z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone Violence

Untitled 1

by LadyBug


Quick note: Greetings. This one is more fast paced and a bit longer but it is better written and more interesting. My first part made it to first place in the spotlight! If you enjoy part two leave a like and a review to help improve my writing further.

Thank you!

CHAPTER FIVE:

In the middle of winter, Hannah and Lottie were hidden away in the branches of a tree. They were deep in the Oak forest that surrounded Hannah's busy village and Lottie's secluded mansion. It had been a few weeks since the ball, and they had hung out almost every day. In the tree, they had been talking about everything from dresses to what job Hannah should have if she ever quit baking.

"Ooh, I know! You should be a Guardian," Lottie suggested with a smile on her face. That made Hannah upset and she could feel her eyes going icy blue. She wished she could control it. She hated when people could read her moods and she was sure Lottie knew what that color meant.

"Oh, Hannah, liven up. I meant it as a joke. " Lottie said, her smile vanishing. Lottie knew Hannah disliked the Guardians

"It's OK. I don't even really know how their system works." Hannah mumbled as she closed her eyes, trying to hide her sudden mood change from Lottie. The main reason Hannah hated the Guardians because they never helped her when she was bitten, they laughed at her.

"Well, it starts with Guardians and they protect places. Then there are Lengendaries, they're the second in command. And Epics, they're war heroes that get some sort of badge. I think there have only been a dozen this century." Lottie explained.

"I knew that much," Hannah said with a teasing expression on her face. She loved calling and hinting that Lottie was a know-it-all because Lottie'd had an expensive education of her country when she was younger. Lottie gave her a playful shove and Hannah almost fell out of the tree. She let out a shriek and grabbed the branches for support. Snow fell off and hit the ground, which looked pretty far below them. Hannah took a deep breath of fresh air and saw it was dusk. There was a full moon slowly rising on the horizon and the first stars were appearing.

"What would you be if you weren't an artist?" Hannah asked Lottie. She always thought it was weird that Lottie would open up to anyone about anything. But that was Lottie for you.

"A witch. All of them wear these pretty purple rings and have magic wands," Lottie said with a giggle. Hannah couldn't help but smile at Lottie's childish personality, though she doubted being a witch was that fun. 

"The people back in my village burn them at the stake whenever they manage to catch one," Hannah said soberly. Then a bad memory that Hannah had desperately tried to forget resurfaced.

She was thirteen years old. From across the street she saw two Guardians and a Legendary picking on a little girl. Two men and a woman. Hannah crossed the cobblestone street and yelled at them to cut it out. The girl was only eight.

"Look, the wolf girl wants to tell us off," the female Guardian snickered.

"What's she going to do? Howl at us," the Legendary said, and he mimicked a wolf howl. The others laughed.

"Just leave us alone," Hannah snarled. The Guardians and Legendary laughed harder. The eight-year-old girl slipped away, mouthing a thank you to Hannah.

"Listen here, mutt," the Legendary started. He bent down and shoved his face way too close to Hannah's. His breath stank of beer. He grabbed her arm so she couldn't get away and said,"Let me tell you something. Before any of us were born, back in the good old days, hundreds of years ago, they burnt anyone who was the tiniest part werewolf at the stake. Maybe we should bring that back."

He dragged her to the metal stake on the other side of the village and called out to his friends. "Edith, bring me a rope and some flint and steel. Charles, drum up a crowd. People are going to want to see this."

The Guardians left but were back in an instant. Hannah screamed and kicked in protest as they tied her up; but she was no match. A crowd of curious villagers stood around, watching the action with a mix of amusement and fear on their faces.

"BURN 'EM ALL! OLD HANK, YOU'RE NEXT," a man screamed. Some villagers clapped in agreement while others screamed out protests. Nobody could look away.

"Stop that you vile people! If it were up to me I'd burn the lot of you and be done with it. I'm surprised the King ain't heard of how nasty you are. Actually, the only reason you're still here is because King Radix and his men are too fat and lazy to do nothing 'bout it," a woman yelled. She ran up, slapped the Legendary around the head, and quickly untied Hannah.

"Stay a far ways from this lot, pigeon." she muttered in Hannah's ear as she pushed her away from the stake. Hannah ran into the crowd to watch in fear as the old town baker was grabbed and tied up.

That night she was burnt instead of Hannah. She gave her life to protect the little orphan-misfit she barely knew. That was the reason Hannah became a baker. To honor her without having to think about it.

"OK... Earth to Hannah. You in there? Do you want to come back to my house? I'll give you a free painting lesson." Lottie asked.  Hannah hadn't noticed she had lost herself to the memory. She had probably been staring at nothing for the past few minutes.

