Published January 14, 2008
Hemp stairways lead to gardens
And woven wood cracks with age.
Footsteps tread
Light and careful
And gold pours from clouds
Cages of joy bursting.
Wooden porches sway
Bend and dip in summer
Simplicity.
Wings move breaths
And silence the air:
Darkness dies
And bows to flowers
That dance and laugh
In the silent air.
Eyes ignite.
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I really liked this is execpt for a few little issues.
I think you should add a comma instead of a period in the phrase "And silence the air" so it flows more. "And silence the air, darkness dies." I don't know.
Oh, and like Silly already said, you sjould break up the stanzas more so it flows. Other then that, like I already said, great job and keep up the fantastic poetry!
-Joel-
Ah. I understand what you mean. ^_^ Well, if that's the case, then you did well. You're welcome, by the way.
~*Sydney*~
I added a few periods to hopefully clear it up a little bit, but what i was really going for was a piece that just had image after image that flowed without stopping. You know what I mean? I appreciate the input though
This seemed pretty good, but you might want to add in some punctuation and break it up into stanzas. I liked the flow and content, but it could use a little tidying (I hope I spelled that right) in the Form and Structure department. ^_^
Best wishes with your work!
~*Sydney*~