Hey thanks. I didn't really like the ending either. I knew it didn't sound right but i didn't know exactly what. thanks for your help and i am taking out that line.
With a face of an angel and a smile that can kill
Her eyes burn a hole in you that only she could fill
Maybe the next moment will bring her closer
Or maybe it can rip you further and further apart
With this girl like the wind, who can predict
When the next storm will carry you away?
But something broken can never be mended
At the thought of what could have been
A road paved in laughter cracked down the center
Love unrequited, leaves you walking alone
With her by your side yet miles apart
An angel with a heart of gold, unobtainable to you
Her eyes that plead with you beneath their daggers
An angel that sings your heartache entwined with hers
Hey thanks. I didn't really like the ending either. I knew it didn't sound right but i didn't know exactly what. thanks for your help and i am taking out that line.
Okay, I liked this. I felt like it some of the lines didn't flow very well. You also wrote
An angel that sings your heartache entwined with yours
I don't quite understand this line. I honestly don't even think it should be here, it drags down the ending. You don't have to take it out, just change the wording. Other then that, I enjoyed reading it and good job.
-Joel-
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