"Sorry, OK!" Hannah said, eager to change the subject. The girls carefully climbed down the naked tree and walked through the dark forest towards Lottie's house. Suddenly, Hannah had an awful feeling. Her instincts told her to go home, but she ignored them. She always got nervous on a full moon, anyways. She took a deep breath of the crisp air in hopes that it would soothe her but it didn't work. Hannah was pleased when she saw Lottie's stone mansion in the moonlight, she could finally get out of the dark.

She and Lottie said hello to Lottie's parents, Lord and Lady Heath. Then the two girls climbed the hill and went to her art studio on the second floor of her mansion.

Hannah looked out the window in the studio as Lottie lit a few candles so they could see. Hannah could just barely make out her village through the window. "Come here and I'll show you the portrait I did of you the other day," Lottie said with a hint of pride in her voice. "The eyes are green because that's what color they are when you're calm."

Hannah walked over and saw a picture so detailed she almost mistook it for her reflection. She inhaled sharply through her mouth and smiled. "Lottie, this is amazing!" Hannah cried. The two sat down on wooden art stools as Lottie started a watercolor of a pig. She showed Hannah all of the strokes as she watched in amazement. Then Lottie accidentally brushed the painting with her elbow while she was scratching her head. It was smudged. Ruined.

"Aw, dragon balls," Lottie muttered to herself. Then she looked up at Hannah with a guilty expression on her face. "Sorry, I forgot you were there. I know I'm supposed to be a lady -." Lottie started, but Hannah cut her off.

"Lottie, you are a lot of things, but you aren't a lady." Lottie and Hannah laughed, then Lottie got up to put her paints away. Hannah glanced out the window and screamed in shock. The whole forest was burning, her village was ablaze, she saw people trying to get through Lottie's huge front doors. 

"LOTTIE! COME HERE! OH GOD, LOOK!" Hannah screamed, she felt like she was about to throw up. She ran up to the window and put her nose to it, fogging it up with her breath.

Lottie ran over and gasped.  Her eyes filled with tears and she bit her lip. "We need to get out of here before they get through. These are clearly the Enemies."

"The whats?" Hannah asked. She couldn't wrap her head around anything. It felt like a terrible dream. One she wanted to wake up from desperately. She hugged herself and realized she had goosebumps up and down her arms.

"The Enemies are what we call the people against my uncle in the war. But this is our chance, Hannah! We can escape without anyone noticing for a while. We can be free! My parents are going to be OK, they have tons of Guardians around here to protect them. We can disappear and go on the run." Lottie cried, glee and sadness in her eyes at the same time.

"How can we get out of here? They'll kill us if we leave through the front door. You'll be safe too, your parents will have someone save you," Hannah hissed. She was absolutely certain Lottie had lost all sense.

"We jump out the window, and who cares about my parents. They're trying to sell me off. I want to go." Lottie said simply. Hannah looked at her, and she could feel her eyes going gray out of fear. "It'll be OK, we're only on the second story. I'll go first and we'll get away on foot." Lottie said.

With that, Lottie grabbed the art stool she had been sitting on just moments before, bashed the glass window open, threw the stool to the corner of the room, and jumped fearlessly. Hannah looked down to see if Lottie had died, but she was already on her feet and beckoning Hannah to follow. She took a deep breath, eased to the edge of the window, and followed suit. Before she knew it she was on her hands and knees on the cold, green grass. Her palms and knees were bloody but other than that she was OK. Thank God.

Suddenly, a man appeared behind them. He had been sneaking up. He grabbed Lottie's red hair and pulled her head up. Lottie let out a strangled yelp before the enemy reached into his pocket, pulled out a dagger, and slit her throat from one ear to the other. He pushed Lottie to the ground as she was gasping for breath, blood spilling out her mouth. It stained the white snow, making it seem more real to Hannah. At second later, other Enemies looked over and saw a now-dead Lottie and Hannah. The man who had killed Hannah had filthy hair, bloodshot eyes, and yellow teeth. He let out a sickening laugh and reached for her with dirty hands and chipped fingernails.

Hannah wanted to stay and hold Lottie, to cry, to feel safe. She thought for a second about her house on fire. All her friends in the village had probably been burnt to death or killed by enemies. Hannah dodged his dirty hand and ran through a part of the forest that was not on fire. She ran even when she heard footsteps behind her, she ran when was starting to feel out of breath, she ran when she stopped hearing footsteps, she ran until she bumped into someone. She fell down on her butt.

"You look like you've been running from a ghost. What happened?" a familiar voice said with a tease. She looked up and saw that it was that girl, Amethyst, from the Heath's ball. Hannah couldn't talk, she was breathing too hard. 

"So, what, - or who happened?" Amethyst asked. She offered her hand to help Hannah up and she noticed something. Amethyst had on a purple ring. Hannah scrambled away from her.

