Insane Sanity

Lilah

I can't believe I'm doing this, I can't believe I'm doing this, I think as I'm talking, yes, talking, to Blue. I mean, I guess it's just because I'm talking to someone, but it's nice to be talking to someone who I want to talk too. Not any of those psychologists or psychiatrists or whatever they're called. It would be even nicer if I was oblivious to the fact that there was someone watching me.

We talk for a while, about normal stuff. How he wants to get some new tattoos, how I want to get my first. Just two normal people chatting in a psych ward. Except I still feel like someone's watching me. Then again, they always are. I try to push it out of my mind. I try not to think about it. But I can't help it.

"So, anyway, I was-"

I cut Blue off then, quickly saying "I'm sorry. This was a bad idea." I walk away before he can protest. I hate that I always do this. I hate it. Why do I always do this? God I hate this. I hate myself for doing this.

I quickly walk to my room, trying not cry until I get there.

*I'm going to kick this whole breaking out thing into action....hope y'all don't mind.*

Tyler

Stabbing out my cigarette against the window sill, I quickly chucked it out the window and turned, leaning against the wall.

I jerked my head up as a scream went piercing through the building. Aids went scrambling, running towards the source. And I counted.

With a smirk, I pushed myself from the wall and called out to my friends, "Hurry up and get your bags, we're leaving!"

When they looked at me curiously, I said more forcefully, "Listen, I have spent four years here and I'm sick of it. Right now we have a chance to get out, and we may not get another one. Me, I'm leaving. You'd be wise to do the same."

Turning on my heel, I bolted to my room. Reaching beneath my bed, past the cobwebs and dust, I pulled out my duffel bag that I hadn't used in four years.

Not wasting time, I began to empty my drawers into my bag. Moments later, screams still surging through the building, Conner came in and got out his own bag. Giving him a quick smile, I went back to my packing.

My belongings packed, I grabbed the envelopes full of money from my parents. I don't know what they had been expecting me to do with it cooped up in this place, I guess they felt bad, but it would come in handy now. I bolted for the medicine counter and began throwing in as many of the meds that I could grab.

Zipping up my bag, I made my way through the hall, and my friends came out of their rooms with their bags.

We all scrambled towards the door, and as we drew closer and closer my adreniline was through the roof.

Grasping the door handle, I looked back at my friends. We would be okay...right?

Pushing the doubt from my mind, I threw open the door and bolted out.

*Sorry it isn't very well done, but it's Christmas time and all Just wanted to get this in here *

Blue

Tyler threw open the door and the freezing air hit us. I noticed Anastasia shiver, and I quickly peeled off my hoodie and tossed it to her.

"Let's go, Stasia." I muttered as our friends rushed outside.

As we began to step outside, I threw a look back to see a hesitant Lilah. I paused, and suddenly the screaming that had formerly filled the halls stopped. Worried now, I offered my hand towards Lilah.

"Lilah," I whispered urgently, "It's going to be okay. Please, come with us, I promise it will be okay. But we have to go right now."

She glanced down at my hand, chewing on her bottom lip.

"Please Lilah." I whispered.

Accepting my hand, I gave her a smile and Lilah, Stasia, and I rushed out the door.

As we began running, the sounds hit me in a wave of colors. Closing my eyes, I reached out to Stasia with my other hand.

"Keep going, Blue." She said, but my head was swimming.

Opening my eyes, I tore my hands from Lilah and Stasia and grabbed my head. With a clenched jaw, I let out a scream. The sounds, the colors....it was too much. Everyone around stared at me, and I felt naked. I slowly began walking backwards. I was going back, it was safer there.

Someone cupped my face in their hands and stopped me. My eyes snapped shut and all I heard was them whisper, "Blue, it's okay. It's okay. Come back, it's going to be okay."

Breathing heavily through a clenched jaw, I opened my eyes to see Stasia and Lilah staring at me, worried, staring at my naked skin.

"Let's go." I said gruffly, snatching up their hands and running to catch up with the others, all but dragging them behind me as I tried to fight my anxiety and synaesthesia.

