Make Up The Worst Possible Opening Line Ever

How about:

"It was a dark and stormy night, as wet and miserable as a cat that has been drenched by a neighbour's hosepipe because it keeps trespassing in said neighbour's garden."

or

"Once upon a time there was a beautiful princess who had been imprisoned by a cruel witch inside a poorly written story."

or how about

"It is a truth universally acknowledged that a reader in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a book that does not start with such boring, cliched openings."

Oh I got one:

And so, we come to the end of this story.

Wunce upuhn a tiem, man, their was a pancaik monster and et hated my guts.

Someone told me to make up the worst opening line ever, this is it.

Sumtims I lik 2 wundr y i chos 2 rite en de furst playse.

I had a really bad day at school today.

So, like, yeah, this story is totally about *gives away the whole plot of the story in one line*. I didn't actually write anything beyond that, so...that's the end, I guess?

Hello! My name is _____ and this is my story.

"Mom, Dad, we need to talk." -from a friend, or

So like, I'm so cool and everyone loves me but then I met someone who didn't think I was like so cool so I decided to change their mind, like yeah.

When I looked around, Richard was standing on the cabinet, flapping his wings like a big bat and making funny buzzing noises.

Shoneja123 wrote:When I looked around, Richard was standing on the cabinet, flapping his wings like a big bat and making funny buzzing noises.

Let me tell you about the possibly cancerous mole I had removed yesterday!

Inform the men.

Darkness penetrated the mind of Dante Wolfsblood as he saw a tall, pale, dark-haired man in the mirror.

Sometimes you just can't win them all, and Johnny knew he could never win the heart of his sweetest rose, Vivian.

I inhale memes for a living.

Behold the worst opening line ever ^^