YWS Invades Russia

I'm guessing Tiny's post is a time warp to a little earlier on?

Skorpionne wrote:I'm guessing Tiny's post is a time warp to a little earlier on?

Take it up with Charlie, he's the one who guided me

Just as a quick note, do not take this storybook seriously. Have fun.

Skorpionne wrote:I'm guessing Tiny's post is a time warp to a little earlier on?

I'm gonna go with "Yes!" -- if we pretend that Dest's post came before mine, then it works fine. Whoever feels like posting next could launch the attack and begin the Siege of Moscow with the Monkey? I think we will meet greater resistance here, troops. Make sure you sharpen your blades/words!

General Heather | Western Front

The first of her plans had failed. Or at least Heather had to assume that was the case since she'd heard nothing from her assassin stalker all evening. He should have contacted her by now. It could only be assumed that he was dead or taken captive and Heather shuddered at the thought of one of her men in the possession of those- of those monsters! They were probably making him rub their big, Russian feet. That was almost enough to put her off the lovely lunch of cucumber sandwiches she was enjoying. Almost. "Excellent work Captain Lumi. I have a new task for you. It's a rescue mission - it seems that one of my special agents is missing and I would like you and special agent Persy to make plans to get him back. Use every item at your disposal." She moved her eyes pointedly toward the bin in the corner that was used for the stale baguettes.

"Understood," Captain Lumi said with a particularly malicious grin. Heather gave a sharp nod and then turned to leave the bakery, but not before grabbing a last sandwich from the tray.

It was very disheartening to know that their first plan hadn't been a success. But at least the wooden monkey was complete so they could commence phase two of the second plan. Heather had already told them to go ahead and was now heading down to the field herself. She was going to join them inside the monkey. Her advisors had warned against it, saying it was far too dangerous and that she should remain with the reserve force. But Heather wasn't very good at listening.

"General!" Private Charlie exclaimed in surprise. "I didn't realise you were joining us."

Agent jaetwee | Western Front

I crouched on the cold stone floor, my weapon ready in my hand. The lights were off in the warehouse and the last streaks of sunlight had passed over the horizon. He would arrive soon - the target that is. Everything had been prepared, the motions had been put into place.
Since the invention of the plan, we had been preparing for this day. People had been a bit sceptical over the whole staging Assassin Starkiller's abduction and not letting General Heather know a thing, but we just told them to think of it as a giant practical joke. Even Charlie was in on this.
The last I heard, we had calculated the Generals moves precisely. She should be on her way here now. I grinned in anticipation. This is going to be so much fun. I could barely contain my laughter, especially at the thought of the giant monkey behind us in it's little black dress that Captain Stella's crew managed to whip up and it's bright red lipstick. I told Skorpionne not to put it on the monkey, but she insisted that it would bring a few laughs. I guess that my near-laughing counts towards her point.
The metal door rolled open with a bone-chilling screech. Three, two, one. The lights flickered on, followed by everyone jumping up and yelling "Surprise!". As Heather and Charlie walked in, I pulled the string on my "weapon" and laughed as brightly coloured streamers rained down on the General.
Heather looked a bit shocked, but I think the giant 6 feet tall chocolate cake (many thanks to Lumi) was more surprising than finding almost half of those on the Western Front in the warehouse jumping out from the shadows and shouting surprise. We all did so well as to not spoil the big secret. I walked up to Charlie and gave him a high-five. This must be the biggest party of the invasion so far!

Spoiler

Take this wherever you want to.

Hey, I just want to appologize to Stella and others, School just started and im getting double the homework with the new scheduling so I haven't posted. I will ASAP!
Sorry again,
Emoh.

Spike | Western Front

Spoiler

Bindle(It's such a cool word!) - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bindle

Spike leaned back against the trunk of his tree and closed his eyes. Taking in a deep breath, he felt adrenalin course through him as the pieces of information in his brain clicked together. The monkey had been built; the prophecy had been fulfilled. As a homeless hermit he had roamed the mountains and forests of Russia, waiting for the day when his assistance was needed.

Spike placed his bindle in his mouth and began his descent from the tall branches. He would have to show himself to the creators of the monkey and do his best to help with their war effort. Of course, he couldn't officially enlist in their army - what kind of self-respecting hermit joins an army?

Spike walked toward the edge of the trees and put his bindle over his shoulder, not even pausing for breath after his descent. Hermits are cool that way.

I must speak with their commanding officer.

Spike, being a wise but not all-knowing hermit, looked around amongst the singing and dancing soldiers for any sign of who was in charge. With nothing to tip him off, Spike walked to up to the monkey and stood there staring at it, waiting for the person who would surely question why he was there.

Spoiler

This is Nibs from my comic strip, but for now the picture can belong to both porcupines. I'll draw him with a bindle and post it later!

Private Charlie | Inside the Monkey

It was dark. It was dreary. And it was full of splinters.

