sworddance

hmmm... a little too fragmented for my tastes. I think what it needs is punctuation at the end of each line, to make it more cohesive. If it all comes ...

Hiya chocoholic :D Conventions-wise, you're really improving. There are fewer and fewer mistakes every time; I'm impressed. There were only two or three things I saw in here, really. " ...

Lovely. Tell you what, since you have to go soon, I'll just tell you what I like about this and some general stuff and edit it later to include corrections. ...

lol this is cute, chocoholic. I like the last bit- that line about "asking who the hell I was" made me laugh. ^.^ A couple issues: "“He’s so hot,” Carmen ...

"So let the truth be told." Oooh, beautiful. I love that effect at the end. Like Insanityabounds, I could find very little to be corrected here, save for a few ...

omg! *falls off chair* I've just been hitting the "view next topic" button to go through all the new posts and looking for the threads I'm following, and suddenly I ...

Oh yeah, I looked at this- I have a really bad habit of reading things but not posting a reply, and realizing it quite some time later... :oops: sorry about ...

noiiiiiiiice...... A couple typos: "but when you lease expected it" -->least "ever single" -->every Other than that, I love this. I think many of us can relate to this situation- ...

I'm here finally! Sorry that took so long. hmmm let us see; for starters, this is really good. That may not be at all useful to you, but I just ...

Ack- my name! *whips around, nearly decapitating whoever is standing closest to her* First of all, I feel I must caution you- and Snoink, but mostly you because it pertains ...

Hi :D You may remember me popping into this thread for a brief rant to skell about getting my hopes up, but I never did give you an actual crit. ...

And the plot develops further.... *grin* hiya, chocoholic. I read the other, but I noticed this one had no crits yet and the other did, so I thought I'd just ...

Ah, sheka , I'm supposed to be elsewhere critiquing a different piece, but this caught my attention and held it. Darn you. >.< This is really good, to start off. ...

Hey, I got another one to do, forgot about that... aheh. Sooooo.... I like this one. I have to echo others in that I like the description and the negative ...

Ok I'm here! Hehe exams... no, I graduated- what, the 15th? Something like that. But I have come to this thread to make up for my slacking, so give me ...