Won't you open you eyes And let's talk once again." 'You suck Ana.' A voice snapped at me. 'This isn't American Idol you know.' Another added. I put a final shading in the drawing of Blue I was doing then set it down. I walked into the kitchen and started to help Lilah cook. "Why don't you like me?" I asked looking at Lilah. "I mean I can understand why you don't like me I hate myself to begin with. B-but I want to apologize for whatever I did to you to make you not like me." I added quickly. A tear hit my hand as I was reaching for the butter and I swiped away my tears quickly.

Blue

"Hey, why don't I make them?" Lilah offered.

"You know how?" I asked.

"No, but it can't be that hard. Besides, now that we're on the outside, it's kind of important to learn how to make one."

I gave a low chuckle and shrugged, "It's simple, really. Just spread butter on two pieces of bread, and put cheese in between. Just don't like them burn, okay Li?"

She smiled and gave me a nod, then turned to finish up the grilled cheese. Still shaken, I went to go sit back down.

"Hey Conner why does everything in the house work?" Stasia asked.

"Simple," He said with a smile, "this place is an unofficial homeless shelter. The city pays for electricity and water. Sometimes there will be food at the door. The cops don't check in at all either."

"How do you know so much about places like these?" She asked in turn.

In almost a whisper, he replied, "Let's just say my parents weren't rich."

Yeah, okay, I was listening in on their conversation. But honestly, Stasia had made me sit still so she could draw me. It's not like there was anything else I could do.

Conner knelt before me, looking me straight in the eyes, and inquired, "You ok man?"

Disgruntled and uncomfortable from sitting still, I said loudly, "Yeah I'm fine."

"You still can't move." Stasia muttered, looking up at me just to ensure that I didn't, then turned back to her drawing.

"Wait where are Skizzy and Derek?" Conner asked after a moment of silence.

"They went to get Mcdonalds." Stasia replied, still drawing.

As the silence grew, Anastasia began to sing, "It's just a matter of time a few days ago I saw you, you were fine Remembering what you said About the book you read The one I got you The Beginning of the End Oh how we'd talk For hours upon end What I would give Just to do it again But you're lying there In this hospital bed Won't you open you eyes And let's talk once again."

Her face grew solemn and she discontinued her singing. Adding a final touch to the drawing, she put it down and walked into the kitchen.

Looking down at her drawing, I realized the incredible detail in her drawing. I grabbed my sketch book back and examined it closer.

"Haven't Skizzy and Derek been gone a while?" I posed.

Just as Conner gave a shrug, the two walked in the door.

"What," Derek said with a conceited smirk, "Miss me?"

August and Skizzy

Skizzy

Derek's hands were warm in my cold ones, big, and comfortable. I tapped my fingers against the back of his hand, then stopped, then started up again.

"There's really not much to know about me, I've been in the hospital since I was six. I'm nineteen now..." The idea was strange, time really doesn't register as a thing to me, it simply passes by, mornings and nights, waking up and going to sleep. Time passes weirdly inside the walls of the hospital, you don't really notice until one day you're moving from the children's ward to the teens, and then to the adults. "My birthday is," I cut off with a laugh, "I don't even know. I don't remember, we never celebrated my birthday in the hospital."

I looked up at Derek, he was starring off down the sidewalk, so I looked back down at my shoes. We were getting closer to the house. He was still holding my hand. I felt heat rush to my cheeks and I frowned.

"I... umm... I like chocolate. A lot. It's my favorite, we don't get it much in the cafeterias, only on special days, but I'm always asking Ms. May for more. She's the nice nurse."

I paused and bit my lip as we turned onto the street that led to our new home.

"I love music, I can't play anything really, no instruments, but I like music. All types of music. I had a MP3 player, but I must have left it at the hospital. Music always calms me down when I get into one of my fits," I peeked up at him before turning back away quickly. My hand wasn't cold anymore. "I don't like summers, too hot. I prefer winters even though I get cold quickly. But it's easier to get warm..."

We walked up to the door.

"I'm not very interesting. Sorry, I haven't lived much of a life. I mean, this is my first time out of the hospital in a really long time."

I laughed again as he opened the door, laughed at my pathetic existence, laughed at my one cold hand and my one warm one, laughed at the fact that Derek was still here, laughed at the fact that this old place was basically home now, and just because laughing made me happy.

"Haven't Skizzy and Derek been gone a while?"

"What," Derek replied as we walked in. "Miss me?"

I dropped his hand, cheeks burning again, and went to the sofa, the smell of grilled cheese made my stomach hurt. I groaned and lay a hand over my stomach, closing my eyes. My hand was still warm.

"Ate too much," I called out, "going to bed. Umm.. goodnight."