Lilah

I was in my room reading when I first heard the screams. Great, I thought. Just what I need on top of everything else. I quickly jammed the pillow over my head to block out the sound. I just couldn't take it. But even with the person screaming down the hall and the pillow that I was trying to stuff down my eardrums, I could hear Tyler faintly.

"Hurry up and get your bags, we're leaving!" I hear Tyler call. What the hell? I think. That can't be right. Who the hell would try to break out of this place? The nurses would kill us, not to mention security. But then again, what if we actually do make it out? What then?

Practically tasting the freedom of being outside, without doctors or nurses, I decide that I would give it a try. I quickly pack my bag, complete with a few changes of clothes, my writing journal, a toothbrush and a blanket just in case, and I race out into the hall.

There I see Tyler, Stasia and Blue. Not just them, but them and an open- yes, open door. That's when I freeze. I had thought for a moment that the paranoia would stop for now, that it would dissapate at least long enough for me to get out of this place. But no. What if I'm safer here? What if that something is out there and not in here? What if? I try to expel these thoughts from my head, but to no avail. The voice in my head is persistant. I stand there, frozen. Move, dammit! I think to myself, but I am rooted to the spot.

The screaming stops.

Blue notices that I have stopped, and says to me, whispering, his hand extended, welcoming, "Lilah, it's going to be okay. Please, come with us, I promise it will be okay. But we have to go right now."

I look at his extended hand, chewing my bottom lip as the voice kept saying its paranoid monologue in my head. But you know what? I really was tired of paying attention to that annoying thing. But then again...

"Please Lilah."

Those two words, those two simple words, melt away the paranoia, at least for a few seconds, anyway. I run towards him, grabbing his hand, and he, Stasia and I all begin to run.

But we do not get far when disaster strikes. Blue screws his eyes tightly closed, as if in an enormous ammount of pain.

"Keep going, Blue." Stasia says to him. I am speechless. See? the voice in my head taunts, See what happens?

He opens his eyes, which are filled with pain. He lets go of my hand and holds his head, screaming. As we stare, awestruck, he starts to back away, back into the psych ward. I hate to say that I almost went back with him. I almost went back. But no. I was not going to stay there. I don't care if I'm being followed or if someone's watching me. I'm getting out of here. And so is Blue.

"Blue, it's okay. It's okay. Come back, it's going to be okay." I say, stepping towards him, cupping his head in my hands. I let go and step back as I see him begin to open his eyes.

"Let's go." he says, grabbing both of our hands, running, Stasia and I in tow. I can see that he is fighting with his synastasia, and the same look of inner conflict must be on my face as well, trying to keep the paranoia at bay.

As we race outside, I can feel the cold, brisk wind through my hair. I can feel the sun on my face, nothing in between me and its rays, not even the grimy, dust-covered windows of the ward. And for now at least, the voice is silent.

Skizzy and August

Skizzy

"Lets get some breakfast. I'm hungry."

We started off towards the breakfast area, and Derek was talking, and I was piling food on my plate, I was always hungry, and I was shoving pancakes into my mouth - green, intrestin' - before we even made it back to the tables. I smiled at Derek's back as he led the way, gesturing with his hand, looking back over his shoulder at me, making bold expressions.

"Sucks that you have to be here when you were such a fantastic lawyer," I said as we sat down through a mouth full of food. He threw me a disapproving look and sneered.

"Don't talk with your mouth full, it's disgusting."

I nodded, swallowed, and started again.

"If I were you I wouldn't have even let them keep me here. I would have been gone a long time ago, found a way out."

There was a scream and I jerked my head towards the noise.

"You hear that?"

"It's probably some newbie. They all scream sometimes."

"Yeah, that's true, but-"

"Hurry up and get your bags, we're leaving!"

"What's going on, Derek?"

When I turned back towards him he was already out of his chair.

"Go get your things then," he said. He ran off towards his ran and I ran towards mine. By the time we both made it out of the door I could see everyone else already making a break for it. August ran past us where we stood, her bag on her shoulder, hands covering her ears, her face red. I reached out and grabbed the back of her shirt.

