xhalcyonx128

You set the stage for a quick change of scenery and an increase in plot, so that's good. She is [s]simply[/s] only unconscious. simply sounds out of place. It almost ...

Hey Ayra, This is a good start. The first paragraph doesn't really express enough about Ayra for the reader to get a picture about what is happening. I get that ...

this is lovely :-) i very rarely get to say that, but it truely is. I’ve always been a cautious lover, more justice than fortune, with an eye to the ...

this is good, i liked it, it deffinitly has potential. however, i feel as if it is unfinished. you've told us about why mondays are no good, which is fine, ...

dear dear dear, we need to get you some anti-emo pills. Now its my time to go On to different places [s]in the world[/s] To [s]find[/s] new discoveries But this ...

"Can you swim?” Igor yelled to his companions over the crashing of the waves against the side of the plane as Thomas and Charlie clasped to the edges of the ...

awesome short play. i could feel the transition from when the characters stopped being controlled by the playwrite. you might want to go back and check some dialogue though. for ...

smorg and everyone else basically covered it. this isn't poetry, sorry to be blunt but it isnt. keep the emo in your diary. seriously, "i hate my life"? at least ...

Yea the french could use a little bit of editing “Je vous souhaite tout le meilleur de chance dans cette mission je vous ai assigné, Lona.” I'm only in french ...

This reads more like prose than poetry. Try rewriting it in the form of a story. That would work better than in the form of a poem. if you choose ...

oh no....emo. bear with me, im not a fan when it comes to emo writing, but there is some construstive critisism coming, along with ordinary critisism. this is better off ...

nice spookiness there, very edgar allen poe. the only thing i caught grammerwise were when you repeated My boss had said before we're not supposed to take personal calls on ...

from what i got, she is neither of these 3 choices. she sounds like a sad little emo girl who ran away from home because no one loves her. im ...

With the sound of a teardrop falling, The Listener rides the skies, With whispers gathered into his soul, And Eternity in his eyes. With the sound of teardrops falling, the ...

goodness, this is incredibly long. i read the first section, so for now ill critique that. Chapter One. The man crouched on the roof of the building waiting for the ...