"YOU'RE A WITCH! GET AWAY FROM ME!" she yelled at the top of her lungs. She had almost been killed by a werewolf when she was little. Five years ago she was almost murdered by two Guardians and a Legendary. She had almost just been killed by an Enemy. The thought of a witch killing her didn't seem so far-fetched in her mind. 

"Shut up or we're gonna get us killed," Amethyst said. "and what do you care if I'm a witch? You're clearly part-werewolf."

"What do you want from me? Are you going to kill me?" Hannah asked, panic in her voice. She made this far just to die.

"No, if I wanted you dead then you would be that by now. Tell me what happened to you."

Hannah had her doubts. What was Amethyst doing here? Why was she so calm? Did she not know about the Enemies? But Amethyst was her only chance of survival so she was going to take it.

'The Enemies have set everything on fire. They killed Lottie and I got away. They slit her throat" Hannah said in one breath, tears stinging her eyes which were gray with fear. She could see fire not far from where she was and could smell smoke. 

"Hm." Amethyst said calmly. She seemed lost in thought. "Come with me," she said.

"Where?" Hannah asked cautiously. 

"My house, unless you want to stay here and die." she replied

"Is it made of mushrooms and toadstools like a real witch's house?" Hannah asked seriously.

"No, you dullard. It's made of bricks," Amethyst replied in a hiss. Hannah, who was still on the ground, got up and brushed herself off. She was shaking with fright and she felt like she was going to throw up and explode at the same time. She looked around her.

"Where is your broomstick?" she asked.

"One more word and I will kill you," Amethyst threatened.

 

 

CHAPTER SIX:

Hannah woke up to snoring. She kept her eyes closed, telling herself that last night was a dream. There was no way Lottie could be dead, or that the village she had spent her whole life in had burnt to ashes, or that a beautiful witch named Amethyst saved her. Weren't witches supposed to have warts and stringy black hair?

There was movement next to Hannah. She told herself that she was in Lottie's room sleeping over and she would tell her friend all about that dream. She felt Lottie poke her and she opened her eyes, smiling. It wasn't Lottie, it was Amethyst, and it wasn't a dream, it was her reality. Her smile was replaced by a scowl. Amethyst was dressed in a red gown and a ruby necklace. She didn't seem poor.

"Good morning to you, too. You need to get up, you've been lying on my bed like a dying swan for the past twelve hours. Here, drink this," Amethyst said and she handed Hannah a green, thick liquid. Hannah eyed it uncertainly.

"Er, what is it?" she asked, trying to be polite.

"It's a potion to help calm your nerves," Amethyst said, and she gave Hannah a knowing look. "If I wanted to poison you, I'd put it in your food. But I don't, so consider yourself lucky."

Hannah drank it. It tasted OK but it was very cold. Hannah almost spit it out on Amethyst's black bed-sheets in shock.

"Good, now this morning's newspaper mentions you. Turns out the Heaths have tried to cover up the Enemy attack because it makes them look like the weak and pathetic village leaders they are. They say you set fire to the village and killed Lottie. Congrats, you're a wanted criminal." Amethyst said and she showed Hannah the paper. Hannah read the whole page on it. There was a drawing that was pretty accurate to her face. She was screwed.

She had never felt so sad. She would never had hurt Lottie, now there was a 200,000 coin price tag on whoever could capture her. 'What am I going to do?" Hannah asked aloud. She felts tears flowing down her cheeks but she didn't care. She deserved to cry.

"I have an idea," Amethyst said. "I know what it's like to be hated just because people don't know you. I'm a witch. I have a group of misfits called the Abnormals. We have a super-smart girl, someone who can control fire and she's part fox, we have a boy and girl who are super stealthy, and we also had a guy who can transform into a dog. He's been captured by the Enemies, though."

"Hm," Hannah replied. She didn't know how else to respond.

"You're part-werewolf and a wanted criminal. You'd fit right in." Amethyst said. Hannah guessed that was Amethyst's way of inviting Hannah to join the group. She was silent for a moment as she pondered it.

"Stop thinking about it because you don't have a choice." Amethyst said after waiting a full five seconds.

"OK, I guess I'm part now," Hannah said in surprise. "but what about the smart girl? That's not a super-power." 

"It is with all the idiots in this world. I mean, everywhere you turn there are innocent people being killed by Guardians. I mean, it's sad, but who would let a Guardian hurt them? Even a baby could fight off a wannabe hero. " Amethyst said. Hannah felt backed into a corner and she hated feeling like that.

"Watch it, witch. They burn people like you at the stake," Hannah snarled. Amethyst merely let out a chuckle.

"And back in my day they used to burn anyone with a drop of werewolf venom in them. You, my friend, would have been toast." Amethyst replied.

"That was hundred of years ago, though. People stopped after that Epic, what's-his-name, showed people." Hannah said. She was sure Amethyst was just trying to scare her.

