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Rain

by issyman

Published January 27, 2008

Rain

The Rain Falls
Causing False Tears
To Roll Down My Face
These Tears May Be False
But Some Truth Is In Them
I Look Around At The Sky Filled
With Big Dark Gray Clouds Rolling
In All Different Directions The Sun Cannot
Be Seen Behind Them But Maybe Hopefully And Needfully
In A Few Days Time The Sun Will Come Out And Bring Back
The Glorious Sunny Days With The Missed Cool Breezes That
I have Been Looking For For Months For Week For Days Wanting Them
Since The Beginning

Comments & reviews · 4
LoveableLittleSock wrote a review Review · Jan 30, 2008

The Rain Falls
Causing False Tears - ... eh...
To Roll Down My Face
These Tears May Be False
But Some Truth Is In Them
I Look Around At The Sky Filled
With Big Dark Gray Clouds Rolling
In All Different Directions The Sun Cannot
Be Seen Behind Them But Maybe Hopefully And Needfully - needfully? uh, no :)
In A Few Days Time The Sun Will Come Out And Bring Back
The Glorious Sunny Days With The Missed Cool Breezes That
I have Been Looking For For Months For Week For Days Wanting Them
Since The Beginning


Okay. This poem is not as good as you think it is. Well, the first half anyway. What Matt said. Capitalizing every word was annoying, because its improper grammer. Which is annoying, because your grammer is so good :)
Again, "false tears that have truth in them". eh. it sounds like you were trying to hard to be poetic.

KEEP WRITING!!!!

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yoha_ahoy
Review
yoha_ahoy wrote a review Review · Jan 28, 2008

I didn't find much wrong with this beyond what Matt already said. It just really irked me that every word was capitalized. I wouldn't do that unless it was from some specific reason, which this doesn't seem to have. Welcome to the YWS though! Keep writing!

~Yoyo 8)

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Matt Bellamy
Review
Matt Bellamy wrote a review Review · Jan 28, 2008

I like this. I don't like how you capitalized every word, but I like the format, which seems to resemble rain falling. A comma or two here and there wouldn't go amiss, however. The second half, I really liked. The first half...didn't sound so good, somehow. I would suggest a slight rewording, but don't change the format - it works really well. Keep writing!



Prometheus, thief of light, giver of light, bound by the gods, must have been a book.
— Mark Z. Danielewski, House of Leaves