It hadn't taken long for the General to coax and coerce the YWS troops into the Monkey. The designs had, of course, included suitable seating arrangements, and so now those loyal to the YWS cause sat at benches discussing grammatical nuances and the proper handling of the imperfect subjunctive.

"And then," the General repeated for the fourteenth time that evening, "the Russians bring the Monkey into the city walls, whereupon we all jump out and ambush them. Got it?"

Just as before, the new members clamoured for an explanation.

"Please, ma'm!"

"What do we do again?"

"How-?"

"What-?"

"Why are we even invading Russia?"

"No way this'll work."

"It's the most oddest plan-"

"Most odd or oddest!" Captain Skorp bellowed. "Not both!" That particular grammatical fault had always been a pet hate of hers.

Silence fell in the wooden interior of the Monkey. Quite how this many of YWS troops fitted inside was a mystery to them all, but this didn't bother them immediately. Perhaps it was bigger on the inside...

Then the real silence fell. Strange noises could be heard outside. Whispered conversations -- fierce agitation. Charlie held his breath. They were being dragged inside the city walls! The plan was working!

"Excuse me," said a voice that could only be described as small. "I've got something to tell you all."

The writers looked round in surprise. Before their very eyes stood a porcupine -- talking.

"What on earth?"

"How did he get in?"

"Where are Snoink's attack pigs when you need them?!"

"Hold on," said the porcupine, "I, errr, I need to tell you something important."

"What's your name?" asked the General.

"Spike, ma'am."

"And what are you here to tell us?"

"Well," he said, wringing his paws, "I'm afraid the Russians think your Monkey is a piñata. And my advice is not to get inside the Monkey in the first place."

It took a few seconds for this to settle in.

"Don't you think," said Captain Stella, with tone sharp as needles, "that would have been helpful to know before we got inside the Monkey."

"Well, yes," said Spike. "But I didn't feel like I could interrupt!"

Charlie and the rest of YWS were united in a single action: the face-palm. But it was at that moment that they heard the Russians shouting outside. It was a chant of one word, repeated over and over, and unfortunately that word was "piñata".

"I think we'd better do something," Charlie advised. General Heather nodded in response.

"Ok," she said, taking control of the situation even against the odds. "Stella -- select some troops to sedate the women out there with dresses. Jaetwee and Captain Skorp -- eliminate any armed guards. Emoh -- you and the unicorns will lead the first assault and then ride on to take control of the city hall." She paused in her orders to turn to Charlie. "And you, PUN-slinger -- we need a distraction. Do you think you can handle it?"

"I will PUN-ish them."

"Good."

"It won't be PUN for them."

"I see."

"Stand well back -- I'm a loaded PUN!" Charlie gestured to the megaphone he had strapped to his chest. With that sort of hardware he was sure to create maximum impact against the Russian forces.

A loud banging on the sides of the Monkey began. It sounded like the Russians were starting to smash up the so-called "piñata".

"I think we get the message, Private," said the General, gravely. "Are we all ready?"

The first cracks appeared in the Monkey's sides.

Charlie began to laugh.

"What's so funny?" asked Captain Skorp with a scowl. "Or should I say PUN-ny?"

"Can't you see?" asked Private Charlie as the sides of the Monkey started to break into pieces. "This whole situation is absolutely SIDE-SPLITTING."

Captain Skorp -- The Wooden Monkey

God, it was dark. I could barely see my hand before my face. The only light slid through the minute slits between the boards that made up the monkey's (Recently dubbed "Bob") belly.

Wedged in beside me were Jaetwee and Stella, the latter carrying a weapon that appeared to have been made from a long thin stick and millions of needles.

Opposite was Charlie, with a megaphone strapped to his jacket. In the dark he looked like his chest had been blown open a la Alien. Next to him was Lumi Ere, with over a dozen kitchen knives and....a cheese grater? All on his belt.

"I said, are you ready, soldiers?" Heather repeated. The Monkey shook again as the Russians pummelled it with sticks from the outside. They must think there's a lot of candy in here... I thought.

"The dress!" Stella screeched. Understandable, of course. She'd probably never seen such brutal treatment of clothes.

"In a moment they'll be through," said the General, rising to her feet. "It's about to become a battleground in here. Screw your courage to the sticking place, my friends."

"Let me out there!" begged Private Charlie as he made a few last minute adjustments to his jacket-megaphone. "The only Russian I hear is them RUSSIAN to their demise!"

Honestly, who ever said the pun was mightier than the sword?

I could spew a whole paragraph of description about my singing sword, and how the light danced off my face as I swung and parried and killed. But to be frank, I'm really not in a writing mood. I killed a bunch of Russians, and it was beyond slick. Let's settle for that.

"For gramma-a-a-a-a-ar!" The cry went up from the troops. Then the real fighting began.