Will You?

I'm not going to lie or sugar-coat anything: This needs work. The listing gimmick works for only so much. If you were to use the question list method, you'd need to covertly push a plot through with the specifity of the questions, perhaps even using rhetorical questions. You need to think sometimes when you are about to 'publish' what you really intend with your work; whether it's just a muse or whether it's intended to entertain. I mean no harm in saying this. But poetry needs to be more than just a rambling list of elated questions. The sentiments are nice and heartwarming and romantic and all that good stuff, but the organization and presentation isn't what it could be. I do not claim to be an expert at doing this myself, but poetry needs to fit certain parameters. You're almost there, just keep going. Sorry for being such a jerk and all. Best of luck!

Mabye make it a tiny bit shorter?
Otherwise, I liked it ok. Not traffic stopping, but good nonetheless.

Will you fight my demonds away, no matter what it takes? Its Demons.

Will you dry my wet wepping eyes? Weeping.

Watch your spelling and grammar usage and you will be fine.

Liked your poem Gothgirl01

I like this poem and there are some spell check issues...I have the same problem. lol I liked it

I agree with kitty15. It's too listy. I saw the repeated "Will you" and cringed. Repitition can be nice, but that's just waaaayyyy too much. My eyes can't take it! Also, a list of questions being asked doesn't ever really make decent poetry. One or two, maybe is okay. But you need to rebuff them with a lot more statements and imagery. The idea behind this is really good, but if you just rephrased it so it's not all questions, then you'd be getting closer. But keep writing! I'm looking forawrd to seeing more from you! Welcome to the YWS!

~Yoyo

This poem wasn't too great. You've chosen a very difficult theme that only the best of writers can make original and then produced a list of related sentences. Some of the imagery is nice and some of the points are good but the format is too plain and it's just too... listy. I suggest you read some other poetry, get a feel for rhythm and imagery and all the other poetic techniques that are out there. Stick with this theme if you want but try to think of something incredibly original you can say about this and then present it beautifully. Also, questions aren't a great idea in poetry. You want to make the writer think, yes but you also want to convey a view. You need to write with a purpose, even if it's only to entertain.

Also, some typos. please proof-read your work! -

Will you dry my wet [s]wepping[/s] weeping eyes?

Will you fight my [s]demonds[/s] demons away, no matter what it takes?

Will you out-shine the world so you will be mine?

Will you tell me this dress doesn't make me look fat, even if it does?

Will you yearn for me when I am gone?

Will you zip [s]me[/s] my dress shut, before you tie your tie?