neptune's reviews

25 posts1, 2
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Points 2160
Reviews 91
Hey neptune!

Mind reviewing the prologue for my fantasy novel, Luminous: Cicadas (Prologue) ?

Not really looking for help with grammar or spelling, and I would like to know what you think of the pacing and characters, but any constructive criticism you have would be much appreciated! Please tear it apart. :)




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@AlyTheBookworm finished! Thanks for requesting!
you can request a review here!
Check out Squills!




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Points 130
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Hello! I was wondering if you could review this: Abnormals (Part 2)

Part one was just the main character attending a ball and meeting another person. I spent a long time on part two so I was wondering if you could check it out and tell me how I can make it better.
It's action/adventure and fantasy, rated 12+.
Thank you for considering!
-Jade
"the wedding was charming if a little gauche; there's only so far new money goes.... it must have been her fault his heart gave out"




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Odessa with the Bloodied Roses

A flash fiction piece with a weird ending! Would you please focus on the effectiveness of storytelling in such a brevity, and how the story made sense to you? And anything else, of course.

Thank you!
Pronouns: she/they

From the wild manila folder of YWS's office.

When the last tree has fallen
And the rivers are poisoned
You cannot eat money


I do reviews: https://www.youngwriterssociety.com/viewtopic.php?f=188&t=108365




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Reviews 91
Hi neptune! I posted chapter two of Luminous a couple days ago and was wondering if you'd be able to review it as well.

As it's a bit longer than the first chapter, I decided to post it in two 2,000 word chunks, so I understand if you only want to review the first half: Luminous: The Forge (Chap 2.1)

Not too worried about grammar or spelling mistakes. I'm looking more for your thoughts about word flow, story, characters, dialogue, and pacing, but any constructive criticism would be very welcome!




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Done and done!
you can request a review here!
Check out Squills!




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Points 930
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here's my poem

you are my place

it's my first time posting my writing so any feedback is very well accepted!




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Points 11208
Reviews 155
Hi! Would you be willing to review my work? It's a fairy tale I wrote for a friend's baby. I'd love to get it reviewed so I can make it as good as possible before I give it to the baby! :)

It's called The Peri Queen, and it's divided into two parts here because it's a bit long, but when I give it to my friend, it'll be all one laminated short book. I'd appreciate it if you could eventually review both parts, but I also understand if you only have time for one. I'm giving you both links, though.

Part 1: The Peri Queen Part 1

Part 2: The Peri Queen Part 2

Thank you so much! Please let me know if there's ever anything I can review for you!

Toboldlygo
Oxford commas: distinguishing the intelligent.




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Hi.

I would be glad if you can review the first chapter of my novel named "Jaime".

It is 9k words long.

Here's the link to it:

Jaime (working title) chapter 1

thanks so much for considering




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Hey there, neptune! I'm Alex, a Resources/Community moderator on YWS.

This is a message just to let you know that I have locked and archived this thread due to inactivity (of more than two years). We do this to keep the forum organized and make it more likely for the writers and poets to get the feedback they seek. If you'd like to reopen this thread at any point in the future, please contact me or any other resources moderator and we'd be more than happy to reopen it for you! Thank you for volunteer service to reviewing so far, we really appreciate it.

Good day!



Who's the more foolish, the fool, or the fool who follows him?
— Obi-Wan Kenobi