"August," I called. She turned towards me with a glare.

"Not now, Skizzy," she hissed before turning and heading towards the main group.

"Do we just follow them then, Derek?"

Derek Young
"Sucks that you have to be here when you were such a fantastic lawyer," Skizzy said with his mouth full of food. I wanted to smile at the compliment, but I couldn't since the green pancakes in his mouth looked gross.

"Don't talk with your mouth full, it's disgusting."

"If I were you I wouldn't have even let them keep me here. I would have been gone a long time ago, found a way out." I was going to find a way out. Somehow. I just hadn't figured out quite how to do it yet.

There was a scream not too far away.

"You hear that?"

"It's probably some newbie. They all scream sometimes." Why was he getting so exited? People were screaming all the time in this place.

"Yeah, that's true, but-"

"Hurry up and get your bags, we're leaving!"

I basically flew from my chair and hurried towards my room. "Go get your things then!" I told him. Might as well bring someone to talk to if I was going to escape.

I ran to my room and quickly put what I needed into a backpack. I was going to leave. Finally. Maybe I could find someone out there like me. Someone who understood me.

I ran into the hallway again, found Skizzy and bolted towards the door. I could see others leaving, so I followed them.

"Do we just follow them then, Derek?"

"For now. Keep close to me." I didn't really need to tell him that, he was almost stepping on my heels already.

I saw a girl I recognized standing by the door. She was that freak who had tried to cut her own hand of. "If you want to get out of here, you better come with us," I told her as I passed. I wasn't quite sure why I had said that. Probably because it would be fun to see her try to cut her own hand of again.. No, that was just disgusting.

Johanna Yukiko
I packed my bag too, meaning to leave, but once I reached the door I found that I couldn't. What is people stared at my hands? What I had to talk to someone? How would I possibly be able to survive out there if I couldn't even buy groceries on my own?

"If you want to get out of here, you better come with us." I looked up just in time to see Derek and Skizzy run past me. Derek was smiling at me.

I had always admired him. He always seemed so confident, unlike me, and beautiful, unlike me. Maybe, if I went with them, Derek would take care of me? That was absurd but.. Maybe he'd take care of me until some of his confidence had rubbed of on me and I could take care of myself.

It was stupid, I knew that, but I followed them anyway. I was so scared that my legs were shaking, but I managed to keep up with them anyway.

Conner Grey
I ran after Tyler looking back just once making sure everyone got out then breaking into a dead run. "C'mon there's an abandoned apartment building not that far from here." I shouted back at everyone. I ran in front of Tyler to lead them to where it was. We ran for about 15 minutes more and then I saw the apartment building. I grinned and stopped by the apartment entrance picking the lock. "C'mon guys. It awaits." I said bowing watching everyone walk in. Skizzy was the last one then I walked in locking the door behind me. I kicked in a random door. "Now that we're.... STASIA!" I shouted as she passed out. "What's wrong with her?" Blue demanded worried. "Help me carry her into the apartment." I snapped instead of answering him. He grabbed her arms and I grabbed her legs. We carried her into the apartment and put her on the couch. "What are you waiting for an engraved fucking invitation." I snapped at the rest of them standing outside the apartment. "She passed out because of her anorexia she put her body under to much stress. She should wake up in a few minutes. Everyone get settled. Blue come with me after they are so we can go shopping for food." I said calmly.

*fiction asked me to inform you that she won't be able to post until Saturday, because her great grandmother just passed away.*
*Fiction did request I write some of the below for her though, so to keep Tyler involved*

Blue

"Now that we're.... STASIA!" Conner shouted.

Snapping my head to look at her a took in her frail, crumpled body and demanded, "What's wrong with her?"

Rather than offer an explanation, Conner snapped, "Help me carry her into the apartment."

Grabbing her arms and Conner her legs, we carried her into the apartment and put her on the couch.

"What are you waiting for," Conner spat at our friends, "an engraved fucking invitation."

