shotgun2983

Okay, sice there have been 5 replies but no crits, I guess I'll be the first. If it is in fact a poem, you need to break up the stanzas ...

I really liked this is execpt for a few little issues. And silence the air. Darkness dies. I think you should add a comma instead of a period in the ...

Wow, all these chapters are really good. I love it that people like you can take a classic well known game with an established plot and charcaters and then turn ...

This was really good Timea. I like the way you seperated yourself fro, the main story and created new characters, unlike some of the other Naruto fanfics I have read ...

We were alone until the day we had to leave for my other grandparents house. You need to be more specific when you say "until the day". That just sort ...

Okay Jabs, it was good except for one minor issue. I panicked, about to go over to help when Sara’s voice echoed in my head. Well, I think this sentence ...

Okay, well... For starters, AyumiGosu17 said: Shouldn't "freshly dead body" be something like "steaming corpse"? I don't know, that just...bugs me. Lol, I feel the same way. But instead of ...

I like this, but it's a little confsuing at parts. He clapped his hands together once, letting the screen’s clicker fall from his palm to the floor with a metallic ...

Well, for starters you need to divide up your chapters as well as moving it to the literary forums, lol. I couldn't find any misakes that the other crits already ...

I love stories with plagues and virises! Theres just so much you can do as far as a storyline goes. Well, I can say that this is a very strong ...

Wow. I like it so far. I think it should be a little longer and you should explain it a little more, without giving away to much. In the prologue, ...

I agree with Silly Sudstix, you should add each chapter separately to reduce sloppieness. Excuse my spelling, haha. It makes it hard to read. It becomes a little overwhelming. Other ...

Okay, I liked this. I felt like it some of the lines didn't flow very well. You also wrote An angel that sings your heartache entwined with yours I don't ...

I'm not really sure what to think. I liked the overall story and the way you presented it, but I was confused at times. There were times when I couldn't ...

Uuummm... this was good. Part 1 with Russell could have been longer and better explained, but part 2 was fine. There were no gramatical errors, and I think you could ...