"Witches don't age after a certain point and we just keep living until someone kills us. I could be a thousand for all you know." Amethyst said with a chilling half-smile. "To be in my group, there is a tiny catch, though."

"What is that?" Hannah asked cautiously. She had never met anyone like Amethyst before.

"You have to tell me how you became part-werewolf."

Hannah was seven years old. She was running down a path in the Oak forest. She could remember the wind blowing hair in her face and the warmth on her skin.She remembered her parents following her, because they were on a walk. She remembered the sound of water and seeing a little stream. Her eyes were their natural color, gray. She remembered her parents yelling at her to slow down but she didn't. She was having too much fun. Before she knew realized, it was nighttime and her parents were starting to go back home. Then, out the corner of her eye she saw a werewolf. She thought it was a dog so she went over to try and pet it. She had never heard of werewolves before.

She walked over to the werewolf and lifted her hand up to pet its snout, but it leaped and pushed her to the ground, gnawing at her neck. She let out a scream and her parents ran to her, trying to beat the werewolf off with their bare fists. Hannah could feel the warm, thick blood flowing down her neck and landing in a puddle on the ground. Then her Dad managed to grab the werewolf's snout. "Go! Run!" he yelled, and she did just that. She didn't look behind her but she heard the werewolf break free from her father's grasp and attack him and her mother. She heard them screaming until they were dead. Sometimes she still heard them screaming in her head.

She ran into the village, blood soaked and shaking violently. She saw a Guardian so she ran up to him. "Help me, please. Mommy and Daddy are dead," she managed to get out before throwing up violently on the ground. She fell on all fours, heaving up. She remembered the Guardian just laughed at her and kicked her. Making her fall over and curl up in a ball on the ground. He laughed when people called for the village doctor to stitch up her neck, he laughed when she had the village doctor fix up her wounds, and he laughed when he heard the wolf had missed an artery by millimeters. He laughed whenever he saw her around town.

For months after she was bitten, Hannah would endlessly read books about werewolves, full and part. She tried to find a cure. She read everything she could about part-werewolves. But they always left certain details out. Like on a full moon your nails can lengthen by as much as half an inch. Or that your incisors get sharper. Or other things. Nobody told the full story, just the parts that interested people.  

"Long story short, I was attacked by one when I was seven. My parents got it off but it killed them." Hannah said sadly. She moved the hair from her neck and showed Amethyst the scar that remained. "Did you know that your eyes go their natural color when you're feeling the same mood you did when you were bitten? Mine were gray, now they go gray every time I get scared. That's something they don't teach you in magical creature books. They just tell you our eyes change randomly."

"I'm sorry," Amethyst said, and she sounded genuine.

"So, this group, are you like Guardians?" Hannah asked, trying to keep the worry out of her voice and change the subject at the same time.

"No. We aren't on the Enemies side,nor are we on Radix's side. We fight for us," Amethyst said. "Now get out up and make yourself useful, you're dirtying my bed."

CHAPTER SEVEN:

It was settled, Hannah would stay in Amethyst's house with her. Later that morning, Hannah was sat by the front door, Amethyst was about to hold an Abnormal meeting and Hannah could finally meet these people. Hannah couldn't stop thinking of Lottie but she wanted to. It hurt too much. Hannah looked down at the dress she was wearing. It was one of Amethyst's gowns, it was Ivory but it was way too big, for Amethyst was a lot taller than Hannah. And she couldn't magic a dress because according to her, that's not how magic works. Hannah also found out that broomsticks weren't real.  Amethyst said when she wanted to fly somewhere she would summon a dragon.

Suddenly, three loud knocks came from the front door. It made Hannah jump. Amethyst, who was in the other room, said a bad word and went to the door. As she opened it, Hannah caught a glimpse of a fox tail. The girl walked in and Hannah almost gasped.

The girl had green, fox-like eyes, bright orange hair in a high ponytail, a bushy fox tail that was the same startling orange as her hair, and fox ears on top of her head. She had rose-gold bracelets up to her elbows on one arm and a small black bag tied around her waist with a leather belt. She also had on a white dress that went down to the middle of her thighs, that was the shortest dress Hannah had ever seen. No one dressed like that in her village. The ladies were proper.

"This is Phoebe Phoenix, she's part fox and she's the one who can control and make fire. She also has no important backstory worth mentioning. Unless you want to fall asleep," Amethyst said. She presented Phoebe with a flourish of her hand. Phoebe smiled at Hannah, showing two sharp-looking incisors. She then turned to look at Amethyst.

"I do not control fire, nor do I make it. That's impossible. I guide existing fire, I'm just someone who has tamed it. Someone it will bend to," Phoebe said, ignoring the backstory comment. She had a high, yappy voice. Kind of like a fox's bark. Phoebe looked at Hannah and her green eyes went wide.

