The Excuse Game

Because he knows me a little too well, and just can't handle not saying one. You ever realize how weird it is when he says "need a hand?" after I stole his and he replaced them with chainsaws?

Why is your sidekick wearing pickle socks?

Because he is Pickle from the Moriah Elizabeth Universe, and he is determined to spread his merchandise.

Why does your friend always give you heart-eyes?

because circle-eyes and almond-eyes are passé and my preferred star-eyes are always out of stock

why do you have a lemon meringue pie balanced on your head?

Patience and balance is key to being able to walk on the red carpet, my friend. I am practicing.

Why are you wearing a blue tux?

because I need to dress as inappropriately as I can for my friends slumber party to embarrass her in front of her crush like a true bestie.


Why is there tomato sauce on your face?

I want my crush to lick it off.

Why is there a Croatian flag blanket on your cat?

That's not my cat. That's the Croatian president's cat who's visiting.

Why are you wrapping that apple in cheese?

Because apple slices and smoked Gouda cheese are really, really good together.

Why is your recycling bin overflowing with paper?

I'm throwing away my cringe story drafts.

Why is your dog claiming to be my father?

Zeus constantly takes the form of my dog to prey on innocent women. He may have took the form of my dog and (while barking at you) explained that he sullied with your mother to make you.

Why are Apollo, Hermes, and Aphrodite outside your house?

My friend decided to bring his reptiles to my house: Apollo the snake, Hermes the lizard, and Aphrodite the turtle.


Why are you sticking that one-armed man to a wall?

He was born with eight limbs (most of which were chopped off) and wanted to know if he was an octopus. I'm pressing really hard. Do you think he got stuck?

Why are you pressing an alligator baby and an alien baby together and saying, "now kiss"?

they wanted to i was just pretending for the benefit of their disapproving parents.

why is your hair green?

My best friend dyed their hair red, and I wanted to dye my hair purple in support, but the salon lady dyed it green instead ToT

why is your heart shaped like a lung?

It felt lonely being the only one and shapeshifted to fit in its friend group better. (I have three lungs now, yayyy)

Why are smiling at your phone?