yoha_ahoy

Two fixes: "poisonous ivy" should be just poison ivy. And I'd just make it clear that she's writing in her diary from the beginning. At first I didn't know why ...

Oh man, I died at the ending. It's kind of confusing in parts, but as i understand you rushed to finish it, and ti was late at night so you're ...

Woo! I get to be the first to edit this before it's posted! (It's 11:29am for me. :lol: ) I really liked this a lot, how you're stading on the ...

Hey, I really like this. And I though she joined the mermaids! I never thought she'd drown! :( That'd be too sad! Hehehe, but the ending is good. I like ...

This sound more like prose put into poem format. Poetry is typically more lyrical than narrative, if you know what I mean. The concept is good though. I would develop ...

I didn't find much wrong with this beyond what Matt already said. It just really irked me that every word was capitalized. I wouldn't do that unless it was from ...

I'm all flushed and fluttery now! I love this! I don't really have any complaints on this. It's a really nice short story. Really similar to the last one I ...

Yes, slow it down, especially the beginning, and please, please, please space out your paragraphs. Normally won't read a ginormous block of text, but this was short enough. So space ...

I really liked this. This actually kept me reading and I can really see how you felt during this. It does seem a bit long, but I'd break it into ...

I'm not a huge grammarian. BBB and Jabber covered that pretty well. I really liked your action though and the visuals are great! And yeah, whoever said you can't write, ...

I like the general theme and the seasonal theme throughout. I agree that it is awkward in some places though which I'm sure you can figure out. Just work on ...

Welcome to the YWS! I love the rhyme scheme! You're very good at that. And I like it short too. My only complaint, or maybe, question. Should there be a ...

Some pointers, poems don't have to rhyme, nor do they have to have a set rhythm. There's a style called free verse where it has neither rhyme nor meter (rhythm). ...

I agree with kitty15. It's too listy. I saw the repeated "Will you" and cringed. Repitition can be nice, but that's just waaaayyyy too much. My eyes can't take it! ...

Wow! All I can say is great job! You really pulled me into the poem and made me feel like the writer does in this place. Wonderful imagery. I can ...