"You're that criminal who killed that girl, Charlotte!" she said. She didn't sound scared, just curious.

"No, she didn't. That's Hannah and she's part werewolf," Amethyst cut in.

"Hello, Hannah. What's your power?" Phoebe asked her.

"Uh, my what?" Hannah asked blankly. She didn't really have a power.

"Your power. You know, the reason you can be on the team," Phoebe explained impatiently.

"Er... I can juggle," Hannah said.

"I should have left you to die," Amethyst said under her breath. Then she said aloud: "Hannah is wanted for something she didn't commit and she's part werewolf. That's quite rare, you know. I think she will be a valuable addition to our team, and-"

But Amethyst was cut off by an aggressive knocker. Phoebe, who was closest to the door, opened it. A girl and guy stood there. The girl had chin-length blonde hair, one blue eye and one brown eye, a sword was in a scabbard on her back, and she was wearing boy's clothes. No girl wore boy clothes in her village. Hannah didn't mind that, but it would take some getting used to.

Next to her a guy with two brown eyes, short dark hair, and dirty clothes was stood. He had stubble on his chin and a scabbard and sword on his back as well.

"Hannah, meet Yin and Dayton Black. They're twins who were abandoned when they were little. They actually picked their own last name. They're wanted thieves and they're on the team because they're light-fingered and agile. Kind of like cats." Amethyst said. Yin nodded her head at Hannah in a friendly way and Dayton saluted her and winked. She didn't get creepy vibes from him though, he just seemed awkward.

"So, what's your power?" Yin asked, looking Hannah up and down and resting her glance on Hannah's eyes. Hannah was sure they were purple from the excitement she felt.

"She's part-werewolf and she can juggle," Phoebe answered for her. 

"That's nice," Yin replied slowly. She looked confused, like she didn't know if Phoebe was joking or not.

Thankfully, there was another knock but it was softer than Dayton and Yin's. Phoebe opened it again and Hannah saw a girl with elbow-length curly, black hair, dark skin, and a green gown with a slit. The girl had long legs and big, dark chocolate colored eyes.

"Hannah, this is Guila Wixton. Her parents and grandparents were killed because they were all Guardians so she was raised by Lord and Lady Rose. She spies on them and reports to us what is going on with the royal families. Guila, this is Hannah. Everyone, her backstory is her parents were killed by a werewolf and she's part it. I found her outside that burnt village when I was on my way to visit the Heaths. I didn't know that the Enemies had gotten to it until she told me. She's been falsely accused of arson and murder" Amethyst said awkwardly. 

Hannah winced. She didn't want anyone knowing how she let her parents die, now a room full of almost strangers. Guila smiled at her and Hannah did the same.

"Now, everyone, we are all going to live here now. Consider this headquarters. Guila did you tell anyone where you were going?"

"No, you told me not to mention Abnormals to them," Guila replied. Her voice was soft and quiet.

"Good. You'll stay here, don't go out. I'm sure rumors will start that Hannah killed you." Amethyst replied.

Hannah winced again. "I didn't kill anyone!" she cried out. Everyone looked at her with identical unreadable expressions. Guila didn't look shaken at the thought of disappearing, Hannah guessed faking your death was considered normal for Amethyst's standards.

"We know. You don't seem like a murderer," chirped Phoebe. "Now this house has about twenty rooms and it's three stories high. I doubt Amethyst has let you look around. There's a library and an indoor bathroom, a kitchen, a sitting room, and a potions room that's made of wood because wood is supposed to enhance magic. You're not allowed in the potions room but it's the only one without a window. And there are tons of books and ingredients for potions and things! There's other rooms but they aren't as cool. And there is only one bedroom! It was like she built it and didn't want guests."

The way Phoebe talked and acted reminded Hannah of Lottie and the pain came back.

"THE REASON I DON'T WANT GUESTS IS BECAUSE THEY SNOOP LIKE YOU, PHOEBE! HAVE YOU  REALLY BEEN SNEAKING AROUND MY HOUSE? " Amethyst yelled. Phoebe slowly nodded, a blush forming on her cheeks.

"Do that again and I'll sell you to a circus. Now, everyone, you will sleep in the sitting room because my room is mine. You're allowed anywhere with the exception of the potions room. You will not leave this house because: Guila is now supposed to be dead. Phoebe you actually need to go home and tell your parents you're going on vacation. Then you need to come here and not leave. Yin and Dayton, you are wanted criminals and you're homeless. Enough reason right there. Hannah, you're a infamous murderer now. Is that clear, everyone? We don't leave the house."

And Amethyst walked off before anyone could protest or agree.

CHAPTER EIGHT:

Hannah awoke to arguing next to her. She was in Amethyst's living room, curled up on the floor with a wool blanket and an almost flat pillow. Everyone else was asleep. She heard voices outside the door. She was still wearing the Ivory dress.

