sargsauce

This is the strangest story I've ever read. So basic story goes like this: Maryann is paranoid. She beats up her vacuum. An old homeless man grabs and holds onto ...

Cute story. Is this a thing, though? Reading such downer poems to toddlers? Reading poems to them that say, "You're young now, but you're sure as heck gonna die!" "Who ...

I must concur. You tried to beat us over the head by telling us "Love Claire! Love Claire!" but all you did was just tell us "she brightened rooms" and ...

Well, you ask us not to mess with the storyline, but so far there's nothing to even hint with the storyline might be. The prologue definitely does a decent job ...

I can only echo everything that lilymoore said. All of those comments are high quality. Especially the one where you don't really tell us what Martha is to the Elisa. ...

A decent start. A few general comments. You have a trouble with over-describing things. We don't need to know exactly what your characters look like. We don't need to know ...

See "Alice II" for critiques. The same ones there apply here. Lack of emotional depth, cliche character with cliche emotions. How does love affect people? Outside of Hallmark cards and ...

Umm.... A Short Story - Nike You weren't kidding. Was there somewhere you were going with this? I guess I'll critique what you have here. Alice grew up in a ...

Pretty interesting. A well-told story, but not nearly imaginative enough for the year 3026. I must echo what Tenyo has said. The year 3026 is 1,015 years from now. That's ...

Indeed, the destruction of the rules here is appropriate. Rules aren't necessarily made to be broken--rules allow us all to communicate in the same language and understand each other. But ...

Interesting start. The suspense is definitely there, but you give it away a little too much during the attacks. I'll get to that later. Demon in the closet. For example, ...

This is a pretty good story. I was skeptical about the slow start, but it picked up in tenderness in the middle...but lost a little of the momentum toward the ...

All riiiight, you've fixed the tense switching thing! I am SO PROUD. Also, your wording is usually pretty appropriate and the characters and motivation are fleshed out. We have two ...

Come on, man, this is what spellchecker and proofreading is for. Even when you paste your work into the Post a Topic text box for the website, it will squiggly-red-underline ...

Shall I be the devil's advocate? Shall I be the crabby old guy? I guess I will. On the plus side, there's little to nothing wrong with your spelling, grammar, ...