To me, he then added calmly,"She passed out because of her anorexia she put her body under to much stress. She should wake up in a few minutes. Everyone get settled. Blue come with me after they are so we can go shopping for food."

As I ushered my friends into the apartment, Tyler began rifling through his bag. Probably for a cigarette or something.

Looking down at Anastasia, I brushed her black hair from her face and went over to to Conner. As I did, Tyler followed, a wad of cash in his hand.

Walking straight up to Conner, Tyler shoved it at him and muttered, "From one kleptomaniac from another. I'm assuming it's enough for everything we need, at least for a bit. I have more if you need it."

When Conner made no move to take it, Tyler mimicked jokingly, "What are you waiting for, and engraved fucking invitation?"

With a chuckle, Conner accepted the money from Tyler and muttered what sounded like a thank you. With that, he turned on his heel and made his way out of the room. Shooting Tyler a gracious smile, I went to catch up with Conner.

***

After changing the cart twice because of squeaky wheels, Conner and I had finally managed to begin to fill the cart. Placing one foot on the metal bar, I pushed with the other and went flying down the aisle, nearly raming into a woman talking into her bluetooth.

As I waited for Conner to catch up, I began looking down the shelf at the different medicines. Two in particular caught my eye....weight loss pills, and right beside it weight gaining pills.

Hesitantly, I picked them up. Stasia would kill me if she found out. But it would help her. I mean, she did just pass out.

I slide my gaze over to Conner when the purple rings that were his footsteps became stronger. As he noticed the bottles in my hands, he acquired the same look of hesitation I probably had.

"She would kill us." He whispered.

I turned my gaze back to the bottles, still unsure. If I gave them to her and she found out, I would lose her. But if I didn't....I would probably still lose her, but in a more permanent sense.

Spoiler

I'll have Anastasia wake up when Conner and Blue get back.

Conner Grey
I looked at the bottles in his hand and bit my lip thoughtfully. "Easy buy both of them. We'll put the weight gaining pills in the weight loss bottle and throw out the pills and the bottle as well. We can also burn the receipt so she won't see it. The pills look exactly the same anyway." I said calmly. "We've got to do it. She only weighs 97 pounds. She told me herself a day or so ago." I said softly. Blue still looked hesitant. "Blue she's in love with you. She'll forgive you if she ever finds out. Just take good care of her." I said in a rush then took the pill bottles from his hands. "We need to get her vitamins." I said walking away as fast as I could before he could comment. I felt myself want to cry but forced it down. I hesitated and grabbed 2 packs of razorblades for Lilah sticking them in my trenchcoat pockets peeling off the security stickers and putting them underneath the shelf. I felt myself calm down then went to the health food aisle splitting the bottles half in my pockets half I would actually pay for.

Derek Young
When we reached the apartment complex I sighed. This was farm from the luxury that I was used to. Why was I even here? I frowned. I should be going... Home? That wasn't an option. My parents would come looking for me ad they would send me back. No, for now I had to stay with the retards.

When I, Skizzy and Johanna arrived the anorectic girl had fainted, and her two chaperons were freaking out. "What are you waiting for? An engraved fucking invitation!?" I frowned and stepped inside. How long would I have to stay with these people?

Skizzy pulled my sleeve so I looked down at him. "What?"

"Can we stay in the same room?"

I shrugged. I didn't really mind him, and if I didn't say yes I might get stuck with someone else. "Sure."

I choose a room for us, and tossed my bag down on the bed that looked the most comfortable. I looked around with a frown. "We're gonna have to clean this up, 'cause I can't sleep with all this filth. It's disgusting."

"I can do it," Skizzy offered and I couldn't help but smile. He was acting like an obedient dog.

"No, that's alright. I'll help out."

I heard voices from the living room, so I decided to go out there again. Skizzy followed me.

Johanna Yukiko
I stood in the corner of the living room. I didn't know what to do. Derek didn't even look at me after we had arrived, and I couldn't talk to anyone. Just the thought of starting a conversation made my heart speed up. I had some smelling salts in my bag, which I should've given to Anastasia, but I couldn't.