"Dane is still missing! We need to get him from the Enemies," a voice said. Hannah recognized it to be Amethyst's.

"OK, OK, that's our next mission. You win," another voice said. Hannah thought it must be Dayton.

"I know you like being the only guy here but need I remind you Dane has been in the Colaria, cooped up in God knows where and waiting for us for almost three months." Amethyst hissed.

"We know that. But they only took him because they know we'll come. They want us on our team or locked up as well." Dayton said.

"Well, then they picked a fight with the wrong group," Amethyst said determinedly.

"Colaria is the land of the Enemies, Ame. We can't just rush there; we need to plan." Dayton snapped.

Yin, who was next to Hannah sat up. "What's going on?" Yin asked loudly. Dayton and Amethyst went silent for a moment.

"Nothing," Dayton said as he opened the door and strutted in, closing it behind him. Phoebe let out a bark-like snore and rolled over. 

Then everyone woke up. A loud banging was coming from the front door. Hannah heard Amethyst mumble a cuss word and her footsteps. Then she heard the door open.

"We heard you're hiding Lady Guila Rose, Hannah Mendacious, and Yin and Dayton Black," a gruff man's voice said. Hannah nicknamed him Gruff Voice in her head.

"What are you talking about. I'm just a girl," Amethyst said, putting on a voice that sounded alluring.

"We're sorry, miss. But we have to search. If it were up to me I'd leave you now with a kiss on your ruby red lips," Gruff Voice said. Hannah heard Yin stifle a laugh next to her. That guy was either a creep or spell-bound by Amethyst. Either way, it was a bit too soon to say that.

"Uh, thank you. I guess. But you can't come in, sir." Amethyst purred, letting out a little giggle. Hannah didn't know whether to laugh, praise Amethyst, or both.

"I have to. Do you want me to get fired, beautiful miss?" Gruff Voice said in a huff. He sounded irritated and entranced at the same time. It was weird.

"Are you trying to make a move on me, sir? Go away before I call a Lengendary to smack you 'round the head." Amethyst cried out. Hannah almost felt sorry for Gruff Voice. Hannah looked around the room; her eyes were adjusted to the dark. She saw everyone staring at the door.

"I didn't mean that, miss. I'll go but I will get an approval note from my boss to search your house. So be warned," Gruff Voice thundered.

"I'll see you when you have it, then." Amethyst said. And Hannah heard the door creak as she closed it. Then she walked into the room and waved her hand in acknowledgement to surprised stares.

"Aw, Siren's Bosom," swore Amethyst under her breath. She looked around the dark room. "We need to get the Pixie's Lacy Petticoats out of here before we have a Ground Demon of a job to clean up."

"Amethyst, watch your language. You talk worse than a sailor," Guila said in shock. Yin rolled her eyes at her.

"Grow up, Guila." Yin snapped. "What's the plan, chief?" 

"We leave by the rooftop. I bet all my coins they're watching every window and door to see if anyone escapes. And then I kill whoever ratted us out," Amethyst replied with a mischievous glint in her eyes.

"You mean we jump from rooftop to rooftop?" asked Dayton. Hannah could hear the fear and excitement in his voice simultaneously.

"Exactly."Amethyst replied.

END NOTE: From now on I will post a part every Saturday before 7:00 P.M. CST. I know the death might be a bit premature but it comes into the plot later so, don't worry. I have plans.

I hope you enjoyed it!


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Tue Apr 09, 2019 4:27 am
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keystrings wrote a review...



Hi there JadeLotus. Thank you for requesting a review! I'm not sure how much I'll be able to go over, as you've already had quite a few reviews, but I will try to help.

First off, I think a good thing to do would be to really hone in on who the main character is, and how she reacts to situations. In the first chapter (chapter five), Hannah changes her feelings quite often, going from wanting to hide her (anger, I suppose) and then laughing just a few lines later? I'm not sure as to what their ages are, but I don't know if this seems too realistic.

Going from there, I do like the friendship going on between Hannah and Lottie, but I'm curious as to how long they've known each other and how much background they know about each other as well. I'm guessing that Hannah never told Lottie about her childhood with the Guardians, as that wouldn't be a kind thing to tell someone even in a joking matter, of becoming the person that didn't help her when she was in need.

I think chunks of this are written a bit awkwardly, as the narrative provides random facts about Lottie that I do think are interesting, but I'd rather see that, or perhaps it was shown before in a previous chapter, if so, I don't know if the reader needs to know that she's a know-it-all, as stated by Hannah. The information we're given certainly adds to the story, but I don't know if we need to be told all of this at once, as to how the Guardians work? Lottie's death was unexpected, but I feel a bit out-of-the-blue, that an apparent royal wouldn't have any kind of protection?

