Published September 14, 2006
I'm still working on it.
Twenty miles outside of town,
I walk down that winding road.
Crossing the borderline, paved in stone.
Twisting and turning,
reminds me of how life is.
Bittersweet.
I’ve travelled this far,
not giving up my promise of doubt.
My heart aches the most,
listening to our memories.
Twenty miles outside of town,
my final words to you are never-ending.
Finding myself will be like crossing the great outback.
How will I survive without you?
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Thanks for the comment timjim. Neverending has a dash in the middle.
First point, poems don't have to be long. It's a fine length. Also, don't preface your poetry with comments like that. Of course, there are some exceptions to the rule. (Walt Whitman wrote a nearly one hundred page preface to his masterpiece Leaves of Grass.)
When you do free verse (another Whitman creation) you want to be evry careful about your placement of punctuation. For most free verse, you are going to punctuate it exactly as if it were prose. So:
"Twisting and turning,
reminds me of how life is,
Bittersweet
could be better as
"Twisting and turning
reminds me of how life is
bittersweet."
Your last two stanzas are outstanding, (love the 'my heart...memories' line) with the exception of the last two lines. The simile is a dead one. The comparison doesn't enlighten what you are describing very much. And the punctuation is off throughout.
Oh and neverending is one word.
Good work. Keep it up.