xoCairo

Well, this is intriguing, but I don't think it works well as a prologue. It makes me think of the descriptions on the back of books. Interesting, but not giving ...

:) This made me smile (which is kind of odd, considering the subject). The stereotypes are quite true, and you've captured it well. Just about any person can relate to ...

I have to say, I was impressed by your first sentence. It definitely intrigued me; I wanted to know why. Why paradise? Why birds? Well done. :) I did, however, ...

Wow. This was pretty powerful, for the most part, and enjoyable in its depressingness. I think you ended it a bit abruptly though. It feels like it's still hanging - ...

:P I loved this! It was funny, and just about everyone here can relate. I haven't even been a member for a week and already I've neglected most of the ...

comments changes September rode on autum's wings (

The red on "light" was very powerful for emphasis. It also caught my interest right away. Well done there. :) It helped your poem out quite a bit, made it ...

I liked this. The emotion and the message behind it. The first stanza made me smile; quite a sentence to be best friends over. I liked the progression through it, ...

I think you have an interesting idea here. I'd definitely like to read more and see where this goes. However, there are some things I believe need to be changed. ...

changes comments Loved this line When we first met each other, we were naive and very young. We were very different, this line sounded very awkward the way it was ...

Detail. Detail. Detail, please. It's the key part of writing. There's a fine line between too much detail and too little - you are way into the 'too little' zone. ...

Well... Your first sentence should be aimed to capture the reader's attention. Your character is bored. So are we. Yours was, unfortunately, very mundane and ordinary, not something that most ...

The first paragraph made me wonder if you had a prologue. Because it sort of picked up in the middle of nowhere. o.o'' It took me a while to realize ...

I actually liked this poem. It showed the emotion pretty well; more so a battle of anger versus confusion versus care for the person, I suppose. But either way, it ...

Well, your poem is interesting. Not badly written. Though I do have the feeling that you were stretching for rhymes. A lot of what you used just didn't fit and ...