I think Amethyst is an interesting character, however, she must be a very caring person to approach what I assume is a pretty much stranger and who was accused of murder in Hannah. There's quite a lot of people being introduced here, so I almost wish they were more staggered in appearances, as Amethyst was. It's a bit easier on the reader to really get a feel for who these new characters are after losing Lottie and to jump back in Hannah's mind after losing her and trying to get herself resituated in this brand-new environment.

Overall, I think this has some neat ideas, that was a nice twist in there, and good luck on the rest of this story! Hope this helped.




LadyBug says...


Thank you, this helped so much! I appreciate it :)



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Tue Mar 19, 2019 6:10 pm
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Honora wrote a review...



Hey Jade! This is quite a bit late but here I am! I figured I better read and review this part before going onto the 3rd lol.
Ok, review time...I didn't find very many mistakes. Only a few grammar errors and some missing words but if you just reread, I'm sure you'll find them. The only thing that I find should be described a bit more is what's around the house. Considering the village was just destroyed and Amethyst is rich, she wouldn't be there but since she is hiding all these "Abnormals," she wouldn't be in a town, would she? Obviously, she isn't in a forest or anything because they are going to jump rooftop to rooftop. That's the only thing that I think you should elaborate on.
Other than that, well done! I seriously did NOT see Lottie's death coming. It was a good way to make the book jump into action early on in the story. Because of that, there is no time to be bored. ;) I look forward to reading the next part. Unfortunately, I can't at this moment because I have to go do paperwork...yay...Anyway, I will definitely be back to read more! :D
Your friend,
Honora




LadyBug says...


AHH! I promise I'll be more detailed in the future! I'm glad you liked it and thanks for the review!



Honora says...


No problem! :) You're doing great!



LadyBug says...


As for the thing, Amethyst lives in a rich town on the other side of the woods. I didn't make it clear.



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Wed Mar 13, 2019 12:33 pm
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Swetachowdhury0 says...



Wow, it is really great.. And the story is going really very good..great work keep it up




LadyBug says...


Thanks!



LadyBug says...


Hey, part three came out the other day XD



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Sun Mar 10, 2019 8:45 pm
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Lib wrote a review...



Hey Jade!

Hope you're doing well today or tonight, whichever one. I'm here to give you a review. Let's get right to it now, shall we? Okay, first I'll be pointing out mistakes, then I'll give try giving you a few recommendations then, lastly, I'll be doing my overall comments. :D

MISTAKES

1.

"Oh, Hannah, liven up. I meant it as a joke. " Lottie said, her smile vanishing. Lottie knew Hannah disliked the Guardians


You forgot the period (.) at the end of the sentence.

2.
She loved calling and hinting that Lottie was a know-it-all because Lottie'd had an expensive education of her country when she was younger.


What is 'Lottie'd'? I think you probably meant to write 'Lottie's' or if not, then, would you mind explaining what Lottie'd is?

3.
She made this far just to die.


I'm 99.98% sure you forgot to add 'it' in between 'made' and 'this'. If you did add 'it' it'd look like this:

She made it this far just to die.


4.
'The Enemies have set everything on fire. They killed Lottie and I got away. They slit her throat" Hannah said in one breath,


Remember: Whenever you end a dialogue always remember to add a whatchamacallit [READ: punctuation mark] at the end. Because over in this dialogue you didn't add a punctuation mark at the end.

5.
"My house, unless you want to stay here and die." she replied


You forgot to add a period (.) at the end!

6.
Hannah almost spit it out on Amethyst's black bed-sheets in shock.


'Spit' would not be the right word to use. Since you're using past tense in your entire story, you have to use past tense in this sentence of your story too. So just change the 'spit' to a 'spat'.

7.
Before she knew realized, it was nighttime and her parents were starting to go back home.


The first part of this sentence before the first comma, does not make sense. It feels like you added an extra word. So you may wanna fix that.

8.
"Now, everyone, we are all going to live here now. Consider this headquarters. Guila did you tell anyone where you were going?"


In the first sentence you wrote 'now' twice... You can either make it:

"Now, everyone, we are all going to live here.


or:

"Everyone, we are all going to live here now.


Or you could totally change that sentence to a totally different sentence. :)

RECOMMENDATIONS

I have zero recommendations. You were too good. XD Honest.

OVERALL

You did a wonderful job!!!! I adore this book! When the fire happened I was like: Crap! Did it hafta happen?! XD Then, when Ame came along, I was like: If you even try to hurt Hannah, I shall kill youuuu! By the way, it was a very cool thing you did that Hannah became a baker just to honor the old town's baker who saved her. That flashback was so sad... So was Lottie's death... that was so sad... :( Also, the Abnormals are awesome. I really love the combination you made. So many different powers. It marvelous! Anyways, I really enjoyed reading this part of the story and I can't wait to read more! <3

Keep on writing!

