timjim77

Get rid of "*This is a composite poem*." Now, onto the real thing. Amazing. Really well written. The contrast between the parade and the people on the hill was the ...

I agree and disagree with rose. I disagree because poetry is not the written form of emotions. Pure emotion is what makes for poor poetry. I think this is what ...

The relationship of birth and sex was well played. Watch diction. The attention of your reader may get caught up in words like "dystopia" rather than the meaning of your ...

My guess is you were listneing to Ben's Reinhold Messner album. Or his first solo one. This poem has very good language, and creative construction. It could use some compression. ...

The first part of this poem is the part requiring the most revision. Alone and alone and alone evermore, Isolated, outcast, made to leave, shut the door. Wand ‘ring far, ...

There are two lines in this poem that I question the validity of. 1. this is all abstract: 2. Say I love you in spite of. The obviousness of them ...

Excellent, brilliant, awesome. Take a conventional poetic form. Take a conventional subject. Come up with something unconventional. Take limiting iambic pentameter. Take limiting rhyme structure. Surp

First point, poems don't have to be long. It's a fine length. Also, don't preface your poetry with comments like that. Of course, there are some exceptions to the rule. ...

Very nicely written. This poem has reached its zenith I think. The subject matter is often picked by amateurs, but you handle it with a wise hand. Watch awkward line ...

I agree with Snoink. once again you display your talent, but this poem does not reach its or your potential. 'Gliterrati' throws the flow, as does the guilt thing. And ...

Hmm. Sappho meets Elizabeth Barret Browning on LSD. Perhaps. Or maybe it's another original by CL. But, to be brutally honest, this poem is not your best. Now, it's not ...

Awesome as always. You just keep getting better. I do have suggestions though. The "whatever" on the end of one line should either be removed or moved down to the ...

Nicely done. The essay portion can be wordy and pretentious, but you get awayn with it because it is the character reading it. You also thoroughly humanized your character. The ...

The "Lone Lee" was a pretty ridiculous pun. I would reccomend removing that pronto. There were some very nice sections, like "innocent isolation" and "weird to the world." But the ...

Some technical things: 1. Do not change tense. The story begins in the present tense, then switches to the past. Present could possibly work since it would make th story ...