Derek and Skizzy came back in to the room when Anastasia started to wake up. "Are you alright, Ana?" I swallowed. If Derek had known anything about Anastasia he would not have used her nickname, even if he was trying to be nice. She did not look very happy.

August and Skizzy

Skizzy

"Are you alright, Ana?"

Even I cringed at the reference. More talking, I couldn't make out any words, and this realization didn't come to me until Derek started to speak and I couldn't make out a single syllable. I bit my lip in concentration and focused on the person speaking, I watched their lips carefully, sounds, no words, and even the noise was retreating into the background - leaving me in silence. This hasn't happened in a long time, and panic grips my lungs. The voices start up much like the noise retreated, slowly in a soft murmur. What time is it? When's the last time I had my medicine? God, it's been too long. Where are they?

Alexander...

My hand shot up and gripped Derek's shirt, he looked back at me and I squeezed my eyes shut.

"Talk," I whispered, as not to cause a scene.

I know I must have spoken, I could feel the words on my tongue, but even my own voice I could not hear. I tried hard to keep myself upright, but the voices were getting louder and my strength was failing me. I felt the ground underneath me, and then Derek sitting beside me, I saw his mouth moving, and I heard nothing.

How does it feel to be out here in the real world, Alex? How long has it been now? Thirteen years? This world is going to tear you up. I don't think you'd last more than a week.

I felt my nails sink into the skin of my arm, and I gasped as the pain shoot down the limb like electricity. Derek's mouth was still moving, head close to my ear. Other's were moving about in the background, Anastasia still looked angry, talking to the others. Still nothing.

Wonder what your parents would do if they saw you on the streets. What a sight that would be, crazy little Alex, walking around like a normal person. Shopping?

A loud laugh filled my head and I bit my lip hard, tearing the skin. The taste of blood was sharp on my tongue. Dadadada, what did the doctors say? Music? Dadadada. What's my favorite song?

Wonder if they had another baby... Another little Carrie...

Badadada. What is that song? How does it go? Lalala badada deedeeda falala. I could feel my mouth recreating the noises.

Feel like killing anymore children?

Joy to the world, the Lord is come. Badadadadada. Let earth receive her King. Let every heart prepare him room-

"And Heaven and nature sing."

I could have cried, but I didn't, as the noise came back all at once. Someone talking loud in an angry voice. Derek speaking, close to my ear. I dropped my head into my hands, fingernails wet with droplets of blood. My arm was on fire and I didn't have to look to know I'd scratched myself up badly. My lip was throbbing and bleeding, but the noise was precious. After a few deep breaths I smiled up at Derek.

"Thank you."

--

August

What now?

I take a long drag from my cigarette and hold it in for a dangerous amount of time before exhaling loudly. Blue and Connor left some time ago, getting food hopefully. My stomach rumbled loudly and I groan, getting up reluctantly and entering the stuffy apartment. It's less chaotic than I expect. Anastasia is angry, Johanna is looking panicked, Skizzy and Derek are sitting against a wall, talking lowly to each other. I go over to the fridge, not even knowing what I expect, but the light's not even on, not like I expected it to be. I let it close, softly, and return to the living room. The furniture is dusty, but that doesn't stop me from flopping down into the tattered recliner, pulling out my pack of not-cigarettes, and lighting one up.

What now?

I could go home. I laugh at the thought and take a drag. Is there even a home to go to? I look around and observe the living room smaller than it was before, everyone bigger, too big to occupy such a small space. I close my eyes, take another drag. My stomach grumbles.

"I'm hungry as hell."