~Liberty500




LadyBug says...


I'm glad you like it! I'll tag you when part three comes out! Thanks for pointing out spelling mistakes. I'll be on top of my game next time, I swear :D



Lib says...


:D



LadyBug says...


Also, Lottie'd was supposed to be a Lottie had contraction XD I didn't want to write Lottie had had
so I made up Lottie'd XD



Lib says...


Ohh, that makes sense.



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Sun Mar 10, 2019 3:14 am
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Anma wrote a review...



Hello Jade!!

Its amazing!, i mean ptt of course it is. Lol

It has a lot of parts in it that just makes you want to read more find out what is next.
My jaw dropped when the people attached her village, i was like Wahhhh.
Anyway, i don't see many mistakes in grammar but there is a few you may want to fix.
Either than that its great!!

I hope to read more of it!!!

Your friend Anma




LadyBug says...


I'm glad you like it! Thanks for the review :) I'll check for grammar mistakes.



LadyBug says...


Also, Lottie'd was supposed to be a Lottie had contraction



Anma says...


kkkk



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Sat Mar 09, 2019 9:55 pm
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lelu wrote a review...



Woooooow, I loved this! The team is shaping up to be a classic group of misfits. Action, adventures, cool clothes...and I smell a jailbreak and a rooftop chase coming up. Both great things. Hannah and Lottie have a nice friendship. I like the idea of class not mattering, and Hannah being Lottie's friend even though she's rich. The death definitely came out of nowhere and it was an interesting surprise. It's sweet that Hannah became a baker because of the old lady who saved her. Slight problem: I have a hard time imagining an old lady slapping a Guardian around the face and they just stood there and let her untie Hannah. Of course they burned her later, but the reaction seems a bit delayed. Maybe they were just shocked.
Other slight problem: The fire works, but you don't describe it much. You pretty much just say "the village and forest were burning" and that's it. I suggest you go into detail a bit more, because this is an important thing. The reader needs to feel Hannah's shock.
Again, this is a fantastic story and I'm looking forward to reading more!




LadyBug says...


Thank you for the review! I'll be sure to add more detail in the future and I'm glad you're excited for part three.
SPOILER ALERT: Huge rooftop chase coming up! And you were rihght about a jailbreak ;)



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Sat Mar 09, 2019 9:42 pm
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Morgan says...



Hey..Morgan here.

GOOD JOB ON THE DIALOGUE!!!!!!
I had to smile when I saw that you did it right! I think you did wonderful here. Just like what OofOof1 said. Action, adventure and drama....perfect mix.
This was really good. The plot and setting is was on fleek and I begin to enjoy to Hannah the more I read. Maybe give more emotion to Hannah so that the reader can connect to her. Also, just to let you know, I’m sure you didn’t intend to, but you kinda had CHAPTER EIGHT smaller than the others.

I’m just letting you know.

Anyway, can’t wait to read the next one.




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Morgan says...



Hey..Morgan here.

GOOD JOB ON THE DIALOGUE!!!!!!
I had to smile when I saw that you did it right! I think you did wonderful here. Just like what OofOof1 said. Action, adventure and drama....perfect mix.
This was really good. The plot and setting is was on fleek and I begin to enjoy to Hannah the more I read. Maybe give more emotion to Hannah so that the reader can connect to her. Also, just to let you know, I’m sure you didn’t intend to, but you kinda had CHAPTER EIGHT smaller than the others.

I’m just letting you know.

Anyway, can’t wait to read the next one.




LadyBug says...


Thank you for the review! I'll be sure to add more emotion to Hannah in part three!



LadyBug says...


And I didn't realize chapter eight was small XD thanks for letting me know. That was embarrassing



LadyBug says...


It won't fix.... It's stuck like that now I guess



Morgan says...


Don%u2019t worry. About it. It%u2019s not a huge mistake. Lol



LadyBug says...


Lol



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Morgan wrote a review...



Hey..Morgan here.

GOOD JOB ON THE DIALOGUE!!!!!!
I had to smile when I saw that you did it right! I think you did wonderful here. Just like what OofOof1 said. Action, adventure and drama....perfect mix.
This was really good. The plot and setting is was on fleek and I begin to enjoy to Hannah the more I read. Maybe give more emotion to Hannah so that the reader can connect to her. Also, just to let you know, I’m sure you didn’t intend to, but you kinda had CHAPTER EIGHT smaller than the others.

I’m just letting you know.

Anyway, can’t wait to read the next one.




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OofOof1 says...



Ohhhh, action/adventure/drama. The perfect mix. Great job.




LadyBug says...


Thank you!




cron
Today I bent the truth to be kind, and I have no regret, for I am far surer of what is kind than I am of what is true.
— Robert Brault