‘Hard A.I.’
The near whisper of the voice echoed in the otherwise silent room, ricocheting off the white, ceramic walls and the hard corners. All semblance of warmth was drained by the echo, leaving behind only a startlingly inhuman voice. ‘Machines truly able to think, consider, and feel. These qualities, long thought to be a possession only the biological could claim, have been granted to the mechanical.’ The man, a restrained smile tugging at his lips, paused a moment. And his eyes, hidden by the white glare that his fashionable glasses reflected, swept over the crowd.
In turn, they stared mutely back, every one of them sat straight backed in uncomfortable chairs.
Not one of them believed him. It had been clear from the very first sentence that escaped his mouth that the man was lying.
At best, he was delusional.
‘This has been an area of interest to Lynch Corporation for many years now,’ the man continued, ‘and our researchers, boasting many of the top scientists in the Northern Hemisphere, have succeeded.’ His right thumb twitched, clicking a device hidden in his closed fist. A large screen descended behind him and, with another twitch of his thumb, flashed into life. Countless lines of programming code, all of it painted in white, scrolled down the black screen. ‘Behind me you see but a tiny fragment of the code needed to simulate sentience.’ The smile widened. ‘Of course, I can not expect you to believe me based solely on this apparent-nonsense sprinting down the screen.’ He clapped his hands together once, letting the screen’s clicker fall from his palm to the floor with a metallic clunk. ‘That is why, ladies and gentleman, I am very happy to introduce to you today:
‘Alice.’
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,776 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
OKay..this seems like quite a happy announcement going on there by this man. It is definitely the sort of thing that does get your attention pretty quickly as a reader there. Its definitely effective on that note as far as the whole getting us intrigued in what's going on part of prologue is concerned, and well, let's see where it takes us from here.
Well that took a bit of a turn. Of course there is no telling who exactly but this mood in the room is certainly quite the twist there and I was not expecting things to be headed in that particular direction at all. So....well I am excited to see where exactly this ends up trying to take us in that case. It adds a nice little touch of tension into the mix as well.
Oooh it looks like the machine spoke, which well isn't really all that much to go off on, but its certainly quite the impressive ending there, it makes for a lovely cliffhanger and despite the slightly info dumpy territory of that previous paragraph, which is alright, this ending combines quite well with the piece to make for quite the shock and ensure that at least I am intrigued enough to want to read more and find out where this takes us.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
this story sond like its going to be uber cool =]
hurry up and write the rest pweaaase ^.^
Thankies, Eva
I like this, but it's a little confsuing at parts.
He clapped his hands together once, letting the screen’s clicker fall from his palm to the floor with a metallic clunk. ‘That is why, ladies and gentleman, I am very happy to introduce to you today:
‘Alice.’
The screen's clicker? The wording is a little off here. Other then that, it sports a cool beginning to a story that I hope will continue. Good job!
-Joel-
The people seem to come out of nowhere. Also, what are they? Are they people? Or some kind of machine? Maybe a little more description of the place they are in would clear up any confusion. You want the reader to be able to imagine what the place and people look like, but you don't want them to do all the work.
To me, it seems like it has the potential to be a really good story, but right now, it's too confusing. The reader doesn't understand whats going on. Perhaps, if/when you post the rest of the story, the reader will be able to understand it better.