*Not much of freakout I know*
Anastasia Steele
I looked down at the ground knowing I was shaking violently at the sound of that god damn name. I stood up and strode over to Derek ignoring Skizzy. "Derek Young. I don't like you in fact I can barely stand you but I am willing to make this work. If you call me Ana again I am not responsible for my actions. Ana is another name for anorexia and the reason I hate that name is because I'm not worthy to be an anorexic. Please if you want to call be my nickname call me Stasia." I said forcing my voice to calm. knew if I let myself snap we were going to be short a person very very soon. I dug through one of the drawers in the kitchen and after pulling a washcloth out beat out the dust against my side. I looked at the sink and not thinking it would work turned the cold water handle. Water started to run out of the faucet. I didn't really think about it just stuck the washcloth under the sink and after it was soaked and I'd wrung it out turned off the water. I came back out to the living room and pressed the washcloth to Skiz's lip. He flinched and looked up at me. "Keep the swelling down." I said quietly. I looked at Derek and felt the anger well up again like blood from a fresh cut. I felt myself starting to come down from the anger going back to depressed or as I called it 'The Grey Zone' I hated this place. It always filled me with the urge to find a blade and watch the world run red. I sat down digging through my bag. I heard Tyler inhale sharply and I knew he thought I was going for a blade. I pulled out my Ipod and wriggled it at him. He relaxed but not fully. He knew I was still going to cut just not right now. I popped in my earbuds and started to listen to 'Gorgeous Nightmare' by Escape The Fate.

Derek Young
"Derek Young. I don't like you in fact I can barely stand you but I am willing to make this work. If you call me Ana again I am not responsible for my actions. Ana is another name for anorexia and the reason I hate that name is because I'm not worthy to be an anorexic. Please if you want to call be my nickname call me Stasia."

I was only half listening to her, 'cause in the middle of her rant Skizzy suddenly grabbed my shirt and begged me to talk. After that he sunk back against a wall. "Hey, are you alright?" I shook him slightly, to get him to snap out of it, but it didn't work. Instead he started mumbling something barely audible. It sounded like he was trying to sing.

I looked around, hoping that someone might know what to do, but no one reacted. Why the hell weren't they trying to help him? Panic suddenly welled up in my chest. If Skizzy died I wouldn't have anyone to talk to. I'd be all alone. Again. Just like when Carl died.

He was clawing at his arms and biting his lip. I had to do something. I had to.. Talk. That was what he asked me to do, so I did. I put an arm around him and leaned closer to his ear and then I told him a story that I'd never told anyone before. The story of how I discovered that I could fly. I made my voice as soft as I possibly could and told him how amazing it was to float through the air like a bird. It seemed to bring him back to reality.

He put his head in his hands, his arms and lip bleeding. A few deep breaths and then he looked up at me with a smile that was so ridiculously grateful that it almost made me smile too. "Thank you."

I was about to answer when Staisa gave him a wet washcloth. "Keep the swelling down," she mumbled, glared at me and then went back to the couch.

"Are you okay?" I pulled my pocket handkerchief out and used it to carefully wipe of the blood from his arms. Why would he even do something like that to himself? He obviously had more problems than I had first thought.

Lilah

"What the hell is going on here?" I ask no one in particular as I see Skizzy grinning like a madman at Derrick, his arm scratched like hell and his mouth full of blood. The crimson color probably matched my own wrist at the moment, but I tried to hide the ruby line, purely out of habit. I didn't think any of them were going to turn me in. Then again, maybe they will, the little voice in my head quips. I try to squash the voice down, to smother it, but it only grows stronger and louder.

Luckily, Skizzy's voice rose over the masochistic, paranoid chatter and replied a little shakily, "I had... an incident. I'm ok now though."

"Ok. As long as your ok now. By the way, did you guys hear someone singing?" I ask everyone.

"Yeah," Skizzy replies uncomfortably, rubbing his scratched arm. "That was me."

I nod, then go back to the bathroom to clean up, stopping on my way to make sure Stasia was ok. As I approach, however, I see that it's a little tense between her and one of the other escapees, so I decide that if she's well enough to be pissed of then I didn't need to worry. Instead, I went back into the bathroom, just me and the razor. I clean off my already red-stained wrist, giving off a delightful stinging sensation. But the stinging just wasn't enough. Slowly, I brought the razor to my wrist and saw a bright crimson trickle down my wrist. I'll have to thank Blue for getting these. I think as I slide the razor over my skin once more.